Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas present buying

157 replies

Liz876 · 19/12/2017 08:24

I probably know the answer to this but Aibu to keep letting other people, who constantly feel the need to tell me how much they've spent on their kids for Christmas make me doubt myself if I've bought enough for my own kids. My Dh thinks I am and that I should just smile and nod along when people do this.

Don't get me wrong I've had the odd conversation with friends about what our kids have asked for but I have a couple of friends in particular who are Christmas obsessed, who spend a fortune (which is fine it's their choice) but then go one step further and have sat and rhymed off to me every single present they have bought their children and told me to the penny how much they've spent.

At first I didn't really care because firstly it's their choice and secondly I was happy with what I'd bought for my own children. But now I'm doubting myself. I don't usually post on here about how much I spend on Christmas but to put it into perspective I have three children and have spent around £400 each on gifts for them, plus new clothes, shoes etc. My Dh feels this is enough and despite us being able to spend more we genuinely can't think of anything else they would like so we'd just be buying for buying's sake. My eldest has a mixture of designer clothes (not extortionate top end prices though) perfume, trainers, gift vouchers, etc. Middle child has got an Xbox plus games and the lots of smaller presents like smellies, make up, hair products and then my youngest has got a small tablet, hot wheels garage, imaginext toys, lego, etc etc. They also get plenty of presents from their grandparents, aunts, uncles etc so the house is full come Christmas Day. Rationally i know they have enough and like I said we could spend more but I don't want to spoil them too much, and have instead put money aside for trips out over Christmas i.e. a pantomime, meal out, trampoline park etc. I know my kids will get so much more out of these sort of things so why am I stressing? Ahh!!!!

OP posts:
turdconsultant · 19/12/2017 10:32

but Aibu to keep letting other people, who constantly feel the need to tell me how much they've spent on their kids

Sounds like you're amongst twats.
Reminds me of that saying "you are what you hang with"

BrieAndChilli · 19/12/2017 10:38

Probably including every little thing like new pjs for xmas eve, stocking fillers and a handful of presents about maximum £150 per child. Main present is £70 for DS1, £50 for DD and £55 for DS2

mookinsx · 19/12/2017 10:40

growing up chocolate coins, a new duvet set and other essentials went a long way.....
£400..?
probably closer to what I've spent all together for christmas rather than what i can spend on one person

they will have a great christmas - if in doubt get a selection box

wifeyhun · 19/12/2017 10:43

I think £400 is about what I have spent on everyone this year. Each child still has a big sack each. Your children are very lucky Liz.

lazyleo · 19/12/2017 11:10

I feel for the OP, so she's feeling looked down on by people in her own social circle who think think its reasonable to spend way more than she is and who make her feel bad for not 'spending enough" (intentionally or otherwise we don't know) and now she's getting it in the neck for not being mindful of those who can't afford what she can?

OP you have bought what you think its right for your kids and your circumstances - that's all that matters.

So, yes YABU to let other people make you doubt yourself when you think that you have spent enought.

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 19/12/2017 11:17

I sound like gremlin but I would be disappointed if my dc wanted branded 100 trainers.
I hope to raise them to appreciate beautiful lovely things and that doesn't mean a brand name. I show them magazines now and point out the adverts, and how they try and sell to us.
Op I'm another who has a raised eye brow over the expense.

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 19/12/2017 11:18

I don't think op needs to be mindful ofs

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 11:20

I feel for the OP, so she's feeling looked down on by people in her own social circle who think think its reasonable to spend way more than she is and who make her feel bad for not 'spending enough" (intentionally or otherwise we don't know) and now she's getting it in the neck for not being mindful of those who can't afford what she can?

She didn't say anything about anyone looking down on her at all. She said people told her what they spent and that made her feel like maybe she didn't spend enough.
Then she cam on here and did exactly that to other people.

Why would you feel bad for her?

ItsBeginingToLookAlotLikeChris · 19/12/2017 11:20

Of anyone. If you get upset reading this don't read it, it's your problem not ops. I have had plenty of Xmas with no money and given dc gifts second hand, for free, etc. They have always had something to open! For many years dh and I don't buy for each other... Xmas has always been lovely. There is no need for anyone to give thier dc one gift. I know I have done it on no budget

roses2 · 19/12/2017 11:21

I've spent £20 each on my two and that's buying second hand/ Amazon warehouse. They've got 4x items each which is plenty to keep them happy.

Belleoftheball8 · 19/12/2017 11:24

What has rattled posters is that she is a hypocrite she is utilmately guilty of doing the same thing her friends are doing that she is complaining about its cringe post about trying to keep up with the Jones. I personally no keen on people who like to brag on items they brought I think it’s rather untasteful this is no different. It like when skinny people ask if they are fat when they know full well there not

nottwins · 19/12/2017 11:28

I feel very sad that people judge what they've bought as gifts (a) by how much they've spent and (b) by how much others get.

