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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas present buying

157 replies

Liz876 · 19/12/2017 08:24

I probably know the answer to this but Aibu to keep letting other people, who constantly feel the need to tell me how much they've spent on their kids for Christmas make me doubt myself if I've bought enough for my own kids. My Dh thinks I am and that I should just smile and nod along when people do this.

Don't get me wrong I've had the odd conversation with friends about what our kids have asked for but I have a couple of friends in particular who are Christmas obsessed, who spend a fortune (which is fine it's their choice) but then go one step further and have sat and rhymed off to me every single present they have bought their children and told me to the penny how much they've spent.

At first I didn't really care because firstly it's their choice and secondly I was happy with what I'd bought for my own children. But now I'm doubting myself. I don't usually post on here about how much I spend on Christmas but to put it into perspective I have three children and have spent around £400 each on gifts for them, plus new clothes, shoes etc. My Dh feels this is enough and despite us being able to spend more we genuinely can't think of anything else they would like so we'd just be buying for buying's sake. My eldest has a mixture of designer clothes (not extortionate top end prices though) perfume, trainers, gift vouchers, etc. Middle child has got an Xbox plus games and the lots of smaller presents like smellies, make up, hair products and then my youngest has got a small tablet, hot wheels garage, imaginext toys, lego, etc etc. They also get plenty of presents from their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc so the house is full come Christmas Day. Rationally i know they have enough and like I said we could spend more but I don't want to spoil them too much, and have instead put money aside for trips out over Christmas i.e. a pantomime, meal out, trampoline park etc. I know my kids will get so much more out of these sort of things so why am I stressing? Ahh!!!!

OP posts:
peachgreen · 19/12/2017 09:00

£400 each is about £300 each more than I would spend, tbh. Bonkers.

Squirrels765 · 19/12/2017 09:02

I thought you were going to say you spent £50, I’ve spent £100 on each of my teenagers, strange post

pangolina · 19/12/2017 09:03

That's crazy money. How old are they? Spend what you want to spend but I honestly find it quite materialistic to spend so much.

Eolian · 19/12/2017 09:08

Enough for what? There is no magic amount that is 'enough'. I think people spend insane amounts on presents and wouldn't dream of spending £400 per child!

Ragwort · 19/12/2017 09:08

Why do other people's opinions's matter so much to you? I don't think I have ever asked anyone what they are buying their child for Christmas and no one has asked me ..... it's so uninteresting.

If I am honest (and obviously I wouldn't say this in RL) I do think £400 per child is excessive and I wouldn't dream of spending that on our DS - we spend around £100 which i think is plenty. In theory we 'could' spend more but I would never, ever get into debt for Christmas and place much high value on savings accounts, pension funds, long term investments etc etc. The year my DS wanted an X Box he understood he had to save up and put half towards it.

Do what suits your family (and maybe spend less Wink).

GoodMorning1 · 19/12/2017 09:11

£400 per child and you have friends who've spent more!!!! That's crazy. Next year spend £100 and put £300 in an account for them for when they're older. That could be money towards uni, a car, or a house deposit when they're 18.

Skinnydecafflatte · 19/12/2017 09:12

Erm, your sounding like the people you have been talking too. That’s a lot that they’re getting especially if they get presents from outsiders too.
This year I think we’ve gone a bit bonkers as we’ve spent £110 on our 8 year old (he’s getting a bike) The 4 year old we’ve spent about £45, they’ve plenty. They both get presents from grandparents and 2 lots of family friends. Everyone does it differently, some will think I’ve been bonkers spending that amount and down will probably think I’m stingy. That’s what we’ve done though and we’re happy. We could afford to spend more but they don’t ‘need’ it. Too much stuff and it all gets lost and unappreciated.

anxiouswaiting · 19/12/2017 09:14

Mine have had £150 spwnt on them which is more than I had planned but includes some extra books and crafty stuff for them which I know will be good for them.

I am unsure why you feel £400 is not enough, I would think that is far more than most people spend per child.

Original poster
Liz876 · 19/12/2017 09:14

To be honest once kids get older £300/£400 doesn't go as far. My kids haven't really asked for anything but I know my dd loves Xbox as she always plays on it when she is round at her friends house. It's been out for years but I always felt she was too young and may break it so thought I'd treat her to one this year. My ds is a teenager and is very tall is in men's clothes so they cost more now. In terms of presents they've got around 13-15 each and compared to my friends kids who around 50 to open I don't think it's excessive.

OP posts:
allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 19/12/2017 09:16

Is this a stealth boast? Spending £400 + per child and asking if it's enough?! We've spent a tiny fraction of that, for the one thing that DD requested

Original poster
Liz876 · 19/12/2017 09:16

Why have you assumed I don't put money away for my children? They each have a savings account and i put money into my eldest two kids trust fund accounts that the government set up.

OP posts:
allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 19/12/2017 09:17

Your friends' children have 50 presents to open? Each to his own, I guess, but I think that's bonkers

Original poster
Liz876 · 19/12/2017 09:18

It's not a stealth boast I promise you. My youngest hasn't had quite that amount spent on him but he's only little so you can get a lot more for your money at that age. I've saved up all year for Christmas i.e. Park vouchers and a savings account so I'm not getting into debt or anything. My eldest has only asked for make up really and my youngest hasn't asked for anything and just wants surprises so they're not spoiled brats.

OP posts:
Original poster
Liz876 · 19/12/2017 09:19

Yes around 50 and then my other friend has 4 children and they have around 40 each to open. I agree it's excessive. I don't like to discuss money usually and apart from one friend and I think my mum no one knows how much I have spent or what my kids are getting because i don't discuss it.

OP posts:
PaintingByNumbers · 19/12/2017 09:20

It must take ages to list all the presents if they spend even more! What a dull conversation ...
I spend a lot as well, but it evens out over the year as I dont buy much then

rightsofwomen · 19/12/2017 09:21

Who are all these people who discuss how much they've spent?
I have honestly never come across this in my nearly 19 years of being a mother.

Vulgar!

peachgreen · 19/12/2017 09:22

I think you're keeping weird company. Most kids I know get a stocking of low-value treats, one "big" present and maybe two or three other little things.

PrimeraVez · 19/12/2017 09:23

It's absolutely no skin off my nose how much other people spend on their kids, but seeing as you asked, I think 400 quid each is absolutely crazy. Without sounding like a dick, we 'could' afford to spend that, but I think it's crazy.

When I think back to being a kid, my best Christmas memories have nothing to do with mounds of presents. It's just a waste. As other posters have said, the money would be far better off put in a savings account or spent on stuff throughout the year like music lessons or whatever they are into.

Original poster
Liz876 · 19/12/2017 09:24

They were full conversations trust me. Don't get me wrong I love them to bits but this time of year they drive me a little crazy. They do love their kids and they aren't brats but I feel one of my friends over does it because that's what her parent did to her when she was little and she doesn't spend a lot of time with her kids doing activities, days out, having family time etc so I think she feels buying them lots of gifts will make up for it.

OP posts:
Squirrels765 · 19/12/2017 09:24

Someone at work asked me how much I was spending, I said £100 each child
She said you can’t even get a pair of trainers for £100, I’m spending £500
I thought it was very rude,
I don’t care what she thinks I’m happy with what I spent, and I got DD converses in the sale for £35! So there!

VictoriaPeach · 19/12/2017 09:25

I probably spend around £400, maybe more, per child. I start at the end of September and pick up bits and pieces and take advantage of all the offers. I don't get into debt and I enjoy spoiling them

However I think I go over the top and bonkers so I'm unsure why you think you've not spent enough?! And I'm suspicious of people who openly brag about what they spend. Honestly who cares? I've not mentioned it on here because A it's relevant and B it's anonymous!

Original poster
Liz876 · 19/12/2017 09:25

But my kids haven't got mounds of presents. They have between 13-15 each to open. My eldest has the make up set she's been waiting ages for, clothes, nice trainers etc so all stuff she'll get use out of.

OP posts:
Ragwort · 19/12/2017 09:25

I can't imagine what circle of friends you have?

Lots of us here on Mumsnet have teenagers so we know exactly what they would like and what is appropriate - my DS is 16 and gets £100 spent on him, he is happy with that, he has never complained or asked for 'more' - and as I said earlier, when he got an X Box he paid half towards it (& it was a second hand one) - why don't you suggest your teenagers put something towards their expensive presents?

Or find some new friends.

omBreROSE · 19/12/2017 09:26

I think you should go away op
Your posts are starting to upset people who don’t even have enough money to feed their children - let alone ‘requests’
Do you honestly never read the news/ or notice what a mess this country is in.
Shame on you.

VictoriaPeach · 19/12/2017 09:26

*only