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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my sister is being a cheeky fucker?

533 replies

Cheekyeffingsister · 20/12/2017 13:57

We have a family whatsapp group and a few weeks ago we all put lists of present ideas for ourselves/our dcs and everyone said what they would get to avoid duplicates.

Dsis sent hers over, ‘does she think we’re all minted’ says dp whilst looking at her list. Nothing under £75 for her or her dp/DCs. We’re not well off by any means (her present is more than what I’ve spent on my own child) but she had called me and said ‘oh I couldn’t find what you wanted but saw some beautiful things you’ll love while in House of Fraser so got you and dp a £150 voucher towards them’ so based on that I felt I had to get her the pricey presents as couldn’t believe she’d spent so much! (Our presents we sent we’re all under £20)

Now 5 days before Christmas she has sent a message to the group whatsapp ‘Hi guys, just to let you all know we didn’t budget that well for Christmas and Sam asked for an Xbox last minuite so we won’t be doing presents for anyone this year. Hoped to get the kids something but don’t think we’ll have time now. See you Sunday x’

AIBU to think she’s a cheeky fucker? I know I’ll get called grabby and you don’t give to receive etc but to me it seems she’s sent us all pricey things, acting like she’s doing the same then waited until everyone will have bought things to say actually she’s not getting us anything!

I’m more pissed off that she said she’d get one of the things on DDs list and now i can’t find it to arrive before Xmas.

Disclaimer as not to dripfeed - she has form for this kind of thing.

OP posts:
Sweetpea55 · 25/12/2017 21:55

Surely you wont put your DD through this a next year

wibblywobblywoo · 25/12/2017 21:56

Oh OP, Flowers Cake Brew you are clearly better than the lot of them and as others have said I think you'd be'd far better off doing more of own thing with your DH and DC's from now on and limit your, and their, exposure to this disfunctionality.

Aeroflotgirl · 25/12/2017 22:06

Now it's affecting your dd, noway. She does not have a choice, you do! Don't expose her to this again! Tell your mum quite frankly why. Yiur dh is in the ball, he really is, and has Sussex them out.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/12/2017 22:17

Wow! I agree with others. Step away from the drama. Toxic toxic toxic. We had a lovely Christmas this year dh, dd and I without any toxicity. Thoroughly recommendable.

algreaves1987 · 25/12/2017 23:30

I wouldn't go there again.

After spending Christmas with my in laws I'm not wanting to do this again any time soon. The snide comments are getting to me now. Going out tomorrow thank god.

After watching DC opening presents there is nothing about Christmas that excites me anymore. Spending time with these lot fills me with dread...therefore I try to avoid them as best as possible, as unobviously as possible!

I suggest you try the same, otherwise you'll go insane.

ChasedByBees · 26/12/2017 00:33

Yes I don't think you should put your family through that again.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/12/2017 01:58

Oh dear, what a horror of a situation! I wouldn't say that was a boring update, it was quite shocking. :(

I agree with others - go LC and don't subject your DD to that again next year.
Since your CF sister is clearly the only one that matters to grandad, and by complicity, your mother, then leave them all to it and don't put your own family through that shit again.

The worst thing from your post that stands out for me is that you didn't really think it was that bad, even - says it all, this is "normal" for you and your family. It's really NOT normal, not in a healthy functional family. Yes, I know you said it was not great - but it's really BAD. :(

Fuck 'em all off and let them get on with it. Thanks

mistyweather · 26/12/2017 02:02

Omg so cheeky

Weezol · 26/12/2017 02:02

Sadly it would seem Cheeky Fuckery is contagious. Along with PP I would not see them next Christmas. Maybe print out this thread so you can refer back to it should you be guilt tripped next year?
Your immediate family sound great and I hope you all enjoy the new arrival Flowers

Clutterbugsmum · 26/12/2017 08:16

Can you leave early to go where you need to go today.

I would wait until you get home before saying anything, although personally I would not say anything myself until mum brings it up I would just be too busy with new baby and you dd.

As I don't think it will do any good to say anything as you are already the scapegoat in your family and your sister is the golden child so any thing you say will be seen as you causing trouble. The best thing you and your dh can do is make a life away from your family so they become a bystander in your life so they can no longer hurt you and your children.

