Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Did I get this wrong?

170 replies

goldengimbas · 18/12/2017 19:14

Name changes as very outing
I have organised the Secret Santa this year, we have 32 staff and the limit was £3
I draw out the names three weeks ago and gave them out so everyone happy
We have two members of staff who have just had babies so I'd decided rather then giving them someone to buy for I would just get them something and put them in the pile, then they are not having to worry about choosing and buying something for a member of staff but they would still l have a present themselves.
This morning my manager aged asked me to explain why I had done it and when I explained that I thought they might be a bit busy so I was quite happy to do a present for them both. I got told it was not fair and they should have been given a name and I have made them both feel awful (actually spoke to one of the staff in question when they bobbed in last week end explained what I had done and they thanked me for doing it as they are so busy and overwhelmed right now).
I was told to take out the two presents for them as other staff would not think it was fair, I thought who else on the staff would know anyway.
I can't do right for doing wrong

OP posts:

cherish123 · 19/12/2017 21:35

It was a strange thing to do. If they are on maternity leave they have probably got a lot more time than anyone else and even if they are working, it would not take long to get a present. If they didn't want to take part, they would have said. However, if you are organising it, it's not really your boss' business. I would just say that since you were organising it, you thought it was the best thing to do and that your intentions were honourable.

Munchkinbug · 19/12/2017 22:52

Sounds nice to me.

A woman has just given birth, crazy busy, very stressful time. She's on mat-leave. She gets a small token gift - that's for her, not her baby - from people she works with. This lets her know she's still thought of by her colleagues, and they care enough about her to get her a little gift, without expecting anything in return - a hiatus from normal expectations because she's JUST HAD A BABY.

No, you didn't need to ask them first. Yes, you were perfectly correct in thinking it's not exactly top priority to contact them regarding Secret Santa to ask if they'd mind. And yes, your manager is a prat. If your colleagues would genuinely get upset over someone receiving a £3 gift, and not contributing, given the circumstances, then they need help.

Tell your manager to wind his/her neck in. I would love to have someone like you in my office.

Munchkinbug · 19/12/2017 22:59

Geez, I did a bit more reading of the comments on this thread and wish I hadn't.

FFS, people.
Get offended when somebody calls you a c*nt.
Get worked up when somebody steals from you.
Get pissed off when somebody actually hurts you.

DON'T get offended when somebody does something nice for you - be grateful.
DON'T get offended when somebody does something nice for somebody else, but not you - grow the fuck up, and realise it's not always about you.

OP - you were kind, end of.

Hugsarethebest · 19/12/2017 23:04

I feel your pain...I tried to organise a Christmas party a few years ago....never ever EVER again! People will always find something to moan about.

I cannot understand why anyone would create a fuss about this...your heart was 100% in the right place.
Having been through what these mums have gone through, the last thing they would probably want to think about is sorting out a secret santa present! Yes you could've contacted them...but if I was one of those mothers I would be swearing at my phone and saying that I couldn't give a crap about secret Santa considering the circumstances. And the fact that one of the mothers spoke to you directly and was grateful for your thoughtfulness just shows that your boss is wrong.

Maybe your boss is jealous as they wanted a gift too? Either way, it's odd that they should get involved.

At my place of work, people are so excluded and are completely forgotten about whilst on maternity leave so this kind and thoughtful gesture would've made such a difference.

I cannot understand how anyone could be offended or put out by this as you were only trying to be kind and very thoughtful to your colleagues.
Have any of your other colleagues said anything negative or have you kept it quiet?

BackforGood · 19/12/2017 23:06

Well said Munchkinbug

Hugsarethebest · 19/12/2017 23:06

I needn't have bothered writing my post.... muchkinbug....just ditto!!! Well said!!!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 19/12/2017 23:25

Has anybody here said that the OP wasn't kind or that she hadn't been thoughtful? No they didn't.

OP feels bad because her manager has stepped in. Might be heavy handed of them but it's up to them to manage the whole team presumably, including the staff on maternity leave.

As nobody here (presumably) is one of the staff on maternity leave or the manager, nobody can really know how any of them felt about it. I can understand why OP is upset because she thought she'd done a nice thing but it hasn't been taken that way so it's gone a bit sour.

I'm sure at least one or two posters have leapt in to do something from a kind place and it's not gone the way it was intended - I know I have and it stings a bit. Nobody has disputed that the OP meant well.

So with respect Munchkinbug, you don't speak for me.

Munchkinbug · 19/12/2017 23:41

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe - I don't intend to speak for anyone, just myself, but respect was intended, so that's how I've taken your comment.

I'm not sure if your first statement was directed at me. I don't think it can be, as I never said anyone had insinuated the OP hadn't been kind. I did feel that people were missing the point somewhat thought. Some have said the OP was patronising. Some have suggested the other staff would rightly be put out. You, yourself said:
"what about the other staff? What have you done for them?"
Why should she do anything for the other staff? Why should they care that she didn't do anything for the other staff. Sometimes, events happen in life that single us out for special treatment. Birthdays come to mind, as do weddings and having babies. That's life.

My post was more about listing the basic concepts I was taught, and that I live by. I find them very useful, and it means I'm not tied in knots trying to second-guess people.

kittensinmydinner1 · 20/12/2017 07:38

*Sometimes, events happen in life that single us out for special treatment. Birthdays come to mind, as do weddings and having babies. That's life.

My post was more about listing the basic concepts I was taught, and that I live by. I find them very useful, and it means I'm not tied in knots trying to second-guess people.*

Bloody hell Munchkinbug, you sound far too fucking normal to give advice on MN !
Where is your righteous indignation at people doing nice things for others without first getting approval in writing ? No good can come of this.

Dianag111 · 20/12/2017 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/12/2017 08:36

OP asked Did I get this wrong?, that was the premise of my reply to her. Not that I thought she had done anything wrong, she was kindly, but she's got into hot water at work over this and I was thinking about the reasons why other people might not have taken it as intended.

It didn't warrant a diatribe as to what people should think and how they should post.

WelshSue62 · 20/12/2017 10:37

Tbh - I think it sounds as if your manager's nose is out of joint that you took it upon yourself to make a decision and do something kind. Some people's power trip extends to good and bad deeds! You've done nothing wrong - but perhaps next time just leave them to it! (sad world)

NewMama12 · 20/12/2017 11:15

As a new Mum who could barely find time to eat or shower for the first few weeks, I’d have been thoroughly grateful to you for doing this. If work had contacted me about secret Santa 4 days after giving birth I’d have told them to do one!

Aridane · 22/12/2017 15:48

I think I am missing the point of this thread - but if people are on maternity leave, why would anyone involve them in a work matter, even if it is the secret Santa?

spidey66 · 22/12/2017 15:53

I would have left them off the Secret Santa list tbh. if they've only just had babies a week ago, they ain't going to be interested in a £3 present from work!

spidey66 · 22/12/2017 15:54

or what Aridane said.

MadisonAvenue · 22/12/2017 15:56

I think that what you did was really thoughtful and kind!

cherish123 · 23/12/2017 23:52

People on leave usually are left off things like Secret Santa, principally because they are not present in work to hand over/receive a gift.

flowergrrl77 · 24/12/2017 11:19

I want to thank you OP.

I have been a mum of an unexpected birth before Xmas. This would have been an amazing thing had Someone done this for me! Baby was due Feb but born 3 weeks before Xmas so really wasn’t expected!

It was only 3 quid and is just a small kind gesture xx

so I want to thank you as I feel you deserve it xx

ConjugalHoliday · 24/12/2017 11:23

I'd be extremely grateful if you'd done this for me. Please don't lose any sleep over this.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread