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Original poster

DP 'secret' social media profile

379 replies

bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 19:55

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

OP posts:
dreamingofprairies · 17/12/2017 20:20

If he only liked pics of cars and there are no DMs then I would leave it.

Unless he has a history of lying to you?

FlashTheSloth · 17/12/2017 20:21

I wouldn't be impressed by this. Why feel the need to lie? Not that my DH has instagram but I cannot imagine him following some random school mum if there wasn't a reason.

Eatalot · 17/12/2017 20:21

Yanbu hes lied. Are there private messages? Plus you can 'view relationship' and it shows you and posts likes.

Thebluedog · 17/12/2017 20:21

Keep an eye on it and don’t not tell him about logging into his account.

If your alarm bells are ringing then you need to keep an eye on it

pilates · 17/12/2017 20:23

Why lie, that would bother me too.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 20:23

@FlashTheSloth When he pointed out the school mum to me all he said was that they used to be quite friendly when they were in school together.

OP posts:
reallyanotherone · 17/12/2017 20:23

I am reasonably active on SM but am private about it. DH knew I used it but I didn't add him for a good few years after we met.

Why? I don't know. I guess it feels a bit like having him tag along on nights out and listening to conversations I have with my friends. I don't say anything I would mind him overhearing, but he also doesn't need to know my every thought and deed.

i did add him eventually but don't like that I have to think about him reading it. I use it less since.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 17/12/2017 20:23

Saying he opened the account ages ago and doesn't use it is an absolute classic lie. Yup, usually one they use about dating sites, but if he's using social media as a dating site, same thing.

No, Rose, he hasn't done anything wrong...as long as you don't count lying to your wife as wrong Confused Hmm

Lying is often the worst part about any wrongdoing. Having the balls to fess up to a mistake is respectful and respectable. Lying is the coward's way, the big issue here is why he's lying and predictably its about another woman, someone you already have your suspicions about.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 20:24

@pilates That's what's bothering me. I have no problem at all if he wants to start using social media but I don't understand why he feels he needs to lie about it?

OP posts:
BenLui · 17/12/2017 20:27

My DH is active on Twitter, I’m not. I have in fact gone as far as saying “I hate Twitter”

I set up an account a few months ago because one of my DC’s sports clubs warns of weather cancellations only via Twitter.

Having set up the account I’ve ended up idly following a few groups etc and have people now following me.

At no point have I mentioned this Twitter account or use to my DH.
I don’t follow him on Twitter.

I love my DH, we’re very happily married, he has free access to my email my Facebook etc.

There’s nothing suspicious about my twitter account. However if I found out he’d gone behind my back and hacked my account I would be absolutely furious.

You are incredibly in the wrong here.

Tippz · 17/12/2017 20:29

Thing is OP, when you have a very strong suspicion something is going on, there usually is.

I would not even confront him, as he will cover his tracks (if he is up to anything,) but keep an eye on the situation. Fuck it if it's 'spying' and not trusting your partner. You need to know.

My hunch is that there is nothing going on with him and this woman, but it sounds like he wants there to be something.

Doesn't sound good to me. Sorry.

DorisDangleberry · 17/12/2017 20:31

So you hacked into his account and snooped around. And somehow he is in the wrong?

Original poster
bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 20:32

@BenLui I know I'm in the wrong for accessing his account. I feel bad about it especially as I haven't found incriminating but something just isn't sitting right.

OP posts:
maras2 · 17/12/2017 20:34

Go with your gut feeling.
Hack emails and search for a second phone.
Sorry but this sounds well dodgy.Hope I'm wrong though.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 20:35

@DorisDangleberry I few he is in the wrong for lying to me. I feel guilty that I've logged in to his account and kind of wish I didn't.

OP posts:
Tippz · 17/12/2017 20:35

I know this is man-bashing, but it's true.... Men lie. And they lie. AND they lie. They will deny deny deny and lie and lie and lie WHEN they are up to no good. Even when presented with evidence and proof of their bullshit, they will continue to lie.

Sometimes they just lie for fuck-all, just to make themselves/their life sound better, but they will often lie to cover their tracks when they are playing away. They will swear down on their kids lives that nothing is going on, even when it's all lies.

Don't believe a word he says about his accounts being old/rarely used. And search for more when you can. Keep spying, hack his emails, look for another phone, search drawers and pockets and briefcases etc.... As I said, if he knows you are 'onto him,' he will cover his tracks.

Gerbil17 · 17/12/2017 20:37

Has he got a facebook account opened that you arent aware of?
Search his name under this womans friends

Idreamofalandrover · 17/12/2017 20:37

Have you checked his DMS?

Doublevodka · 17/12/2017 20:38

Go with your gut feeling. If you feel something isn't right, it probably isn't. I would definitely keep an eye on it.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 20:38

@Idreamofalandrover Cheked the DM's and there were no messages.

OP posts:
ferntwist · 17/12/2017 20:39

Oh dear OP, it sounds really suspicious. The sudden account, who he is following and the fact he’s blatantly lied about it - “it was set up ages ago”. It’s got a bad smell to it.

Idreamofalandrover · 17/12/2017 20:41

Humm no DMS. I think you need to confront him asap or let it go, sounds like he's just stalking people as many of us do, but worrying that he lied.

BornInSydneyy · 17/12/2017 20:43

Again I wouldn’t get too sucked into this thread everyone .... very interesting first post op

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 17/12/2017 20:46

Maybe she followed him and he followed her back because that’s a polite thing to do.

Original poster
bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 20:47

@BornInSydneyy This isn't my first post I have NC'd

OP posts:
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