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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas present buying

157 replies

Liz876 · 19/12/2017 08:24

I probably know the answer to this but Aibu to keep letting other people, who constantly feel the need to tell me how much they've spent on their kids for Christmas make me doubt myself if I've bought enough for my own kids. My Dh thinks I am and that I should just smile and nod along when people do this.

Don't get me wrong I've had the odd conversation with friends about what our kids have asked for but I have a couple of friends in particular who are Christmas obsessed, who spend a fortune (which is fine it's their choice) but then go one step further and have sat and rhymed off to me every single present they have bought their children and told me to the penny how much they've spent.

At first I didn't really care because firstly it's their choice and secondly I was happy with what I'd bought for my own children. But now I'm doubting myself. I don't usually post on here about how much I spend on Christmas but to put it into perspective I have three children and have spent around £400 each on gifts for them, plus new clothes, shoes etc. My Dh feels this is enough and despite us being able to spend more we genuinely can't think of anything else they would like so we'd just be buying for buying's sake. My eldest has a mixture of designer clothes (not extortionate top end prices though) perfume, trainers, gift vouchers, etc. Middle child has got an Xbox plus games and the lots of smaller presents like smellies, make up, hair products and then my youngest has got a small tablet, hot wheels garage, imaginext toys, lego, etc etc. They also get plenty of presents from their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc so the house is full come Christmas Day. Rationally i know they have enough and like I said we could spend more but I don't want to spoil them too much, and have instead put money aside for trips out over Christmas i.e. a pantomime, meal out, trampoline park etc. I know my kids will get so much more out of these sort of things so why am I stressing? Ahh!!!!

OP posts:
Tw1nsetAndPearls · 20/12/2017 22:33

I literally haven't bought anything for DC3 (10 months). She has all her older siblings old toys, doesn't need clothes or equipment and I'm going to wrap some little played with baby toys to give the illusion to the older 2 that F.C. has been. She doesn't know and won't care. She will enjoy the boxes and paper instead!

Our boy was a similar age last year and we didn't get him anything. He couldn't open presents, had no idea and needed nothing and so it would be spending money for the sake of it. This year he had a token gift but to be honest we were not going to bother this year either

TheOtherGirl · 20/12/2017 22:47

It's normal for some people to spend £400 and equally normal for some people to not spend £400.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 20/12/2017 22:55

If what I am doing is normal why are you being so confrontational?

All of my friends must be much poorer than you TOG as I don't think I know anybody who spends £400.

AnonymousToday2 · 20/12/2017 23:07

£400 sounds a lot to me but in rl I don't know anyone that buys their child only one or two gifts or spends 'only' £50 total either.

Most people tend to fall in the middle somewhere IME.

Fuckoffee · 20/12/2017 23:13

Spending £400 on presents for a child for one day is obscene. I don’t care if you are loaded or have scraped it together by selling your internal organs. It’s an obscene amount to spend on a child.

LaurieMarlow · 20/12/2017 23:14

OP spend what you want. Ignore the people telling you you are spending too much as well as the people telling you you are spending too little. Do your thing and don't look to others for validation.

TheHobbitMum · 20/12/2017 23:27

OP I think you've been judged harshly for spending what you have. I have teens and I spend about that but they certainly aren't spoiled or have mountains of tat! Once they are older the gifts become more expensive, you can't pick up tits on 3 for 2 like you used to be able too. OP spend what you are happy spending but don't compare to others. If you are comfortable then that's perfect

BackforGood · 20/12/2017 23:43

YABU to be discussing how much you, or other people you know, discuss how much you have spent.
Personally, I think £400 per child is a completely ridiculous, OTT amount to spend, being as you are asking, but if you have loads of money, and that is how you choose to spend it, then it's up to you, and no skin off my nose.
Talking about it and comparing with others is just going to be the thief of all joy though, as you will always find somone who has more, or, in this case, has spent more if you are somehow measuring your worth, or your love for your dc in this odd way - despite the fact that the overwhelming majority won't spend anything like that amount.

Changednamejustincase · 20/12/2017 23:52

£400 each is a LOT more than we have spent on our DC. I had been thinking we had gone overboard. I don't see how you could think you had not spent enough. You must realize most people spend far less.

Only1scoop · 20/12/2017 23:56

Who are all these people who discuss how much they've spent?
I have honestly never come across this in my nearly 19 years of being a mother.

Vulgar!
^

This

LemonysSnicket · 21/12/2017 01:26

It just depends on who you’re around. So many people here think £400 is excessive, clearly the people around you spend even more. My mum used to spend of £1k on each of us every year, my best mate got about £200 worth. We both have amazing Xmas memories just like your kids will.
Chill.

TheDowagerCuntess · 21/12/2017 06:37

OP, you're doing just fine.

Surely you can see that.

sweetsomethings · 21/12/2017 06:53

Fukoffee it's hardly obscene if your kids need a new laptop for school it will easily set you back £400 . Similarly a new bike £200. Or the one that all my sons school friends are receiving this year the Nintendo switch is £300 before games .

