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Original poster

DP 'secret' social media profile

379 replies

bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 19:55

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

OP posts:
Charolais · 17/12/2017 23:54

Tippz, No, men are not born liars. Hang with a better crowd.

BenLui · 18/12/2017 01:15

But men lie a LOT more; probably 10 times more than women.

That’s a very sad perspective. Sad

You need to get to know some better men.

esk1mo · 18/12/2017 01:25

this is so sketchy. i reckon he’s using instgram for some weird material to wank to, it doesnt sound like hes actively interacting with people

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 18/12/2017 02:00

I don't see why you don't want to follow him or let him know you know OP.

Being all secretive about this is just going to make the issue worse.

Follow him...he'll either crap his pants or follow you back and laugh about it.

Either way you'll know then his intentions with the account.

Janetjanetjanet · 18/12/2017 02:10

How are you so sure he doesn't have Facebook?

Cinnamus · 18/12/2017 07:20

I have first hand experience of this sort of behaviour.. I think you should be very suspicious.

Thebluedog · 18/12/2017 07:55

I know this is prob me being a bit paranoid (having been on the receiving end of something similar) but are you sure he’s not got a Facebook account? Have you tried searching for it on something’s by other than your account? He may have blocked you and you can’t see him if you search for him on your account.

Try searching him on google or see if a free end can see him.

Animation86 · 18/12/2017 08:03

He’s following women from his past and the school run but not his wife?

Naaaaaaa , red flags

MsJuniper · 18/12/2017 08:17

How do you know he is active on it if there are no DMs etc? Surely the most recent login will be yours?

Having said that it does sound very suspicious.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 18/12/2017 08:28

I've searched his email address on google and searched for him on Facebook from safari and can't seem to see anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
bumblingbum · 18/12/2017 08:30

@MsJuniper I can see that he's 'liked' photos and has followed more people on there and his searches etc. So although he's not posting anything is he still using the account when he told me he doesn't.

OP posts:
ferntwist · 18/12/2017 08:37

bumbling sorry you’ve been having a tough time. He should be talking to you and not randomly adding women on Instagram. I’d watch him for longer before you say anything. Is that your instinct too?

laudanum · 18/12/2017 08:44

Oh bloody hell its the men can't be platonic partners with women trope again.

You snooped his account. He's followed some women and suddenly he's up to no good? How would you feel if he distrusted you so blatantly?

ferntwist · 18/12/2017 08:47

No laudanum you’ve rather over-simplified, put two together and made five. It’s not the fact he’s friends with other women at all, it’s that he’s lying about using social media - saying his account is old and he never uses it when it’s brabd new and he’s upstairs adding old girlfriends and mums from the school run.

Ashamedandblamed · 18/12/2017 08:47

Erm doesn't Instagram say when you have logged in on a new device. I'm sure I used my mums iPad and it sent me a message to my
Phone.

NSEA · 18/12/2017 08:51

I don’t thibk there’s anything wrong with him setting up an Instagram account. Have you snooped on him before in other ways he will be aware of, as that could put him off adding you.

He probably is the kind of person who would use social media to snoop on exes etc. Which I wouldn’t obsess over as if he has clearly never had social media before, so that’s 10 years of not being bothered...which you should focus on. Most people do this when they first join facebook etc so I wouldn’t assume the worst...I would assume he’s just being very nosy and when he has got it out of his system he’ll either close it down or add you x

Shouldileavethedogs · 18/12/2017 08:58

Red flag. Stay quiet and watch.

laudanum · 18/12/2017 09:04

Ferntwist:

No I haven't.

Unless there's accompanying odd behaviour that indicates infidelity, this level of invasive snooping is ridiculous. When people who aren't big on social media start using it, it's not a big deal to announce it to all and sundry. Then there's the fact that most platforms pester you to add contacts etc. It's perfectly normal. He might not have added his wife, but unless he makes a song and dance NOT to add her, then there's nothing to worry about.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 18/12/2017 09:12

@laudanum The only odd behaviour is that he's lied about having an account and has lied about using it.
Not sure of his reasoning behind lying. I do find it unsettling that he is following woman from his past but he could just be having a nose as we all do sometimes.

I actually feel sick to my stomach that I'm snooping on him and invading his privacy but the fact is he is lying to me.

I really hope this is just nothing but because we've had a bad few months I'm more bothered about this than I perhaps should be.

OP posts:
Mrsemcgregor · 18/12/2017 10:03

Something seems dodgy here, you can’t do much but wait and see.

EmilyChambers79 · 18/12/2017 10:54

But men lie a LOT more; probably 10 times more than women. They lie and lie and make shit up all the time, even when it's not necessary. Men are born liars

Your experiences of men do not make it fact.

Not all men are the same.

EmilyChambers79 · 18/12/2017 10:56

You snooped his account. He's followed some women and suddenly he's up to no good? How would you feel if he distrusted you so blatantly

He made a point of telling her he didn't agree with social media and had no accounts because of how much he dislikes it.

Except not that much as he has an Instagram account that he frequently uses and chooses not to tell her about. When she does ask him about it, he then lies further by saying he never goes on it except he does.

BestZebbie · 18/12/2017 10:58

Instagram really wants you to follow everyone it can find in your digital contacts who also has Instagram (I run an Instagram for my workplace and have to be quite wary that I don't mass invite all my personal friends to it or start it following all their profiles). This may explain the slightly peculiar collection of people you know - it is people he had a saved email address or phone number for somewhere in his online presence, who have Instagram.

heron98 · 18/12/2017 11:02

This all sounds very innocent to me.

Does he really have to tell you when he opens a social media account? I don't think you've got anything to worry about.

Gerbil17 · 18/12/2017 11:09

Its not that he needs to tell her. Its that when she seen it and asked about it he lied

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