To not recognise Christmas on Mumsnet?

[Kikisxmas]

I love reading all of the Christmas threads but more than ever this year I can't relate to much of it. I'm not slating anyone's way of doing things btw, it just seems that the norm here is not what I know and experience in real life at all.

Some examples;

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friends.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc. There's definitely some snobbery about those of us who buy lots of presents and the assumption it's tat. I'm not including those who can't spend much here btw.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year.

So is it just me!? Like I said I'm not bitching about those who do things differently, I understand some people aren't big on Christmas, don't like it for personal reasons, don't like the commercialism etc.

Not looking for a bunfight, just curious about how your Christmas is and if it fits the mn norm?

I think bragging about the piles of presents you’re buying your DC is far worse than bragging about being frugal. Why on earth would one child need 40+ presents? Doesn’t it render receiving presents completely meaningless? I don’t recall anyone getting that many when I was a child - perhaps it’s fuelled by social media.

The other MN Christmas staples I’m baffled by are elf on the shelf (made up ‘tradition’ that didn’t exist 10 years ago), and the idea that all presents, not just stocking presents, come from Santa (what about writing thank-you letters to the people who actually gave you the presents?).

I'm with @pengggwyn. I always had a pile of presents and social media wasn't a thing when I was a child.

@fffionn how do you get to decide that 1 present is enough for every child though? I respect everybody's right to do things differently but think that dictating the "right" way of doing things is egocentric at best, incredibly rude at worst.

I don't see it as bragging about noy spending money. It's the QUANTITY of presents not the cost of said presents.

We don't go crazy spending at CHristmas, we don''t save hard for it all year and we don't ever get into debt for it. We have a higher income as a family than many and could afford to provide the mountains of presents - but we don't. This year, eldest DS has asked for a huge Lego set costing about £100. We have bought it for him, and apart from that all he'll get is his stocking (chocolate, toiletries, socks, small items), a new hoodie he's been after and a book.

I really don't get the mentality of scrimping and getting into debt all year so that you can have a massive blow out at Christmas. Surely it's much better to provide little treats as and when throughout the year and spread the joy?

I know nobody who does elf on the shelf, Christmas Eve boxes and who puts their tree up in November. Didn't see a tree locally until about the 11th. Ours went up on Saturday.

There is no MN norm.

Why do people keep referring to MN as a single entity?

HTH.

mathanxiety I have played no part at all in making the elf on the shelf guy rich. There's no 'creepy element' to our elf as he does no surveillance.

We have lots of our own traditions going back to when I was s child. The elf has been a hugely welcome addition to all that, which DS (3.5) has adored. We love it.

If that's the dinosaur thing you posted, it's exactly the same thing as the elf. We happen to like our (extremely cheap) elf.

I don't understand why it's any great surprise that among a large number of people, there are a large number of different ways of doing Xmas.
Well - duh!

Compared to my childhood 40 years ago, the differences are more visible - social media.

Here's my Xmas plan - 5 years in a row like this...

Xmas Eve - drinks in local pub, home to put out a plate of things for Santa (always Father Christmas in my day, my daughter has picked up Santa - whatever)

Xmas Day - open presents, sack beside tree, stocking on bed. The latter from childhood - I like it, the combination of "Santa actually came into my room and I didn't wake!" and the very immediate wake up and "he's been!"

Then, at 10:00 she goes to her father and I spend the day alone, with a good book and some pâté.

Oh and my phone - I bloody love looking at friends' photos on FB. Be it present piles, family dinners, elf antics... because I only have people on FB that I like enough not to be derogatory about them.

I see a lot of competitive expensive present buying talk here, including 1000+ per child. The mind boggles. I was slated by many for saying I'm spending less by choice

I've never seen anyone slated on here for spending less by choice. People are slated for judging others for spending more or presenting 'their way' as morally superior. I think I remember your thread.

Pengggyn

What if I told you that we are restrained on presents and our baubles come from Homebase? And that my in laws are restrained with presents too? Does that help? We just don’t like rampant consumerism!

We do go visit family. They live a few hundred miles away though and now we have two kids it's getting tiresome lugging the presents around.

Don't do elf on a shelf or a Xmas eve box. No judgement on anyone else, it's just that I can't be bothered. They do have Lego / playmobil advent calenders though.

Don't go overboard with gifts. They have birthdays either side of Christmas so it gets a bit much. For the last couple of years they have both had a big outdoor gift in the summer, as well as little bits during the year.

I do make a gingerbread house though. And I make fudge for gifts.

