DP 'secret' social media profile

[bumblingbum]

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

Washing - yes

You’re derailing OP’s thread. Ignoring the fact her partner went out last night and wouldn’t tell her where he’d been, told her they should split when she asked.

Glad you've come to a sensible conclusion.
Hope it works out for you

Fair enough.

This is really shit. I know I need to end things but feeling so scared about everything.

At your own oace bumblingbum it is a huge shock to you and a massive change you are facing. It will be scary.

Are you really wanting to end things or see you hoping things could be fixed?

Own pace*

I definitely want to end things for a number of reasons. We haven't been happy for so long

The straw that broke the camels back.

You poor thing facing this just before Christmas. Do you think you’ll get through the next few days without saying anything? How has he been today?

Poor you OP, been following your thread and really feel for you. Sending hugs x

Sending you a massive hug x

OP don't make rash decisions. No life is perfect. But trust is everything.

Chat with him, honestly and lay your cards on the table about how you feel . See what you want to do. Best of luck xxx

OP I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you can get through your tough time quickly with minimal stress x

Please do try to look forward, it may be a tough time at the moment but think how much happier you will be in 2-3 years time.

Chat with him, honestly and lay your cards on the table about how you feel

This is spectacularly missing the point of the situation.

He's the one who should be making an effort to initiate an honest conversation and laying his cards on the table about whether he gives half a fuck about the relationship, not the OP. What has the OP got to be "honest" about? Why the hell should she make any further efforts at this stage, while he stands by, doing absolutely nothing to make amends or change his behaviour.

@daisychain01 - sometimes I think people can lie - all sorts of reasons - to save a row, reaction, bury their head in the sand until - they know it's D Day. Doesn't make it right or ideal. But the 'chat' can open up discussion which might highlight issues in a relationship not being discussed that 'could'be resolved.

If OP turns and says I know you've lied, I don't know why, it feels like you're looking up other women / exes. This feels like the end as trust is imperative, please explain or it's over. That is likely to open up honest discussion. I meant OP being honest about how she feels not that she's the one in the wrong.

I'm no longer with the father of my children due to cheating. I'm not without experience on this, or the warning signs where my relationship broke down before the cheating.

Sometimes things can be worked on. Sometimes they can't. Mumsnet is very LTB, which sometimes is right, sometimes is not.

I have an old school mentality sometimes, e.g. like when your grand parents stuck together through thick and thin.

No right, no wrong. Just talking might help.

This is now in the flipping daily mail! So annoying. I’m sorry op x

Omfg

Have they even read the thread and his threats?

Cheers to the mail for putting people at risk

I can't believe the DM can do this.

Disgusting.

He's lying for a reason. I don't know what it is. I think you have to quietly play detective.

In my experience, when men from my past have suddenly popped up it usually transpires they've had a break up/ going through a bad time with their partner and are trying to see who might be an alternative option.

A man seeking out women from his past and lying about it is a worry, sorry.

I posted before I read the latest things.

Definitely stropping to deflect. Rather convenient that you are so awful he has to get away from you

His reactions not normal. Lying about it all is not normal. Not adding you while adding half your town is not normal . Hope you manage to enjoy Christmas in some way. Sometimes it helps to have a good plan

OP are you okay? Hope all is going well out there.

It's not really about Instagram, it's about the fact he has repeatedly lied to your face. What does he have to say about that? Lying is so bad for relationships as it destroys trust, and when there's no trust there's no relationship.

Foobar I don't for a minute disagree with you that talking through problems as a couple is the best approach. Like you, I'm a traditional value type of person, not saying other people aren't, but the nature of relationships can feel quite "disposable" (eg somewhat trivial example is that I can hardly believe what I read today that Jamie and Louise Redknap are already divorced - speed of lightening stuff.

The main reason there are so many LTBs on MN is because the people posting have probably tried the talking things through, making the effort, seeing from the others pov until they're in the face.

It shouldn't have to be up to the wronged party to take on all the guilt of the breakdown tearing out their heart that they haven't tried hard enough. When it gets to that stage, they need to move on to a better place not give their emotion to a loser. And LTB has its place then.

First things first, he hasn't cheated on you there so in that way he hasn't done anything wrong. But just think about it, the man created a Instagram account even though he told you how much he's against social media, what I find weird is that he didn't follow you knowing that you have an account there and active. It's pretty obvious he wants to keep this a secret and doesn't want you to know about.

Keep an eye on it.