Did I get this wrong?

[goldengimbas]

Name changes as very outing
I have organised the Secret Santa this year, we have 32 staff and the limit was £3
I draw out the names three weeks ago and gave them out so everyone happy
We have two members of staff who have just had babies so I'd decided rather then giving them someone to buy for I would just get them something and put them in the pile, then they are not having to worry about choosing and buying something for a member of staff but they would still l have a present themselves.
This morning my manager aged asked me to explain why I had done it and when I explained that I thought they might be a bit busy so I was quite happy to do a present for them both. I got told it was not fair and they should have been given a name and I have made them both feel awful (actually spoke to one of the staff in question when they bobbed in last week end explained what I had done and they thanked me for doing it as they are so busy and overwhelmed right now).
I was told to take out the two presents for them as other staff would not think it was fair, I thought who else on the staff would know anyway.
I can't do right for doing wrong

[Eveforever]

I can't believe some people said you were being patronising for trying to be helpful at a time that is busy in any new parent's life. Smh.

[SandyDenny]

I can't believe the people who are saying that OP should have asked the new mums? Really? She should have contacted them wihin days of giving birth in difficult circumstances and asked about an office secret santa? How bizarre.

[del2929]

That was a lovely and very thoughtful thing you did, ..what a pity your manager is an arse.

[brotherphil]

AIBU to suspect that this manager is jealous that a couple of people got a £3 present without having to buy one? Perhaps the type that demands people bring the stump of the old pencil before "permitting" someone to have a replacement, and counts out the paperclips?

[SchadenfreudePersonified]

Perhaps the type that demands people bring the stump of the old pencil before "permitting" someone to have a replacement, and counts out the paperclips?

I've been subjected to that abomination!

Same woman spent 90% of her (very highly paid) time hunting down the cheap (and often plastic, disposable) teaspoons that people had the temerity to remove from the kitchen, and flood the entire university (not just our department ) with castigating e-mails about them

We fondly referred to her as "The Spoon Police".

[brotherphil]

I admit I'm feeling a bit grumpy today but am I the only one who thinks this is a bit of a humble brag? grin

yes.

[Orangeseed]

So you bought a small Christmas gift for two new mums? I really fail to see the problem. How can anyone interpret that as anything other than a kind gesture?

[martellandginger]

What’s the saying? No good deed goes unpunished.

[notangelinajolie]

Bless you OP you were trying to help and I'm sure did this with the best intentions. It was a nice thing to do. There really is no pleasing some people. Bah humbug to your boss - do what you have been told to do but please don't get upset over it.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I just want to be clear about what you did, OP:

1. You drew SS names for all of your staff EXCEPT the 2 on maternity leave?
2. You put in your own money to pay for 2 x £3 gifts for the 2 on maternity leave?
3. One of the maternity leavers was happy - what about the other one?
4. Someone's told on you to the boss?

Do you think that it may be one of the other staff who feels that you're showing preference to the two on maternity leave and feels aggrieved?

I think it was an idea from kindness but not necessarily a good one. You've plucked two staff to be a benefactor to yourself... what about the other staff? What have you done for them?

It seems really petty but people can feel slighted for very little. Is that what could have happened here do you think?

[Lashalicious]

I think you did a very nice thing op!

As they say, no good deed goes unpunished....

[CauliWoes]

I think what you did was really sweet and thoughtful. Some people are never happy, miserable gits!

[PolarBearkshire]

This major nanny state thinking really does my head in . Ok good intentions but no- pregnant or breastfeeding or cancer sufferers still are functioning humans and if you think they will struggle to get some cheap stuff - simply ask. To go ahead was rather NOT COOL

[Abbylee]

I think that one of the mothers is probably blowing of frustration and you were just the final straw. Did you email them your help? So then they could have a choice? Although, when my dcs were brand new, i would not have read emails.

[MillennialFalcon]

I think your gesture was nice, you didn't want them to be stressed out or left out. The manager has missed the point, probably the colleagues are upset because of their personal circumstances not the flipping secret santa! I can't imagine it being an issue at such a stressful time, it pales in comparison with problems with their children's health. I can't see how I would have done anything differently in your shoes, I'd have felt bad about bothering them at a difficult time about the secret santa. It's sad that you are being given a hard time at work after making the effort to organise everything and pay extra for their gifts. Since your efforts haven't been appreciated I would definitely avoid organising the secret santa next year, with the excuse that you apparently got it "wrong" this year and wouldn't want to offend anyone again. It sounds like a thankless task.

[1000ds]

You were being kind and thoughtful! This kind of office nonsense makes me glad I don’t work in one anymore. Well done for being normal and thinking about your colleagues!!

[Ulli58]

I, too, think you were thoughtful and kind.

[HelpTheTigers]

I think that you did something that was kind and very considerate and I would be very surprised if anyone else in your office apart from the manager, thought differently. It seems to be a bit of an odd thing for your manager to wade into, with such a high-handed attitude, but then again, I think that your manager is a bit of a prat.

[Passenger42]

Go back to your boss and say your very hurt and disappointed by her petty comments especially as X said she was ok with the idea and if she can do a better job then she can take up secret Santa next year as your not being paid for your extra time or the £6 your stumped up for the maternity mum's.

[Sparklyglitter]

Well done you! You did absolutely the right thing under these circumstances and I’m sure both Mum’s/members of staff would appreciate how thoughtful you have been. xx

[Jessikita]

Jesus Christ I can’t believe you went out of your way to be kind and thoughtful and got called for it. You manager is a plonker.

[Candyfloss1122]

I would have REALLY appreciated this, so I don't think you were being unreasonable at all. Sounds like you were being very thoughtful and caring.

Please don't feel bad.

[goldengimbas]

Thanks, obviously some people on here would have contacted them and asked them if they wanted to join in but I thought under the circumstances they would not want to be bothered. I think if someone had got in touch three weeks after my child was born and was asking about secret santa it would have been a bit flummoxed and I was lucky enough to have a fully healthy child.
Leaving them out completely- yes I could have done that but I remember being on maternity leave at my last job and I was literary made to fill like shit by the other staff and my bosses as they never got touch, refused to let me do KIT days and I did not even get a card so I just wanted them to know we were thinking of them and they are very much part of the team

[goldengimbas]

That was not just me that was treated like that by the way it was everyone who went on Maternity leave at that place was treated like a leaper

[Springprim]

Bless you! I think you did the right thing. I would have been grateful if I hadn't just given birth.