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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Did I get this wrong?

170 replies

goldengimbas · 18/12/2017 19:14

Name changes as very outing
I have organised the Secret Santa this year, we have 32 staff and the limit was £3
I draw out the names three weeks ago and gave them out so everyone happy
We have two members of staff who have just had babies so I'd decided rather then giving them someone to buy for I would just get them something and put them in the pile, then they are not having to worry about choosing and buying something for a member of staff but they would still l have a present themselves.
This morning my manager aged asked me to explain why I had done it and when I explained that I thought they might be a bit busy so I was quite happy to do a present for them both. I got told it was not fair and they should have been given a name and I have made them both feel awful (actually spoke to one of the staff in question when they bobbed in last week end explained what I had done and they thanked me for doing it as they are so busy and overwhelmed right now).
I was told to take out the two presents for them as other staff would not think it was fair, I thought who else on the staff would know anyway.
I can't do right for doing wrong

OP posts:
CremeFresh · 18/12/2017 19:41

Would a woman who has just given birth really complain about a secret Santa ? Confused Bloody worlds gorn mad !

Neverender · 18/12/2017 19:42

I actually think that's very kind of you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2017 19:42

You did z really nice thing. Who does your manager thing they they are dictating something like this in a non compulsory event?

Pengggwn · 18/12/2017 19:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

insomniac123 · 18/12/2017 19:44

Think you were being really thoughtful! Your manager is being a twat.

ChasedByBees · 18/12/2017 19:44

I think you did a kind thing, I can imagine in the same circumstances I wouldn't want to contact them to ask that at that time.

House4 · 18/12/2017 19:45

People on here telling the OP they would be upset are ridiculous! Your boss is ridiculous! Unbelievable! How very nice of you OP. Ignore the nutters! If this was me I would be very grateful.

dertyyuoih2 · 18/12/2017 19:45

Blooming heck clearly someone has nothing better to do that whinge. If I had just had baby secret Santa would be the last thing on my mind, I’d begrudge being involved in something on mat leave too.
You did a lovely thing, your boss might not appreciate it but grand scheme of things it was nice

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/12/2017 19:45

It seems even less fair for one of the new mums to have got her little gift, and the other won't if you obey your Obergruppenfuhrer's boss's order.

I would take the gift to her mother for her anyway - and as it is an inexpensive one, I would absorb the cost myself . . . your office despot can't stop you spending your own money on anything or anyone you want to.

I can't believe that anyone has really complained - it's three quid, not the national debt!

VladmirsPoutine · 18/12/2017 19:48

@SchadenfreudePersonified Yikes! Shock Godwin's law.

Joinourclub · 18/12/2017 19:48

I think you were being nice and I dint see how anyone could be offended by this.

Original poster
goldengimbas · 18/12/2017 19:49

I have bought the presents myself so they are mine to do with as I please so I will take the other to the lady's mum.

My boss it strange, when I told my very close colleague what had happened he said "ah it must be your turn to be told off and if that's all she can get you on then you are doing ok"
It's a joke in the office that there is always one person who is flavour of the month and there is always someone getting shot down in flames, and it goes in cycles round the staff

OP posts:
Pouncival · 18/12/2017 19:51

"no good deed goes unpunished"

YANBU OP

Pennywhistle · 18/12/2017 19:54

Cherry you would have felt left out by someone including you?

Someone doing something nice for you when you have a brand new baby would make you feel bad? Confused

People do all sorts of things for new Mums to try to be nice/helpful I’m not sure why anyone would consider this any differently.

I wouldn’t be offended by this any more than I was offended by friends sending my flowers, bring casseroles for my freezer or anything else.

grannytomine · 18/12/2017 19:56

You did a nice thing, you won't make that mistake again will you.

MiltonTheCockroach · 18/12/2017 20:05

That was one fuck of a drip feed to be honest.

Still think you should have consulted them before acting on their behalf.

Naughty1205 · 18/12/2017 20:09

You were being very thoughtful. Your manager needs a talking to. Git!

Olivelor · 18/12/2017 20:10

I think it was very thoughtful of you. If I were them I would appreciate what you did rather than complain as I'd have much important tasks to attend to with the baby than just worrying on an x'mas gift. Just don't think about it and get yourself all worried up.

Cornishclio · 18/12/2017 20:10

You were being thoughtful and I cannot believe anyone who has just given birth within the last couple of weeks would be in the slightest bit bothered about secret santa presents. To be honest if I had been you I would have been embarrassed to contact them over such a trivial thing. Your boss has too much time on their hands to worry about such a thing.

Mrsmadevans · 18/12/2017 20:16

YADNBU OP and the boss is a plonker. I should tel them to all eff off next year get someone else to do it and let them get the flak

Ironfloor · 18/12/2017 20:17

Your boss is bonkers. You did a very thoughtful thing, and I'm on your side.

iamyourequal · 18/12/2017 20:18

Yanbu OP. You did a nice and thoughtful thing. If your manager has time to get her knickers in a twist over the administration of a £3 limit Secret Santa she needs more work to get on with! 3 quid limit is a fab idea BTW. I might be tempted to take part myself on that budget...Grin

TessoftheDoobieBrothers2 · 18/12/2017 20:19

True; no good deed goes unpunished. Your boss sounds like a real joy-kill and a liar if she wrongly told you that colleague was upset when she wasn't. I'd be weary of her tbh.

Agree. Definitely sounds like the boss has form for stirring up trouble where there's no need for it.

I can't understand people like this. Why don't they just get a normal hobby?

Sara107 · 18/12/2017 20:20

Oh, I think you were really thoughtful. I would have appreciated that so much. Can't believe it was an issue at work, or that other posters think you got it wrong.

TessoftheDoobieBrothers2 · 18/12/2017 20:21

True; no good deed goes unpunished. Your boss sounds like a real joy-kill and a liar if she wrongly told you that colleague was upset when she wasn't. I'd be weary of her tbh.

Agree. Definitely sounds like the boss has form for stirring up trouble where there's no need for it.

I can't understand people like this. Why don't they just get a normal hobby?