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Original poster

DP 'secret' social media profile

379 replies

bumblingbum · 17/12/2017 19:55

NC for this one.

My partner of 10 years has never had any form of social media. He says it's a waste of time and pointless. The other day to my surprise I came across a photo on Instagram posted by a local business. Think along the lines of 'Another happy customer') and he was tagged in it so has his own profile.

I messaged him saying that I didn't realise he was on Instagram and he said he created the account 'ages' ago and that he doesn't use it at all. Fine. Whatever.

Now this is where I've been out of order...I've logged in to his profile. (Local business posted his username and I was able to guess his password.) No idea why I felt the need to snoop. I suppose because it's out of character for him as he has previously been against social media. I just find the whole thing a bit odd.

He's only posted 3 photos and they're of his new car- fine. What's weirding me out is that he's followed a Mum that I recognise from the school run. She's also followed him back and I remember him pointing her n the playground a few weeks ago saying he used to be friends with her and she's a really nice person. He's also followed a few other women (I assume that he knows from before we met) and some men too (so not just women) but not me!? He knows I use it a lot. He's set his profile to private too.

Also he said he created it ages and never uses it but it was actually only 3 weeks ago but from his activity he seems to be fairly active on it! I know I shouldn't have violated his privacy and logged in to his account but I just feel somethings a bit odd. Why is he saying he doesn't use it when he does?

Maybe I need to just forget it

OP posts:
Selassi · 21/12/2017 16:27

Tell him to add you you are his wife there is no reason for you to not be on his social media profile

QuackPorridgeBacon · 21/12/2017 16:28

You are looking too far into things though. I’d reckon that’s why he never told you. He could also be cheating but how can you know? You’ve seen no evidence that he is yet you still condemn him?

loobyloo1234 · 21/12/2017 16:29

You are not over-thinking this OP. He is deflecting. The facts are, you know you shouldn't have snooped - BUT - why is he being so secretive and why is he adding women from his past and women from the same town when he 'bare'y' knows them Confused

Get to the bottom of it tonight for your own sanity

Whinesalot · 21/12/2017 16:37

I've snooped on exes out of curiosity but I wouldn't lie to my DH. Do you have form for being jealous/over reacting? Could he be lying to save himself an interrogation?
If he really has nothing to hide then his reaction is understandable. The trouble is you still don't know whether he has something to hide. You need to have a calm talk.

southeastdweller · 21/12/2017 16:37

Of course there’s something fishy going on, otherwise he’d be happy to add you. And apart from the lying, it’s suspicious that he’s changed his password.

ferntwist · 21/12/2017 16:55

Oh no OP, what a pathetic response from him. How are you feeling?

ferntwist · 21/12/2017 16:56

P.S. Do you have kids?

Pandoraphile · 21/12/2017 17:02

STOP CHASING HIM. That shows that you're not that cross and you'll let him get away with whatever he wants. Total silence unless he starts the conversation.

And tbh, WHY he's done it is less important - the lying is the key here.

ferntwist · 21/12/2017 17:17

Good advice Pandora

Original poster
bumblingbum · 21/12/2017 17:22

Just asked if we can talk again this evening when the kids are asleep. He said 'If it's about fucking Instagram again then no. Drop it.' Really don't know what to think

OP posts:
ferntwist · 21/12/2017 17:24

Oh no, what a way to talk to you. He shouldn’t be treating you like this. I’d withdraw now and see if he tries to make up to you, rather than you doing all the running. So sorry this is happening.

lookingforthecorkscrew · 21/12/2017 17:26

I’ve been reading this thread with interest for a while without commenting, but honestly OP his latest reaction smells v fishy to me...

RainbowWish · 21/12/2017 17:38

If it's not a big deal and as he says he doenst doesn't use it ask him to delete it. And see what he says. (Watch him do it)
It seems like he is preparing a plan B so he is not let lonely When he leaves you/ you leave him

Original poster
bumblingbum · 21/12/2017 17:43

The thing is I don't want him to delete it. He can do as he pleases but I don't understand his need to lie. What can I do if he doesn't want to discuss it anymore?

OP posts:
Motoko · 21/12/2017 17:45

I don't suppose he explained why he lied?

So, he deflected, and now he's shutting you down.

That's not good. But for now I would leave things as they are. You've got kids and Christmas is only a few days away. Get Christmas and New Year out of the way, then try and speak to him about it when things have calmed down.

If he still won't speak to you about it, then you'll need to decide what you're going to do.

SoulSputnik · 21/12/2017 17:51

Lying to your partner is not good either. Especially when its unecessary. Joining Insta, then adding people to your account etc and then saying Insta is not your thing - wth is that? Why?

AlwaysPondering · 21/12/2017 18:18

Er no he needs to talk about this with you.
He created a new instagram account. He has followed exes and school mums. And then lied about using it. Now it's in the open he still hasn't followed you. And he thinks you should be unphased by this. WTAF!

BadFeminist · 21/12/2017 19:03

ust asked if we can talk again this evening when the kids are asleep. He said 'If it's about fucking Instagram again then no. Drop it.' Really don't know what to think

Wow. What a dick.

lucylouuu · 21/12/2017 19:27

he hasn't got a valid explanation for following all these women and is getting really defensive!

happypoobum · 21/12/2017 19:32

Well he has made it very clear, he wants you to STFU and he doesn't want to explain why he has lied to you.

I would tell him to fuck off and not come back.

yippyyappy · 21/12/2017 19:39

Hate to say it but I'd be thinking about fucking off at this point. He's lied, he's tried to cover his tracks and now he's being unkind and not even bothering to give a good explanation.

XiCi · 21/12/2017 20:05

He's trying to shut you down and thinks you will just forget about it and let him carry on his merry way. After all he has changed his password now so you will have no clue .
I'd ask him to leave until he's willing to admit what's going on. You say he's a gambler and has lied to you before so I'd be thinking hard about whether he's worth all this hassle

Greenkit · 21/12/2017 20:12

Its not the account its the lying about the account when asked.

I wouldn't be happy he lied and would want to know why.

I know my husband has different accounts for things, I don't care, however if I asked him about it and he lied then I would

Thebluedog · 21/12/2017 20:38

I would be furious with him about his response... he’s lied to your face and somehow it’s your fault Hmm

Original poster
bumblingbum · 21/12/2017 20:51

I've tried AGAIN. He's now gone and it in a strop to who knows where. I'm furious

OP posts:
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