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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas present buying

157 replies

Liz876 · 19/12/2017 08:24

I probably know the answer to this but Aibu to keep letting other people, who constantly feel the need to tell me how much they've spent on their kids for Christmas make me doubt myself if I've bought enough for my own kids. My Dh thinks I am and that I should just smile and nod along when people do this.

Don't get me wrong I've had the odd conversation with friends about what our kids have asked for but I have a couple of friends in particular who are Christmas obsessed, who spend a fortune (which is fine it's their choice) but then go one step further and have sat and rhymed off to me every single present they have bought their children and told me to the penny how much they've spent.

At first I didn't really care because firstly it's their choice and secondly I was happy with what I'd bought for my own children. But now I'm doubting myself. I don't usually post on here about how much I spend on Christmas but to put it into perspective I have three children and have spent around £400 each on gifts for them, plus new clothes, shoes etc. My Dh feels this is enough and despite us being able to spend more we genuinely can't think of anything else they would like so we'd just be buying for buying's sake. My eldest has a mixture of designer clothes (not extortionate top end prices though) perfume, trainers, gift vouchers, etc. Middle child has got an Xbox plus games and the lots of smaller presents like smellies, make up, hair products and then my youngest has got a small tablet, hot wheels garage, imaginext toys, lego, etc etc. They also get plenty of presents from their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc so the house is full come Christmas Day. Rationally i know they have enough and like I said we could spend more but I don't want to spoil them too much, and have instead put money aside for trips out over Christmas i.e. a pantomime, meal out, trampoline park etc. I know my kids will get so much more out of these sort of things so why am I stressing? Ahh!!!!

OP posts:
SunshineHQ · 19/12/2017 09:58

At the moment, I have spent £8.50 on DD9 and £25 on DS11.

Excluding all the little bits for their stockings.

I am feeling a bit bad about the £8.50 for DD, and looking around today for anything else to add to it.

Both kids are fully aware that money is tight, as we have just bought a new house, which needs various repairs.

Lovemusic33 · 19/12/2017 10:01

Liz I’m the same, I don’t spend much else on them during the year, they don’t get pocket money (but I will give them money if they go out or if they help around the house), we don’t have fancy holidays or a nice car. They also don’t get much from family for Christmas. I like to spoil them for Christmas but as they have got older a lot of the gifts are things they need (clothes) but instead of buying primark which I buy during the year, I buy them a couple branded bits. I don’t think they are spoilt and I don’t think it would make much difference if I spent £50 or £1000, they are always greatful and don’t act like spoilt brats just because they have been spoilt for one day.

I don’t really discus what I have spent with friends or family other than their main present, it’s no ones business and my kids don’t go to school after Christmas bragging as they know that not all children get the same.

Paperchains1986 · 19/12/2017 10:01

Literally what is the point of this post? Moaning others making you feel bad by making others feel bad. Lovely.

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 10:03

OP you are doing exactly what your post is complaining about. You are on here boasting about how much you are spending on your children and how many presents they have.

Yuo are right, your friends are being unreasonable, as well as vulgar. But so are you.

NetRunner · 19/12/2017 10:05

I'm just gobsmacked that you could be questioning whether you have bought enough after spending £400 per child. You must see that is a bit bizarre. I don't know anyone either who buys their kids 40-50 gifts because most people I know want to bring their kids up to appreciate the value of things. With the best will in the world, after opening 50 gifts, you won't remember some of what you got, nor will you appreciate what you have been given. The more there is of something, the less valuable / appreciated it becomes! It is up to you what you spend and if you can afford £400 and want to spend it, that is your lookout. But seriously, don't come on here asking whether you have bought / spent enough. It is inconsiderate and vulgar. Have some confidence in your own convictions.

doobeydoo · 19/12/2017 10:05

What an utterly pointless, tedious thread, it's like overhearing a completely dull conversation 'oh now i go to primark usually, but not at christmas, and this is how many presents they're getting each' blah blah blah.

StripySocks1 · 19/12/2017 10:06

Ugh I have a friend who insists on listing every item she’s bought for her pfb for Christmas, it’s really boring. Plus as he’s a baby he doesn’t know what Christmas is or what a present is so it’s just a bit silly.

It sounds like your friends are going for quantity over quality if they’ve bought 50 presents per child then at least 40 of them are just going to be tat so the pile looks bigger.

irregularegular · 19/12/2017 10:06

I think your friends are being a bit ridiculous getting that many presents for their children. I honestly thing the fun starts to wear off after the first few and it must just start to get a bit boring at best, and sickening at worst. But that's up to them. You are being a bit more ridiculous thinking that you have to match them. I hope that this thread has given you a bit of perspective and reminded you that most people do not spend that much or buy that many presents.

My teens have for a long time got 5 presents from us (fewer when they were tiny). Though that includes 2-3 books as a single present. Plus PJs on Xmas Eve. And a stocking of genuinely tiny inexpensive things. They don't even get huge numbers from family as one side doesn't do presents. Probably only 3 this year. I don't know how much I spend in total as I don't have a budget. Bit more on DD15 this year as she is getting a phone. But still not £400. They love Christmas and have never suggested they should be getting more. I think they amount they get is quite normal among our friends.

Money isn't an issue, I just much prefer a few well chosen gifts to a big pile that starts to lose its shine and takes the whole day to open.

