Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

AIBU to hate the *adults don't need presents* brigade?

304 replies

Travis1 · 19/12/2017 09:32

Just that really? Hates probably a strong word but seriously dislike. Keep seeing it spouted on here continually but if adults don't need presents then on Christmas morning it's just me, DH and the cats staring at each other. When everyone else is out shopping for their little darlings barren old me will have 2 nieces and 1 nephew to buy for. Nothing else.

TTC 8 years so if it's not bad enough that I can't actually have kids now I can't have presents either? Feck off!

Why do people want to make others feel guilty for wanting to exchange gifts with the ones they love and to celebrate? Why shouldn't I buy my DH nice things and vice versa? Why shouldn't I buy MIL her favourite perfume that she wouldn't normally buy herself because of cost? Or my aunt tickets to a singer she's desperate to see?

Is it just martyrdom? Do these people actually not buy for anyone other than the children?!

This has given me inexplicable rage this morning Grin

OP posts:
EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 19/12/2017 10:27

We can only afford to buy our own DC presents. I'd rather people bought for them than for us. If we had loads of money I may feel differently.

SnowGlitter · 19/12/2017 10:28

Um, if you want to buy each other presents, then do so.

Why would you let other people's personal opinions about how they do things upset or influence you?

I personally don't receive Christmas presents as I have no one to exchange them with (tiny violin time) and I think that some of the fuss adults make about their birthdays is baffling.

But exchanging presents? Surely people do what suits them best and what they want?

but really rather not get ten up to the value of £20 presents which I dutifully reciprocate it sucks the joy out of christmas.

Totally agree with that.

DiegoMadonna · 19/12/2017 10:28

I second that emotion. Bollocks to the lot of you who are so miserable you can't even find joy in the act of giving and receiving

Calm down. It's perfectly possible to have a joyful family Christmas without gifts. Choosing not to have presents doesn't necessarily make you miserable or lacking in joy.

FlappyFish · 19/12/2017 10:28

In this position too. But we are expected to buy for adults too whilst shelling out for the nieces and nephews.

Yes I’m bitter. I know it’s not giving to receive but the costs mount up quickly and we get small tokens back that in no way cover what we are paying out.

We’re buying a house. My priority atm.

The GP’s can spoil the children.

Ylvamoon · 19/12/2017 10:28

Nobody stopping in you buying & receiving Christmas gifts. Each family to their own.

DesignedForLife · 19/12/2017 10:29

I love buying and receiving presents. I hate it when more and more people say let's only buy for the kids. It eases the financial pressure, but it makes me sad :(

Iprefercoffeetotea · 19/12/2017 10:29

to me a gift should be thought of by the giver, not dictated by the receiver

I'd rather buy something I know the recipient wants, than waste money on something they may immediately give to the charity shop.

Tiredeypops · 19/12/2017 10:30

For siblings that have kids the kids get pressies (adults may get socks or token gift) and for adults that don't have kids - the adults get pressies. Seems fair to me :D

stitchglitched · 19/12/2017 10:32

YANBU. My siblings and I all agreed to just start buying for each other's children to save money but still always bought for our younger sister until she had kids quite a few years later than the rest of us. It didn't seem fair for her to be shelling out for nieces and nephews birthday and christmas and never get anything in return.

Also, DP and I love getting presents! I think it is important for my kids to see that their parents are equally important and deserving of gifts, and always make sure that they go shopping to choose gifts for us too which they really enjoy.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2017 10:33

I totally agree, I love getting presents, I also love giving them too. Stuff the misery brigade.

Sarahh2014 · 19/12/2017 10:33

We weren't going to give presents to each other but we are now.Christmas is a time for treats however small and I love opening presents on Christmas day and seeing my dh face when he opens his

CaptainChristmas · 19/12/2017 10:33

YANBU. Nobody ‘needs’ presents. Children included. It’s just nice to give and receive them. My brother said no gifts for adults last year and I found it quite rude tbh, especially as we have another sibling who has no children! I’m ignoring him this year and I did buy for other sibling last year too. Harrumph!

Commuterface · 19/12/2017 10:33

The superiority of the "adults don't need presents" brigade really gets on my nerves! No one 'needs' presents but I give them because I love and/or appreciate the person I am buying them for. Christmas is once a year FFS! It is a time that we can show people that they mean something to us in a different way, rather than just telling them. If that means me buying my mum a bracelet I know that she will love or my daughter's school caretaker a small box of chocolates then I will carry on.

I am also fully aware of the true meaning of Christmas as we are a religious family, so I am not just buying into the consumerism of it.