ZanyMobster · 26/12/2017 08:58

You are far too good to them, you do not deserve to be treated like this, you would not spend time with friends who treated you like this so why put yourself through this with family. I totally agree with Clutterbug about making a life away from them. Personally though I would leave as soon as possible and tell them why. If they make out it's all you then you truly know where you stand and it should make it easier to walk away.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2017 09:33

I don't think talking is going to help, their right, and yiur wrong. They have created this 'monster' so to speak. All you can do now, is minimise your contact with them, for the sake of dd and yourself. Don't put her through that again! The way your grandad treated her was disgusting.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 26/12/2017 09:37

I agree with a pp, what a shocking update. Very unpleasant.

I'd honestly sack the lot of them off. I'm not saying that flippantly. Just where is the love there? Don't put yourself through it.

By the way, it's not your sister who's the problem - it's your family. They've raised her to be this way. I have a similar situation with family, and once I realised that they were ALL to blame, not just the one person, it actually made it easier to handle.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 26/12/2017 09:44

Totally agree with itsnice

Yes your sister is an arse. But she's been raised that way. to her this is all normal - people running around to her beck and call and lavishing her with stuff while she gives fuck all.

You don't just have a sister problem. You have a family problem

wasthataburp · 26/12/2017 10:31

This is like reading about my own sister!!

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2017 11:02

I would just leave now, enjoy your day together, and cut them down, your daughter does not need this at all. If your mum asks why, I would tell her.

Bacterium · 26/12/2017 11:20

Agree with aeroflotgirl - just say you are going now as need to get home as meal tonight will be too late

blogask · 26/12/2017 18:56

well it could happen that maybe she is buying something for the baby as you are due in 4 weeks and doesn't want double expense? and maybe she told the family she wants to go shopping for the baby today so that's why they fail to see your frustration? I still still she is being cheeky and entitled but just trying to figure out how someone can be so mean and still get away with it..

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2017 21:22

Blogask be realistic here, tgat ain't going to happen! It's not just this, it's been a whole toxic dynamic going on here, with op parents, and grand parents being enablers and favouritising op sister.

Mxyzptlk · 26/12/2017 22:00

things went far better than expected.
Better, as in no moans from sis about lack of gifts from you.
Terrible as in general attitude of sis and other family members.

I'd be leaving the WhatsApp group and staying at home next year.

NewNameWhoDis · 26/12/2017 22:20

WTF am I reading? You are all just putting up with this shit and saying nothing while your DD feels the favouritism and it 'went better than expected'??

Jesus christ, grow a backbone and tell your sister she is a lazy, selfish, entitled cunt and is getting fuck all for years to come and also point out to your dad that his behaviour is disgusting and to stick his lunch up his arse as you are taking your kids somewhere where they feel they are just as important as everyone else.

Or ignore it and say nothing and let your kids know how little they are thought of, which is what my Mum did when my grandparents were very obvious in their favouritism and is probably why I would explode with that ^^ outburst had this happened around me.

Hugepeppapigfan · 27/12/2017 08:11

So she didn’t buy gifts for anyone and they all bought gifts for her and then she went shopping?! WTF

Strokethefurrywall · 27/12/2017 18:12

Exactly what NewNameWhoDis said.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 27/12/2017 18:12

I'm just after catching up after Christmas and I got to thinking, if she was brought in to the sales by your Dad, did she bring any of the gifts she was given to 'return' them to the shops and get the money for them? I wouldn't put it past her based on what I've read.

dementedmummy · 27/12/2017 23:22

So, ds gives out expensive gift list (seriously - who gives out £75 gift lists for kids!) purports to buy you pricey voucher then says actually we didn't budget well because son wants xbox there are no presents for anyone but then goes on to take everyone's presents AND gets them to take her shopping? With what was she going shopping with? Thin air?! Where has the cash materialised from to go shopping with but for which she couldn't stretch to a 99p selection box for her nieces and nephews? Where was the voucher? Spent on xbox? Or never bought in first place? Sorry - I'm not normally one for giving to receive but this is very much CF behaviour (but I have an extremely low threshold for people taking other people for a ride at the mo!)