AIBU to hate the *adults don't need presents* brigade?

[Travis1]

Just that really? Hates probably a strong word but seriously dislike. Keep seeing it spouted on here continually but if adults don't need presents then on Christmas morning it's just me, DH and the cats staring at each other. When everyone else is out shopping for their little darlings barren old me will have 2 nieces and 1 nephew to buy for. Nothing else.

TTC 8 years so if it's not bad enough that I can't actually have kids now I can't have presents either? Feck off!

Why do people want to make others feel guilty for wanting to exchange gifts with the ones they love and to celebrate? Why shouldn't I buy my DH nice things and vice versa? Why shouldn't I buy MIL her favourite perfume that she wouldn't normally buy herself because of cost? Or my aunt tickets to a singer she's desperate to see?

Is it just martyrdom? Do these people actually not buy for anyone other than the children?!

This has given me inexplicable rage this morning

@Iprefercoffeetotea I'd rather buy something I know the recipient wants, than waste money on something they may immediately give to the charity shop.

Why are you even buying a gift for that person that you clearly don't know from Adam given you have absolutely zero idea about anything that might possibly constitute a nice gift for them?

I only buy presents for people I know and love well enough that I can find something thoughtful and relevant to them. If I needed a strict shopping list then I'd consider myself a pretty shit friend/relative to be so unobservant about them.

Oh and another quick point/straw poll: don't little kids get involved in gift giving? My earliest memories of Christmas involved being given the enormous sum of ten pounds and working my way around the Christmas fair to pick out presents for people. I couldn't find anything I liked for my sister so carefully wrapped up my last two pounds.

When adults are adults about receiving gifts it's great but when they expecting very expensive gifts this doesn't work. Those that are moaning selfish brats spitting their dummies out worse than babies over what people buy than there is problem. A lot of my in laws fell into the latter category.
What ever happened to Christmas is about giving? It's become so materialistic I hate the stress of it to be honest; spoils it.

My husband is a hoarder, we live in a 4 bedroomed house with a big double garage and large shed and you can't move for his junk. I have a strict rule that nothing comes in the lounge or kitchen but otherwise his stuff is everywhere, he has a study it is full, the dining room is having a clear out today so we can have nice Christmas meals in there, the visitors have no wardrobes to use while they are here as they are all full of his stuff, under the beds are full of his stuff, you need to be brave to try and get in the garage. I don't want anyone to buy him stuff. We've had an agreement this year and I am making a donation to the Sally Army for their presents appeal so that is his present. Mine is a shop for the local food bank. Other than that it is token presents. My kids know that if they buy anything bigger than a DVD or that can't be eaten I will be seriously upset.

Everyone's circumstances are different. Stuff coming into this house makes me alot more miserable than no presents.

YANBU. We've always done adult presents as well - doesn't have to be something massively expensive, just something thoughtful will do.
I'm hoping for Guardians of the Galaxy 2 DVD this year!

Does this piety about "not bothering with little old me" also extend to birthdays too?

It's pretty shit to see your loved ones on your one day of the year and receive...nothing. Whether that thing is a book (or Kindle download if you prefer) by your favourite author, a set of diamond bloody shoes or even just a packet of hobnobs, a pot of tea and a long catchup with an old friend.

Nothing to do with the value, it's the thoughtfulness and act of giving a loved one something that said "I thought of you".

Granny that's wonderful and what Christmas is about; helping others & giving.

ShotsFired I like an Amazon voucher for my birthday. Lets me fill up my kindle. I don't want "stuff" for reasons above.

Birthdays i'm more about a nice card than a gift. For me it does extend to birthdays as I always say just a nice cards. I'd rather people write in the card something nice it means more to me.

Does this piety about "not bothering with little old me" also extend to birthdays too?

Yep.

PasstheStarmix thank you, it has actually made us happy and no more clutter. Bliss.

In our wider family it was touted as an idea not to save money but because some people couldn't be bothered.
I totally understand if money is tight but in our family's case it wasn't the issue.
I vetoed it as I had loads of crappy Christmas's as a child so make the most of them now and I want it to be about everybody and for the kids to understand the value of giving and thinking about others rather than everything being about them.
Often presents have little monetary value but the thought and effort makes them important.

I am more pleased about a visit from my children and grandchildren than presents. A meal out is also nice.

