DP 'secret' social media profile

[bumblingbum]

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

Again I wouldn’t get too sucked into this thread everyone .... very interesting first post op

Don't be so rude and ignorant @BornInSydneyy The OP said she was making a new name up as she didn't want to post under her usual name.

@PricillaQueenOfTheDesert Yes possibly. I don't know why he's lied about using the account though

He definitely doesn't have a Facebook account

OP, did he lie to you before?

He has set this up with the intention of using it in secret. There are people at the school gates that are friends with him on an account he has lied about. Regardless of what’s on there right now there is an intention here.

@dreamingofprairies He has lied in the past about other things (gambling etc)

@MrsPicklesonSmythe This is why I feel uneasy about it but I have so far found no reason for him to lie about it. The account activity is fairly innocent so far

When I first mentioned to him that I'd seen he has an account he told me it was set up ages ago and that he doesn't use it. He then said 'If you don't like it I'll just delete it.'
I told him there was no need and I was just a bit surprised to see he had an account. We haven't mentioned it since although he's been active on it as recently as the last hour or 2.

I don't necessarily find it odd he didn't add you. I don't know how instagram works (I genuinely thought it was just teens who used it, ooops!) but I always find it cringey on fb when co-habiting couples converse on there publicly, instead of talking haha. It does seem weird he has this secret account though

‘Used to be friends with’ I would assume is used to date or used to fancy...

He’s created this to check out her life and spy on her. It’s marginally dodgy but I wouldn’t assume it’s anything other than him being nosy but keep an eye

It's a strange thing to lie about.

I would follow him and check on it every now and then. Especially if your gut feeling is telling you that something is wrong.

I'd keep an eye on the account but as there's nothing suspicious going on then pestering him about it further will only make him be more careful.

However, I also think that you have not behaved well by hacking his account, particularly as you have admitted that you wouldn't like it if he did the same to you.

Oh and he can refuse your follow request so it's not as simple as some posters are saying when they say 'I'd follow him'.

But if he refuses her follow request then she will definitely know there is something wrong.

Watch him like a hawk, there's something fishy going on as you yourself think. But don't alert him to anything. and I absolutely would not feel guilt about "snooping". I would for sure.

This is something that could easily go either way; it could be absolutely nothing or it could be something. The fact he has lied about gambling means he might lie again. On the other hand, he may think of an instagram account as not being “social media” in that there is usually no posting of opinions and controversial stuff that he may be trying to avoid on regular social media. Instagram is usually just photos and things like that (I think). If he is a car lover then that makes sense, and then these acquaintances saw his acct and they followed him so he just followed them out of courtesy. I am speculating obviously. If there are no direct messages (is it possible for him to have deleted them?) and these women have never commented on his posts or he them, then I think it’s nothing and he just didn’t think to tell you of the account because he didn’t consider it “regular” social media like facebook.

Don’t feel bad about looking at his account. Keep on eye on it just to see and put your mind at ease. If you have a feeling then trust your feeling on this. The strange thing is that he’s active on it and never mentions it. However, I post on forums and things all the time and dont’ “inform” my dh. That would be strange in itself. It is probably nothing in my opinion.

The lie would make me uneasy and I don’t know why he would decide to add pretty random women if they are no longer ‘friends’ but did not think to add you. I wouldn’t tell him I had snooped and I would keep a little eye on it. That said, I wouldn’t focus too heavily on it if to the best of your knowledge he’s been a trustworthy partner in the past.

We haven't mentioned it since although he's been active on it as recently as the last hour or 2

He's repeatedly lied to you - i wonder what else he lies about that you don't know?
It's his secret stalking account so he can stalk/perv on other women without you knowing.
Having you on his account or being 'open' about it ruins the whole buzz he gets from keeping this secret from you.

But if he refuses her follow request then she will definitely know there is something wrong.

Not necessarily.

She's already admitted to hacking his account, she can't find anything dodgy and she also doesn't follow him.

I don't understand why couples must follow each other on social media if they are both on there.

I am not active on any social media but I have an account which I opened ages ago to communicate with a particular friend.

Although I never use it directly, sometimes I use it in relation to business pages I look at, relating to something I'm going to buy/somewhere I'm going to go, things like that, so if someone were to look at it it might look like I am more active than I actually am, iyswim.

I never use is for anything social, but I am connected to a number of people on there because when I first joined they asked and I responded, and I've never bothered to change it since (because it's irrelevant, as I'm never on there apart from for specific things).

I don't know how instagram works, but maybe it's something like this?

I'd be quietly watch too, because he lied.

But fgs don't 'like' anything by mistake (like School mum's selfie from 8 months ago!)

He may bringing it up with you later. A lot of social media accounts email you these days when the accounts are accessed/logged into when you weren't already logged in...

Tippz
"Men lie. And they lie. AND they lie"

Amazing. Because of course there is no instance of women lying in the history of the world.

@BewareOfDragons Instagram doesn't, you can log on to an account from various devices with no notifications.

What do you mean about him being really active on the Account? What sort of posts is he actually doing and to whom? Are you worried about the people he has friended?