Cutesbabasmummy · 19/12/2017 10:34

YANBU.. Its a get out clause used by people with kids who can't be bothered or haven't got the time or money. Of course adults should get gifts too!

Iprefercoffeetotea · 19/12/2017 10:34

if a family set up is "just for kids" then an adult without children should still get a present too in place of the child they don't have. Why should someone fork out for everyone else's kids and get nothing back when they have no kids themselves

I agree - or only having one child and having to buy for a family of 4 kids. Maybe the fairest way is to allocate everyone one or two people and you only buy for them.

grannytomine · 19/12/2017 10:34

Sometimes people are struggling to buy presents for their children and Christmas food. Presents are then a luxury they can't afford. Having said that I have an aunt who never had children and she was always exempt from the children only rule. When she got to about 80 she had a rant about all the children's presents she had bought and never had any children to get presents back. Made me think of being a young mum with a mortgage to pay and children to feed, clothe and buy presents for and struggling to get her something. I felt really sad as I thought she bought presents for us as children because she loved us and wanted to and then the same with my children. Now she has dementia and all the organising hospital visits, carers, shopping and then a suitable home fell on me. I don't think the odd present was a bad investment.

CaptainChristmas · 19/12/2017 10:35

We don’t buy useless, plastic rat for children or adults either. Only stuff which is actually needed / wanted. If someone said they only bought for dcs and then proceeded to buy loads of useless plastic stuff, I’d be seriously miffed.

MrsU88 · 19/12/2017 10:35

Each to their own.

We don't buy for adults now...but neice and nephews have shot up from none to 6 so costs were getting high

We do however buy for siblings who don't have kids but buy our dc presents.

PasstheStarmix · 19/12/2017 10:35

I don't agree with pp I think it would be abit of a shite Xmas for a child to go downstairs and see that Santa hasn't been. That could cause major issues in the future!! I don't think an adult not receiving gifts is quite the same as that Shock

CaptainChristmas · 19/12/2017 10:36

Plastic rat? Plastic tat!

lazyleo · 19/12/2017 10:36

Has anyone actually said to you & your DH not to buy for each other? If so then YA very definately NBU - that's truly awful; but if you are taking umbridge at other people discussing their decisions not to gift to adults then YABU.

Christmas kills us financially. We buy for 9 nieces and nephews - if we did siblings & partners there'd be another 12 adults. In addition we have 4 close friends with two kids each, so thats another 8 kids (again we don't buy for adults). So 17 kids before our own kids even ask if they can give something to their friends :( We do give for some adults both sets of parents and grandparents which anothe 8 adults and then we have our two kids and we get each other a small gift usually. And we also have one longstanding friend who's marriage broke up and who doesn't have kids, so we tend to buy something for him - he's also very generous to our kids. In future if he had kids, then we'd buy for them and not him. (That's what we did with all our friends, bought for them until they had kids)
All our circumstances are different - I appreciate if someone says you shouldn't recieve presents because "it's for children" that is BS. But equally I dont believe you should be upset because some people do need to take that route in their own personal family circumstances.

L0V3 · 19/12/2017 10:36

I love presents but money is ridiculously tight at the moment so we agreed to only get parents, grandparents, our kids, my nephew and cousin. It works for us with my brother etc as he doesn't buy for us.
Not giving presents to someone who is child free is a bit shit imo.

NataliaOsipova · 19/12/2017 10:37

if a family set up is "just for kids" then an adult without children should still get a present too in place of the child they don't have. Why should someone fork out for everyone else's kids and get nothing back when they have no kids themselves

No problem with that. In that situation I buy a gift for them “from the DC”.

snowy1982 · 19/12/2017 10:37

No YANBU, and I say that as a member of the no presents for adults brigade, but it’s whats suits me. I suggested to by DB a few years ago now that we only buy for the children, they pointed out that as I have none it wasn’t fair to me and that they would still get me something and I told them to wise up. I found it getting very expensive to buy for my neices and nephews, DBs and SILS and was happy to forego presents from them. I still have no children (not by choice) but I have 2 dogs so now my DBs get presents for my dogs instead. I still by my parents, my granny and my godmother (and DH of course) and still receive presents from them. My bros and I have all our birthdays 4 weeks apart and only a month away from Christmas so we focus on bday presents instead.

It’s the system that works for us but I wouldn’t dream of commenting on what other people do with their Christmas gifting

RestingGrinchFace · 19/12/2017 10:38

I think it's more in response to the kind of 'adults' who go whining on MN when their presents aren't good enough. Adults don't need presents, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't give them if that is what you want, just don't expect other people to get gifts for you.