I’d be sad if I didn’t get a present. And that’s me being honest. I buy gifts for all close family and I love to make a big deal of Christmas. My children get the most and I buy gifts for the other children in the family but limit the amount (money) per cousin as I have so bloody many.

It’s hard enough being an adult and the thought of not receiving gifts on Christmas makes it even worse

i don't have DC's but i have 4 nieces and nephews. I buy all the children something off their list and then a token gift for their parents (my brothers & SIL's)
My brothers still buy me and DP presents and will continue to do so until we have a DC. No way would they be comfortable with me spending out on their children but not get us something to open

DP & I do buy for each other too but always have a budget to stick to :)

I'm sorry OP, you're probably right. Never thought of it this way.
The adults in our immediate family are doing secret Santa £50 suggested spend. Otherwise it's about our children. Things are a bit tight this year. Between us, we have four children to buy for and they do come first.
I don't care about receiving at Christmas and in the main, my family gift things that end up in the bin which I just feel guilty about. The level of spend got crazy though. My sister has a good income and no children and I couldn't keep up but felt I had to IYSWIM?

@grannytomine ShotsFired I like an Amazon voucher for my birthday. Lets me fill up my kindle. I don't want "stuff" for reasons above.

Good. So people that know you and love you know you read on a Kindle so the voucher is a considerate and thoughtful gift.

That's my point. It isn't about what the gift is, it's about the thoughtfulness behind it. Ditto the pp who says only edible stuff in her hoarder's home. Don't go buying them a giant teddy or whatever!

I think you can still make a big deal out of
Christmas in other ways presents aside though... I agree granny I'm more bothered about the company. If somebody gets a gift it's nice but I wouldn't be bothered if they didn't. I'd rather people save their money and do what you do and help others.

Family, and we all buy presents. Close family, I mean. Friends from eg uni and we just buy for one another's kids, because until we started having kids we never got one another presents anyway.

@wonkylegs In our wider family it was touted as an idea not to save money but because some people couldn't be bothered.

That's what makes it hurtful - when you become nothing more than an afterthought. Especially if it is imbalanced and you have taken the time and trouble to find something for that person and they present you with a jumbo pack of biltong when you are a committed veggie, say.

I love a thoughtful gift and enjoy giving gifts I know will be enjoyed.

Sadly, I don't know anyone who doesn't want cash.

I have bought stuff for raffles, gifts for lonely hospital patients and spoil myself.

Not the same though.

I'd be hurt if DH only got the kids presents tbh. I mean, I'm not just the children's mum to him. I was a lot more than that before we had them and hopefully will remain so long after they're adult. I don't like the message it sends, not to bother about one another. I don't like the message it sends the kids, either. I make sure they help choose family presents for adults because it's important they learn that it's fun to give, and also that the world isn't solely about them, surely?

I need presents, even though I have DCs.
What I don't need though is:
DB buying for one of my children but not the other.
DH and I buying for my DB and my SIL but DB buying a tin of sardines (literally, OK maybe it was two tins and maybe it was another seafood) for me and nothing for DH.

So a couple of years ago I pointed out that as we both now have TWO children (HINT HINT NOT JUST ONE) that "get" Christmas and like presents maybe it was time for us to only buy for children and not buy for adults.

However I buy for the adults only in another family (they have 2 adult children, one teenager at home but we have always bought for the adults - their teen is so much older than our DCs). I buy for my DM and DF, who have no children at home.
And in yet another household we buy for the adults and the DC.

All of these are kind of traditions but not in a stated way i.e. I have never sat down and said "OK we'll buy for you and you buy for us". Except for my DB but that needed saying, before my DCs started asking why Uncle X was not buying DD a present and before DH needed to be prevented from laughing down the phone and asking "where's our real present"

Re: the Kindle voucher - reminds me how hilariously my mil missed the mark last year. She asked for a suggestion, I said kindle vouchers, and even said I want to build up my collection, books were the heaviest thing to move etc

She got me a real book. And it was rubbish

In our family we buy just for kids with one Kris Kringle adult gift, but we all have kids bar one couple and they are young/not married/on a very tight budget so are delighted with the set up of kids only.

Have I got this straight: the young couple have no kids, are not married and are on a very tight budget, yet they are delighted that the setup is ‘kids only’?

So they have to scrimp to buy everyone else’s kids presents and get nothing themselves?

Delighted I would not be.