Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?

533 replies

Cheekyeffingsister · 20/12/2017 13:57

We have a family whatsapp group and a few weeks ago we all put lists of present ideas for ourselves/our dcs and everyone said what they would get to avoid duplicates.

Dsis sent hers over, ‘does she think we’re all minted’ says dp whilst looking at her list. Nothing under £75 for her or her dp/DCs. We’re not well off by any means (her present is more than what I’ve spent on my own child) but she had called me and said ‘oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher towards them’ so based on that I felt I had to get her the pricey presents as couldn’t believe she’d spent so much! (Our presents we sent we’re all under £20)

Now 5 days before Christmas she has sent a message to the group whatsapp ‘Hi guys, just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year. Hoped to get the kids something but don’t think we’ll have time now. See you Sunday x’

AIBU to think she’s a cheeky fucker? I know I’ll get called grabby and you don’t give to receive etc but to me it seems she’s sent us all pricey things, acting like she’s doing the same then waited until everyone will have bought things to say actually she’s not getting us anything!

I’m more pissed off that she said she’d get one of the things on DDs list and now i can’t find it to arrive before Xmas.

Disclaimer as not to dripfeed - she has form for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Konmariconvert · 20/12/2017 15:59

This is why my family have had a £10 limit on gifts for each others children

calzone · 20/12/2017 16:00

Definitely don't give expensive presents to the children.

Please get a refund.

Appuskidu · 20/12/2017 16:00

What are you going to do, OP?

fuzzywuzzy · 20/12/2017 16:01

I’m on the return everything camp.

I’d also give the kids a selection box each. I would not give them mega expensive gifts that exceed the value of gifts I bought for my own dc. That’s just asking for her to treat you badly she knows you’ll just suck it up.

You shouldn’t. Your dc will be missing out. You shouldn’t be finding her dc Christmas. Why should you?

Rossigigi · 20/12/2017 16:02

Don't give you dn the expensive gifts because it WILL grind on you all year!! Token is the way!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/12/2017 16:05

I agree that your own DC will look askance at you handing over expensive presents to their cousins, while they get nothing in return!

Shocking idea.

So take back the expensive presents for DNs as well, and get something small/tokenish, as your own DC will be getting nowt back. It's not about "giving to receive", it's about one set of children not feeling crappy because their cousins got something and they didn't.

Hebenon · 20/12/2017 16:08

You really must not give the kids the expensive presents! They are kids and will be happy with something small - a selection box and token for a shop they would like having a spend in will be totally fine.

I vote for texting back "Totally fine, don't worry about it, let's forget about presents this year". You can still give the children something small if you want.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 20/12/2017 16:12

Adults tend to think selection boxes are shitty gifts because they're cheap but as a kid I absolutely loved them and would be very happy to receive them from an aunt.

Original poster
Cheekyeffingsister · 20/12/2017 16:13

Seems like everyone thinks I shouldn’t give DN’s the gifts. I do see what you all mean, it would give her what she wants. I know the rest of the family will still give them the expensive gifts they’ve bought as no one ever stands up to her.

My mum replied to the message saying along the lines of ‘Don’t worry we don’t expect anything just seeing you all makes it christmas’ and As much as I see where my DM is going with this, seeing that plus all your messages really does make me see how much it’s all enabling her. No one ever says anything and that’s why she continues doing it and getting away with it.

I’m going to speak to DP tonight (he hates her already so that’s going to be interesting) but I think the selection box is a good idea, and giving my DC one as well, the last thing I’d want is my DC being upset over it, I hadn’t even thought of it like that

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 20/12/2017 16:19

Adults tend to think selection boxes are shitty gifts because they're cheap but as a kid I absolutely loved them and would be very happy to receive them from an aunt.

My nephews love them and so does my DS. What's not to like about chocolate? Honestly, it's a good solution because the kids will be pleased without you having spent a load of money your own family could do with at the moment.

Madasahattersteaparty1749 · 20/12/2017 16:20

I would do selection boxes all round so your children as well as your dn’s. My dcs are always happy with chocolate 🍫.

PumpkinSquash · 20/12/2017 16:25

Adults tend to think selection boxes are shitty gifts because they're cheap but as a kid I absolutely loved them and would be very happy to receive them from an aunt.

Definitely! I used to receive selection boxes off relatives, I absolutely loved them! Brilliant present! Lots of chocolate, it's Christmas, what's not to like?!

SilverySurfer · 20/12/2017 16:27

She's a massive CF and I agree - no gifts for her. Get your money back and then text her something like:

'I would have been unhappy to have been told this less than a week before Christmas had I already bought the gifts but fortunately got the message when you sent your joke present list with everything costing £75 and over. Yeah right, in your dreams Grin No harm done as haven't bought any gifts for you/your family so it worked out well.'

As for the item you are looking for for your DD now CF is not buying, may be worth making a thread in Chat asking if anyone has seen what you're looking for. They are brilliant at finding replacements for lost toys etc so should be able to help.

HotelEuphoria · 20/12/2017 16:27

I wouldn't give any presents under these circumstances. Bollocks to giving and not receiving and Christmas is for children.

That would mean no presents for the DNs because there are none for your children. At a push a selection box at the most.

Your reap what you sow DSIS you reap what you sow...

As for the chandelier, were you serious?

Fanciedachange17 · 20/12/2017 16:28

Cheeky perhaps you could find a way for your Mum to read this thread?

XmasTreeOhXmasTree · 20/12/2017 16:29

Wow. You need to tell her that she's out of order. Either by text or in person. Like you said, you shouldn't just enable this behaviour.

RandomMess · 20/12/2017 16:32

I'd be tempted to reply "that's a relief as we couldn't afford any of that stuff, happy to get DN something inexpensive so they have a gift to open, sure you can do the same for ours..."

SugarPlumLairy · 20/12/2017 16:35

You're worried about being unkind to her kids but how do you think YOUR kids will feel when they see you giving hers £75 pressies, on top of their new Xbox, while they make do with less, from their own parents?

Your sister sounds like the Golden Child that gets favoured and you're the scapegoat who gets overlooked or expected to "be the bigger person". Be careful, those roles tend to get passed on to the next generation and your kids don't deserve to be taught they are not as worthy as hers.

Fishface77 · 20/12/2017 16:35

Why does no one ever say anything op?
I agree with other posters. Get a token present.
However I would comment on her whatsapp message and say "bloody hell sis! Short notice or what! Good job I kept the receipts!"

totsalot · 20/12/2017 16:40

Plus, how will your children feel to see you handing over a bag full of wrapped up goodies when they get nothing from their aunt? Like absolute shit I'd imagine

We had a CF aunt growing up who had form for this, and my mum (her sister) would enable the behaviour year after year, handing over multiple presents my aunt had requested for my cousin while breezily declaring "oooh tots and tots brother don't need presents! Don't worry at all" and practically doffing her cap to my aunt to keep the peace while my brother and I got to sit and pretend to watch tv with our cousins gleefully opening gifts next to us.

Even thinking about it now winds me up I can't believe my mum was so spineless and let us sit their like idiots year after year.

cakeforksareleftist · 20/12/2017 16:41

Here we go OP. Nice & festive.

To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?
totsalot · 20/12/2017 16:41

There not their

DryIce · 20/12/2017 16:41

Tell her no presents is fine with you, and she can spend the voucher she bought for you on herself/her kids in lieu of you getting them presents

PuppyMonkey · 20/12/2017 16:45

Text back- "Nice one. We knew the expensive gifts you'd suggested must have been you lot just having a laugh anyway. See you Sunday xx"

Doobydoo · 20/12/2017 16:45

What LionTamer said.