DP 'secret' social media profile

[bumblingbum]

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

@wednesdayswench are you sure about this. I was wondering if he'd get notifications?

@daisychain01 he's active as in he is 'liking' posts and following new people etc

Don't feel bad for snooping, your instincts were right. And when you speak to him about it do not allow him to derail the conversation with self-righteous indignation...

If he had been open about it, it wouldn't be so problematic, but there is clearly something dodgy about an account he wants to keep secret from you. At the very least he wants to look at photos of these women, at worst he's trying to communicate with them.

Just looked at his account from my profile. It's set to private so can't see photos or anything but can the number of people he follows. I saw that the number went up so logged in to his account and he has followed another woman. I can't be sure it's the same person but it's the same name of a girl he was seeing before we met many years ago. Not sure what to think. It could be completely innocent couldn't it? He could just be having a bit of a nose like we all do sometimes? I'm currently downstairs and he is upstairs. He's followed this person since he went up to bed. Really trying hard to not get obsessed with checking his account.

it could be completely innocent - but it sure sounds suspicious! Be watchful.

I've changed my mind, I'd be interested to see how he reacted to you sending him a follow request OP.

Either admit what you have done and point out it seems dodgy as fuck or keep an eye on things

Yes I am completely sure notifications aren't sent on instagram at the moment, although security settings may change in the future.

You can test this by logging onto your own account from another phone or iPad while still logged in from your phone,

So as far as I know there are two ways to create instagram accounts, 1. facebook account 2. email. Which one has he used? You probably need to log into these too. Maybe you get more info, or maybe he has used the FB account to log into online dating because sometimes that is the only way you can. Sorry that I am enabling, but I am a bit of a geek....

@OnionKnight Well he's allowed his brother to follow him so I can't see why he would t accept me. I don't want to add him though as don't want him to know I'm giving it a second thought. The photos he's posted are innocent- it's the things that followers don't see such as DM's, searches and photos he's liked that I'm interested in. I feel sick that I'm snooping though.

@AnaViaSalamanca He created his account using his email. Definitely doesn't have Facebook. I really don't want to log in to his emails as I know he'd get a notification.

@wednesdayswench Thank you. I did a quick google search just before you posted and you're right. Phew!

He may not have added the new follower this evening, he could have requested to follow her a while ago and she has only accepted the request tonight which is why his followers increased by 1 person.

Tbf we've all looked at our ex's social media profiles, it's human nature.

So what are you going to do? Keep logging in because you're worried that he's up to something? What if he isn't up to anything yet you carry on snooping, where does it end?

@wednesdayswench Ah yeah I didn't think of that. I think I need to stop stressing about it don't I? It's making me feel horrible.

@OnionKnight I'm going to try and forget about it.

Could be totally innocent OP.

The lying about not using it is unfair though. Perhaps he was worried that if he admitted he did use it that you would be offended he hadn't followed you and question him? Or that he means he doesn't use it in terms of uploading photos because you said there weren't many uploads?

I think forget it for now. Maybe check in a few days?

I'd not mention it to him again, but keep logging in at intervals. That's the smart thing to do if not the moral one. But then he doesn't have the moral high ground either..

How is everything else between you? How long have you been together? Do you think he’d have any reason to stray? (Not that they need one, but you know what I mean.)

Which email has he opened Instagram with?

Put his email into Google and see if it's linked to anything else.

This was how I found all of my ex's extra activities that he denied, including dating websites and adult friend finder.

@Butterymuffin This seems sensible and is what I think I'm going to do. Although tonight I've been in and out of his account like a yo-yo and he's been definitely on it upstairs in bed now as he's been searching people (including the girl he lost his virginity to?!) I know we all look up our exes at some point but just finding it really unsettling. Really don't want to obsess over it but finding it difficult!

@ferntwist Things have been bad recently. Both stressed, tired and not making time for each other etc but I thought we were getting over it.

@EmilyChambers79 That's a good idea. I know his email address so will google search it now

The secrecy is a massive red flag.
He's not the person you thought he was

He seems to be using it quite a lot for it being instagram.
I am an active user on there but i do photography and love photography.
I spend my time on there uploading my shots and liking other peoples work.

When i havent been taking many photos and find myself with nothing to post, im not on it anywhere near as much.

I dont know how other people, who dont use it for photography spend their time on it but i cant imagine it being much.
I have a lot of followers and follow a lot, but the interaction is bare minimum.

I dont know. I might just use it differently to others.
I find your situation very odd and i would be doing exactly the same as you, OP.

Don't feel bad about snooping - this is your life and you're entitled to know what's going on. If it was me, I think I'd friend him (or whatever it's called). If not, definitely keep looking but maybe try not to get too obsessed about it.

@DorisDangleberry

Men lie? Because of course there is no instance of women lying in the history of the world.?

What the fuck are you on about? I never said women don't lie!

You just make shit up to purposely argue if it makes you feel better though eh???

Of course women lie too. But men lie a LOT more; probably 10 times more than women. They lie and lie and make shit up all the time, even when it's not necessary. Men are born liars. They can't help themselves. I think they lie and believe it themselves sometimes!