Everyone does things differently. I don't think getting into debt for Christmas is ever a good idea though.

I want to scoop those poor children up and show them what a proper normal family Christmas is all about.

Bit judgmental, Rottweiler, to condemn other families' Christmas traditions (or lack of) as not "proper" or "normal".

Do you think everyone who doesn't do things your way is some sort of social deviant, or is it just Christmas that you're the arbiter of?

Pengggyn, yes I know! My point was that you might be projecting / making assumptions which are not necessarily correct.

Not looking for a bunfight

Yes you did. It was clearly a goady post and you've done it. Well done.

Laniakea, exactly! Stocking from Father Christmas on DD's doorknob to keep her occupied until DP and I are appropriately caffeinated, presents under the tree from Everyone Else.

These are, however, delivered by him in the night, mostly due to a combination of paper-shredding cats and our tree being in a floor-ceiling bay window. No need to have everything on display to opportunists.
One other present is from Father C, too. Not the biggest/best, but something DD will really enjoy. She has to wait until all three of us have eaten breakfast, are dressed, and sitting down before presents can be passed out. It kills her but it's the only day of the year I'm not chasing her to brush her teeth!

We don't often see family on Christmas Day. Sometimes someone decides to host, sometimes nobody does. We don't host because our house is small and our families huge.
This year DDad is around (works away) so DMum is hosting breakfast. We'll be there around nine and gone by half-twelve. Presents will be brought with us to go under the tree, and we'll have a big communal unwrap once the dishes are done.
It's always the medium-cousins running around checking for left-behind platters, policing the small-cousin's drying-up skills and begging the big-cousins "pleeeeease wash faster!"
At midday, DD will go off to XP's, and DP and I will go home and lounge around at home in our undies.

We saw FIL, SMIL, and the siblings-in-law (DP's whole-brother, his half-brother and -sister and assorted Other Halves) for a fancy dinner last night, and will see MIL+SFIL on Boxing Day for lunch.

Honestly, the whole "everyone must gather around for a huge and deeply formal Christmas Meal EVERY SINGLE YEAR" thing seems alien to me. It's the randomness of everything that's a tradition in itself in our family.

I’m not dictating, Kiki. I’m saying what we do in our family.

Only one rule about Mumsnet Christmas: everyone else is doing it wrong. And joylessly. And ostentatiously. Positive ostentation or negative ostentation doesn't matter- you're doing it WRONG, I'm telling yer, WRONG!!!

Oh, yes. In my family everyone opened one present as a time as a child.

When I went to MILs last year it was a free-for-all.

@lweji everyone's been able to answer quite civilly and respectfully apart from you. Says more about you than me love.

The thing about the internet, OP, and a talkboard like Mumsnet in particular, is it brings you into contact with people you would never meet in real life. Most of us in real life mix with people whose lives are very similar to our own. If you think about it, it would be very surprising if every person in the entire country celebrated Christmas the way your family and friends celebrate it.

I thought the point of the thread was that we all do xmas differently? It's not about negatively judging others

Surely the point of Xmas is to do what makes you and yours happy. If that's one present of a potty and wearing pjs all day so be it, if it's Xmas eve boxes, a ton of presents and lots of friends and family then that's good too.

I had a shocking childhood. Making Xmas special and happy is for me important. I buy my daughter a ton of presents and surround us with people we wish to be surrounded by and who wish to surround us. Everyone gets excited, everyone is happy, everyone has a great time, isn't that what it's all about? Whatever your and yours version of a great time is, go for it.

My fault I forgot to include lighthearted in the title

I've already had my first Christmas this year: it was last night.

We've always had to do an early celebration at home, with our own family Christmas food & presents because we go abroad to my large extended family over the actual holiday. Can't lug presents on the plane, also would take too long to open them in public, given size of family.

Therefore in position to report back on Christmas1 already. It was good. I got essential (but not random) socks from both children: they got a mix of essentials and non-essentials from us. All happy. Essentials mean you have your own money left to spend on non-essentials.

Something very similar to Elf on the shelf was already happening in my family 40 years ago. Nothing to do with America- never seen a less US-orientated household in my life. It was our own local "tomte"- until the year my mother accidentally hoovered him up.

In my home country Father Christmas/Santa comes to the door and delivers presents in person, so no agonising decision has to be made about whether to tell dc that he is not real or not: your average eagle-eyed 5yo will have worked this out for themselves. A big part of the magic is playing along with the other grown-ups in the know.

Never had a problem with knowing that presents come from both the donor and Santa. Not many thank-you letters as huge extended family usually present on the spot.