NetRunner · 19/12/2017 10:09

Also just realised you spend £400 on gifts PLUS buying clothes and shoes which you obviously don't count as 'gifts'... you must know that you are being unreasonable in doubting whether you have bought enough. No matter what your circumstances, £400 on gifts plus clothes and shoes is MORE than enough.

sweetsomethings · 19/12/2017 10:10

Why are people assuming that those that spend £400 + are not saving up for their kids future . I spend a lot more than that and still save up alot for my kids future it's not either or it's possible to do both

AmIAWeed · 19/12/2017 10:10

Actually I think there's nothing wrong discussing roughly what you have bought - people can do the maths are work it out for themselves, unless you're my husband and totally clueless, which is lucky really as if he knew what I'd spent....!!

Seriously though whilst most kids get that some parents have more disposable income than others you still want them to have a similar experience on Christmas day.

My sister and brother in law are far wealthier than myself. We've spent a similar amount on Christmas presents, the difference as I see it is that they thought nothing of buying their daughter a laptop about 6 weeks ago, whereas i'd have put that aside for Christmas but on the day itself, I know when cousins compare it will be similar.
It doesn't matter so much what internet strangers spend or think is excessive, what matters is can you afford it? Will their Christmas be special?

AnonymousToday2 · 19/12/2017 10:11

YABU. If you can afford it, what does it matter how much you've spent? It's not like they'll know is it?

I have no idea how much we've spent on each dc - genuinely. I look for sales, offers and bargains certainly but we don't really count up.

I refuse to buy tat for the sake of it - we buy things that they will love, one big 'main' present and then smaller ones - and we buy things until they have enough to open that's a 'decent' pile but not ostentatious.

If that pile costs £200 or £1000 (assuming no budget needed), what does it matter? I've found some outstanding bargains for Ds2 (someone selling things BNIB on FB for a quarter of the RRP) meaning I've spent a lot less on him than on ds1 - should I count up and go out and spend a whole lot more to make up the monetary value?

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 10:12

Why are people assuming that those that spend £400 + are not saving up for their kids future . I spend a lot more than that and still save up alot for my kids future it's not either or it's possible to do both

Of course it is, if you have lots of money. But OP says she doesn't.

omBreROSE · 19/12/2017 10:13

I think MN should ban all petty, uneducated posts like these.
Especially at Christmas- as now we have the added bonus of the posters who can afford to do Christmas and put something away
Angry
Just fuck off!

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 10:13

what does it matter how much you've spent? It's not like they'll know is it?

Of course they'll know! They aren't toddlers.

Belleoftheball8 · 19/12/2017 10:13

Nothing worse then people who are boastful with what they have instead of appreciating how lucky they are. Nothing less endearing to folk especially when trying to our so each other.

sweetsomethings · 19/12/2017 10:17

Ombrerose you sound very bitter Merry Christmas

AnonymousToday2 · 19/12/2017 10:21

I don't even see how it's possible to have 50 gifts to open.

Off the top of my head, my two have one 'big' joint present and I'd say 10 ish other Santa gifts each. Then they have about 3 or 4 from us.

No way is someone buying 50 meaningful and thoughtful gifts. They're buying tat - what a waste.

Emmageddon · 19/12/2017 10:21

It doesn't matter how much you spend at Christmas if you can afford it. But telling others, and inadvertently making people feel bad for not having the wherewithal to be so generous to their own families, isn't very nice.

juddyrockingcloggs · 19/12/2017 10:23

I have a friend who lists nearly every single thing she has bought her 3 children, she brags about it and says things like 'that's what kids are for - to spoil'. Every year it's same big boasting game about how much she's got to wrap etc etc.

She spends about 500 quid on each child.

I have one child and spend about the same but I have absolutely no desire to tell my friends about it. It's up to me and my husband. We don't buy tat and we don't brag. In fact except for us (and Father Christmas) no one knows what we have got him.

She also uploads a million pictures on social media showing the array of gifts. That's just tacky and it's not being mindful of others who, work just as hard as what we do, but simply don't earn as much or have other things to pay for.

You have already spent a lot on your children, please don't spend more simply because others do. Similarly don't feel bad because PPs hark that you've spent too much. You can spend as much or as little as your like and there is no 'wrong' amount.

penguinowl · 19/12/2017 10:24

Liz876 I agree with you when they get older £100 doesn't go far.

My teenagers haven't got loads but £100 would only by a pair of jeans from river island and a top from Victoria secrets and that would be it!

I have spent around £350-£400 on my oldest two teenage daughters where as the younger two have had about £120-£150 as you can get so much more for your money

omBreROSE · 19/12/2017 10:24

sweet
I’m not bitter.
I’m not in dire straits myself...
But unfortunately,l know many who are. Desperate and distraught.
These threads piss me off!
Especially the smug ‘got it all sorted crowd’
Merry Christmas back to you Biscuit

AnonymousToday2 · 19/12/2017 10:26

what does it matter how much you've spent? It's not like they'll know is it?

Of course they'll know! They aren't toddlers

Dh is on his way back from JD Sports now - he's been to buy football boots - last minute decision as they have a huge sale on.

Ds2's were £15, reduced from £75...according to dh they're a very good brand and endorsed by some Schleb which makes the RRP huge but something Ds2 will pee his pants over.

How is he going to 'know' this fabulous pair of boots cost peanuts (by boot standards) exactly?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/12/2017 10:26

I agree about this being a possible stealth boAst. £400 each on presents is ridiculously privileged. Some people really don't know when they've got it good.
There are children out there who will be lucky to get a selection box from pound land

wherethevioletsgrow · 19/12/2017 10:30

I think you should go away op
Your posts are starting to upset people who don’t even have enough money to feed their children - let alone ‘requests’
Do you honestly never read the news/ or notice what a mess this country is in.
Shame on you

This. Get a grip OP. You are either terminally stupid or being goady to start saying 'oh my kids only have 15 presents and I only spent £1200 on gifts plus clothes and shoes'. Sounds like your friends are worse but you are pretty bad too.