DP 'secret' social media profile

[bumblingbum]

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

*off in a

Well if it was all innocent why would he act like this? Get rid.

Pack his bags while he is gone. What a dick

Definitely keep an eye on it, don't reveal to him what you know. He has told lies,wait and see what develops. Usually institutions are correct in these matters

Stella did you read any more of the thread than the OP?

He’s behaving like Kevin the teenager

He’s thinking about cheating on you. You know it. He knows it. There’s nothing wrong with what you’ve done. He’s lied to you repeatedly and dismissed your feelings. Please do not apologise for invading his privacy. There’s a lot at stake if he’s planning on cheating on you. Your future and the lives of your children could consequently be disrupted so you’ve got every right to be deeply concerned. Fuck him for putting you in this shitty position.

He is doing the classic liars tactic of turning it around on you.

My partner had a gambling problem. I went through his bag and found lots of more hidden debt and gambling and not once did he ever make me feel guilty for going through his stuff, and nor did i feel guilty.

He is so very guilty and you've done nothing wrong. He is planning to cheat or at least thinking about it.

If he honestly had nothing to hide, he would have had a proper chat with you and shown you there was nothing suspicious or worrying going on.

He is textbook lying and diverting.

I feel for you here.
I'm just be repeating over and over again, and focus on "It's not the Instagram account, it's the lying".

It's a bugger that you hacked his account as it weakens your position- it doesn't negate it though, as essentially he initiated your need to snoop by lying. Now he's using this breach of privacy as his "out".Nah. I wouldn't let it go either, I'm afraid. You could creep around in strained silence for days then raise it again - but I think it's gone beyond that now. Just keep quietly repeating to him "It's the lying, not the account".

The fact that he's making it such a huge song and dance seems like he's got some kind of issue/reason going on with it that he is either embarassed about, feeling pathetic about or has dodgy motives - either way he really, really doesn't want to cop to it. He'll have to know because he's carrying on so much. I mean how private to you get to be in a long-term relationship? If it's so vital to you that you loose your shit after your partner catches you in lie and feels concerned and therefore needed to snoop( which is kind of reasonable), then I think there's a problem anyway. This level of stropping is weird.

It's doubly shit because anyway it goes, it's not goinng to pleasant for you till it works out. Persist.

Bless you, that's not the response of an innocent man :(

Hope you manage to sort it all out lovely x

Sorry to hear about this but it is very suspicious behaviour. My dp has some social media but he followed me in the first lot of 'following people' and we occasionally interact on each others posts although largely operate within our own friendship groups. Anyhow, it would be odd if he was doing a little t of stuff secretively. We have been together 15 years and I'd consider social media secrecy rather dimly.

I do not for a second believe that someone who reacts this way/is so defensive can be 'innocent'. Something is definitely going on that he doesn't want you to know about! ☹️.

Sorry OP. x

He will calm down and then he will have to talk this through. You only started looking because he lied about having an account so don’t feel too badly. Most people would have reacted the same way.

Instagram isn't the problem here...

And adding him won't help. If he's using it for sketchy purposes, he'll either disallow the request (he already looks bad; he's got nothing to lose) or start a new secret Instagram and abandon the one that you've found.

To be honest, it sounds like he doesn't respect you at all, and I'm wondering if that's rather mutual? Is this bad patch something that is possible to come out of? Worth it?

He's lying to your face and refusing to engage with you. It will be very hard to turn that around.

Well this thread has certainly put me off the idea of juries.

Where is the concern on his side about how you feel? He doesn’t seem to care about getting on with you.

Did he come back after his strop? I'm sorry but I would t trust him as far as I could throw him right now.

He came back but no idea what time. I went on up to bed. I heard his alarm go off this morning and I asked if he was ok and where he went last night. He told me to stop giving him the third degree and if I was going to continue this we might as well call it a day now. I'm getting Christmas out of the way and then seriously considering the future of our relationship.

Who the feck does he think he is.

“Stop calling me out for lying or we’re over”

What kind of threat is that. Dickhead

OP, is he always this much of an arse?

I'm sorry this is happening to you x

I think the fact that he is quite happy for this to end rather than speak to you about it speaks volumes

Sounds like he’s checking out.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you, call his bluff & tell agree to calling it a day, but ask him to go after Christmas, so as not to spoil it for your children. It’s a shame you can’t find any evidence of what he’s up to as he’s definitely up to something

If my DH spoke to me like that I wouldn't be getting Xmas out of the way tbh, he'd be out on his arse. He sounds awful. Basically he's saying shut up, leave me alone, let me do exactly as I please even when it involves lying and disrespecting you or you can fuck off. Not much of a catch is he? Finding out who he ran to all last night would probably be very illuminating too!