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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I get this wrong?

170 replies

goldengimbas · 18/12/2017 19:14

Name changes as very outing
I have organised the Secret Santa this year, we have 32 staff and the limit was £3
I draw out the names three weeks ago and gave them out so everyone happy
We have two members of staff who have just had babies so I'd decided rather then giving them someone to buy for I would just get them something and put them in the pile, then they are not having to worry about choosing and buying something for a member of staff but they would still l have a present themselves.
This morning my manager aged asked me to explain why I had done it and when I explained that I thought they might be a bit busy so I was quite happy to do a present for them both. I got told it was not fair and they should have been given a name and I have made them both feel awful (actually spoke to one of the staff in question when they bobbed in last week end explained what I had done and they thanked me for doing it as they are so busy and overwhelmed right now).
I was told to take out the two presents for them as other staff would not think it was fair, I thought who else on the staff would know anyway.
I can't do right for doing wrong

OP posts:
allthegoodusernameshavegone · 18/12/2017 20:22

Lovely thought op, I think your boss is pissed she didn’t think of it

Pouffealouffe · 18/12/2017 20:23

I admit I'm feeling a bit grumpy today but am I the only one who thinks this is a bit of a humble brag? Grin

schmoozypoo · 18/12/2017 20:24

I think you did a lovely thing OP especially in those circumstances, your manager is an idiot.

QueenUnicorn · 18/12/2017 20:25

You done a nice thing. Very considerate given the circumstances. Ignore all the negativity.

elland · 18/12/2017 20:27

@Pouffealouffe No, just someone feeling upset because she can't do right for doing wrong.

tiredybear · 18/12/2017 20:28

You are a lovely, thoughtful person. What a kind thing to have done.
Your boss is a spiteful loser, as PP said, probably sour grapes that they dind't think of it, cos actually, that's what the boss should have done.

don't let the haters get you down and stop you doing nice things in future. Rise above the silliness.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/12/2017 20:29

humble brag?

Never occurred to me. I rather hoped it was someone who was saying "I have two small Secret Santa presents going begging, one of which is a box of Malteasers , would anybody like one?

But it wasn't

Homebird8 · 18/12/2017 20:29

You are lovely. If boss doesn't have more to think about than this they are probably not in the right position. Draw out two more secret Santa slips and allocate each of the new mums to the other. How the presents get into the pile is between you and them then.

ferntwist · 18/12/2017 20:30

YANBU. Sounds like your manager has zero life experience or motivational skills. Do you work for David Brent?

mirime · 18/12/2017 20:33

My baby was mostly fine but I was stuck in hospital for two weeks and if it had been round Christmas time and someone in my office had done this I'd have been delighted. I think it's a lovely thing to do.

Yanbu. Your manager is odd.

Pollaidh · 18/12/2017 20:34

At first I thought perhaps you could have asked them, but given your post on how new the babies were and health issues, then you absolutely did the right thing. It would have been incredibly insensitive to worry those parents about a bloody secret santa in those circumstances. I've had a sick baby in NICU and if someone had started hassling me about secret santa I'd have told them where to go.

Japanese · 18/12/2017 20:42

Am struggling to understand why anyone thought it would be a good idea to include someone who had just given birth in a workplace secret santa present-giving exercise. FFS. These things are bad enough at the best of times - and now even maternity leave is no escape.

Aducknotallama · 18/12/2017 20:45

Honestly you did the right thing and anyone saying otherwise is just being a twat.

holidayqueriwifi · 18/12/2017 20:46

You did a good thing. I'd have said thank you!!!!

LaPompadour · 18/12/2017 20:49

People are bloody hard work!
OP, you did a very thoughtful thing. There are countless threads of women moaning they feel left out whilst on maternity leave, you tried to include your colleagues without bothering them. You can't win.
Don't feel bad, it was a really nice gesture.

user1483644229 · 18/12/2017 20:50

Sounds very thoughtful to me and given the situation I would have been very grateful.

SandAndSea · 18/12/2017 20:52

It was sweet of you - very thoughtful.

Sadly, Secret Santas can be a bit of a nightmare.

Reflexella · 18/12/2017 20:53

Secret Santa is the work of the devil

VladmirsPoutine · 18/12/2017 20:59

Tbh I'd have been grateful even if I was still at work and not on mat leave or anything Grin

Tiredmum100 · 18/12/2017 21:06

I think it was very nice and thoughtful of you!

ShoesHaveSouls · 18/12/2017 21:10

You did a good thing, OP, a kind, thoughtful and generous thing.

"No good deed goes unpunished" indeed.

And also "secret santa is the work of the devil" - learnt by me last Friday when my DS took a present into school, but didn't get one back. Hey ho.

Strictly1 · 18/12/2017 21:13

I think what you did was thoughtful and I’d have been appreciative.

Salycinnamon11 · 18/12/2017 21:19

I can just see it now, 1 weeks after giving birth, possibly still in hospital and I get a text/phone call asking if I'd like to participate in secret SantaHmm

Op you did the right thing

Salycinnamon11 · 18/12/2017 21:19

WeekBlushWine

QuackPorridgeBacon · 18/12/2017 21:36

I think what you did was thoughtful and really kind. I’ve been in hospital with a newborn who no one knew would survive long enough for transplant etc if someone rang me to ask about secret Santa I would be so annoyed and would hang up on them. However if someone gave me a little gift at such a time I would have felt so thankful and probably cried from the kindness. Ignore your boss, she is obviously a twit.