Animalfarmfan · 21/12/2017 07:01

Well my Dd1 has about 3 gifts to open only. We spent less than 100 on each child. We have spent more other years when we purchased tech like IPod's but op I think your spending seems excessive to me but your choice.

Conniedescending · 21/12/2017 07:30

Yuck you and your friends sound dreadful - thought u we're going to say 50-80 quid!

I have older children as well and 400 each would easily enough and include some v nice gifts indeed. I've spent under 150 on mine and they have some lovely things which I know they'll be grateful for

Also other than on mn have no conversations about how much I have spent with friends at all! We are not materialistic st all. You either are or the circles u r in are but it all sounds tacky craggy and horrid

k2p2k2tog · 21/12/2017 07:34

You know YABU. It really doesn't matter what anyone else is spending - it's not a competition. I also don't know people who list what they've paid for everything, how crass. I mean, someone might say their son wants a games console and they got a really good deal in the sales, but not reeling off each thing and what it cost.

Every single person on MN is in unique circumstances, with diferent household pressures, incomes, ages of kids, etc. One poster night spend £500 without batting an eyelid, for another, £20 might be a real push. We're not all the same.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 08:21

Fukoffee it's hardly obscene if your kids need a new laptop for school it will easily set you back £400 .

I get that tbh. We bought our daughter a lap top for her birthday which was about that price. But that was a one off. They don't beed a big ticket item every year. But the people talking about spending £400 are talking about morphe makeup or Jack Wills underwear. That seems to be buying so that you can spend £400

LaurieMarlow · 21/12/2017 08:46

But the people talking about spending £400 are talking about morphe makeup or Jack Wills underwear.

I don't see anything wrong with this though, in and of itself. I like expensive makeup. I get it for myself and am gifted it by others. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it.

If I had a teenage girl who was into makeup and really wanted that brand then I'd be happy to get it for her if I could. I don't see why I'd deny her and not myself.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 10:14

I don't see anything wrong with this though, in and of itself. I like expensive makeup. I get it for myself and am gifted it by others. I'm lucky enough to be able to afford it.

If I had a teenage girl who was into makeup and really wanted that brand then I'd be happy to get it for her if I could. I don't see why I'd deny her and not myself*

I have a daughter who loves makeup, last year we bought her an hourglass palette that was £60. But £400 minus £60 leaves a lot of change and so lets not buy the line that £400 doesn't get very far. I hardly think that not spending £400 for the sake of it is denying mu children anything.

LaurieMarlow · 21/12/2017 10:27

Still, throw in some clothes (not to mention anything electronic) and I see how you start getting close.

I have a toddler, so this is outside of my experience. But I see how it happens. And if you can afford it, then I don't have a huge problem with it.

TheOtherGirl · 21/12/2017 10:29

You do seem a bit obsessed with what I'm buying my DD for Xmas Twin, I think this is your third post that you've referred to her presents Grin

I'll repeat what I said, that if you buy high end make up or pricey trainers or clothes then £400 doesn't buy them a mountain of presents, it really doesn't. Looking at the presents under our tree, our DDs will have roughly 10 things to open each.

Like Laurie says, we are lucky enough that we can afford it, so it's really not an issue.

We have friends who have just upgraded their DD's pony to a horse for Xmas. We really can't afford to be doing that Grin But I certainly don't think it obscene that they can afford to do it.

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 10:34

I still think you have a fair way to go to get to £400. I don't have a problem with people spending a lot of money on their children - it isn't something we do anymore. However it seems strange to not acknowledge that it is a lot of money and unless you are buying a laptop or games console - and how many of those do they need - you are buying quite a bit off stuff.

I actually think my daughter is a bit spoilt and definitely has quite expensive taste and so I am not taking any kind of higher moral ground but aside from when we bought her a laptop we would have to try hard to spend £400

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 10:42

You were the only one who told us the exact brand that you were buying TOG which is why I referred to your post not because I secretly want to abduct your daughter.

I can relate to your post because I have a daughter who is perhaps a little older than yours as she wouldn't want Jack Wills anymore but she has a drawer full of expensive makeup and so in that area they are similar. I was making the point that even if you are buying things like that the £400 does actually go quite far.

Despite you strangely wanting to be judged - I wasn't judging you at all but just pointing out that £400 goes quite a way and so I don't buy the line that it is hard to spend less - 10 presents is actually quite a lot of presents- that isn't a judgement just a statement.

TheOtherGirl · 21/12/2017 10:43

I really don't think 10 presents constitutes a lot to open on Xmas Day. To be be honest I am very good at spending money and wouldn't break a sweat at trying to spend twice this amount Grin

Tw1nsetAndPearls · 21/12/2017 10:46

We have friends who have just upgraded their DD's pony to a horse for Xmas. We really can't afford to be doing that  But I certainly don't think it obscene that they can afford to do it.

I haven't said it is obscene and it certainly isn't obscene to be able to afford to do so. To be honest I have more understanding of getting the horse than buying ten presents.