I'm really excited about what I've got my DC. Cost of main presents (each have a main one, then a clothing item) varies from £10 for one to £80 for another. We could happily afford more, and would for something special, but I'm happy we've picked things the DC will all really love so feel no need to add to the collection.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/12/2017 11:30

If you are using park vouchers then you don't have a good grasp of money op. The vouchers mean you are restricted in where you can spend them. Also no interest,
Nationwide offer 5% on £250 a month for a year.

gettingbacktoresearch · 19/12/2017 11:31

We spend £50 each on our three who are 22,18 and 8.... and the 8 year old has said she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't really need anything! I will be getting her some bits but none of ours have really asked for a lot and they don't get spoiled at other times either....

lazyleo · 19/12/2017 11:49

"She didn't say anything about anyone looking down on her at all. She said people told her what they spent and that made her feel like maybe she didn't spend enough.
Then she cam on here and did exactly that to other people."

Fair enough Curry, I absolutely take your point that nowhere in her post does she say that she felt looked down on by others. That was just my interpretation of her post and of course may be wrong. I came to that interpretation because If you take the numbers out of the post she basically says, I think is "AIBU to let people make me doubt myself ..if I've bought enough for my kids.....At first I didn't really care but now I am doubting myself.. Rationally I know they have enough... but....."

I interpreted that as feeling pressured and that her friends making her feel that she is in some way providing an inadequate christmas for his kids. If I had friends who made me feel like that I'd feel looked down on by them - that I wasn't good enough/ wasn't doing enough.

You also asked 'Why would you feel bad for her?'
Because her view that is in fact enough and she knows deep down she shoudln't let these people make her feel bad has been taken as her showing off because she can afford more than others, and I genuinely do not think that was her intention. So now she is being to made to feel bad in two opposing ways - that she can spend more than many others, I'd go as far as to say most others, and yet she is feeling pressure (perhaps intended, and perhaps that she is just percieving and isn't actually her friends intentions' - we really don't know) from friends for not giving her kids enough.

I think she just needs to trust her own instincts and go with what is right for her own circumstances.

LagunaBubbles · 19/12/2017 13:16

Especially at Christmas- as now we have the added bonus of the posters who can afford to do Christmas and put something away
angry. Just fuck off!

Oh come on. I think the OP is being goady but its not their fault that people on MN have different incomes.

omBreROSE · 19/12/2017 13:44

If you’ve been on MN more than 5 minutes- you’ll know that there is some severe poverty amongst the posters.
To keep going on - listing what you can do -how you can still afford to save etc... is just plain crass.
Remember, many more people read posts, than type responses. Wink

TheOtherGirl · 19/12/2017 17:16

The fact is, once they become teens then £400 doesn't actually go that far. Not when you're paying £40 for a Morphe palette, £25 for Jack Wills underwear, or £100 for Fenty Puma Creepers.

Our DDs have asked for money as their main present, so (in theory) they're just getting stocking fillers to open on Xmas Day. But their 'stockings' probably total a couple of hundred quid each.

This seems pretty average among their friends?

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 19/12/2017 17:22

I don't think £400 each is an average amount per teen! I suppose it depends on your social circle Grin

I have teens and haven't spent anywhere near £400 each on them. They've got a couple of xbox games, clothes they wanted and stocking fillers, chocolates, socks etc. I've spent just over £100 each on them.

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 17:24

The fact is, once they become teens then £400 doesn't actually go that far. Not when you're paying £40 for a Morphe palette, £25 for Jack Wills underwear, or £100 fr Fenty Puma Creepers

no it won't stretch far if you're buying that stuff. But not all of us can afford to or would buy it even if we could.

400 quid is a lot of money.

TheHungryDonkey · 19/12/2017 17:24

I don’t know anyone who has this conversation. Not in ten years of parenting have I met anyone who even discusses it. It’s a friends problem but from the post it sounds like you all suit each other.

TheOtherGirl · 19/12/2017 17:30

It's horses for courses curry. We have friends who look aghast at me buying DD a Morphe palette. Yet they think nothing of paying £35 a month on the latest iPhone for their DAD, whereas our DD has a very basic Android smart phone, which we bought outright for £80 and has lasted her over 2 years.

CurryWorst · 19/12/2017 17:31

sure, but nobody needs to be discussing it anyway.

It's so vulgar to talk about how much you spend on gifts.

TheOtherGirl · 19/12/2017 17:33

But, if you can afford it why on earth wouldn't you buy your teen a couple of really lovely items that they have drooled over all year? I get a lot of pleasure from indulging them a bit every now and again.

Enidblyton1 · 19/12/2017 17:46

Op, you really need to get new friends - they are distorting your sense of reality.