To not recognise Christmas on Mumsnet?

[Kikisxmas]

I love reading all of the Christmas threads but more than ever this year I can't relate to much of it. I'm not slating anyone's way of doing things btw, it just seems that the norm here is not what I know and experience in real life at all.

Some examples;

Not visiting family at Christmas- I don't know anybody who doesn't spend Christmas/part of Christmas with family or friends.

Minimal gifts for dc- it sometimes seems like a competition on here, who can spend the least/buy the least for their dc. There's definitely some snobbery about those of us who buy lots of presents and the assumption it's tat. I'm not including those who can't spend much here btw.

Christmas Eve boxes/elf on the shelf/stockings- Again I've seen so many posts, some pretty nasty derisive comments to those who participate.

Giving random essentials for Christmas- A mattress and a potty are the standout ones for me this year.

So is it just me!? Like I said I'm not bitching about those who do things differently, I understand some people aren't big on Christmas, don't like it for personal reasons, don't like the commercialism etc.

Not looking for a bunfight, just curious about how your Christmas is and if it fits the mn norm?

@hack yes you're right, my family and friends have mostly been born and bred in similar circumstances to me. I don't expect every family across the whole country to celebrate the same way. More that to me the majority of posters seem to have a Christmas that's very different to mine.

I agree with the pp who said I'm probably taking more notice of those posts that are different to mine.

We always had stockings and 'big presents' from Santa. But gifts from relatives & friends (apart from mum and dad) came from them. Thank you cards all dispatched after Christmas.

My fault I forgot to include lighthearted in the title

The problem is not the title, it's the OP.

We don't do Christmas Eve boxes or EOTS either but each to their own I guess - the one thing I have noticed on MN is the number of people who don't see anyone on Christmas Day even though they have plenty of family they are in contact with. Not saying it's wrong - we did that when it was DS1's first Christmas as I wanted a stress-free day and I also don't like going to stay with people and being crammed in a house all on top of each other for days - but when I was growing up every Christmas Day and usually Boxing Day were spent with family - normally one set or the other of GPs, sometimes great GPs or aunts, uncles and cousins too. When my late GPs got into their 80s and couldn't travel to see other family members, my parents had them over every Christmas Day until they passed away. They would have been alone otherwise! My mum and dad also have their elderly widowed neighbour for Christmas lunch every year as she would otherwise be alone.

the one thing I have noticed on MN is the number of people who don't see anyone on Christmas Day even though they have plenty of family they are in contact with.

Apart from DSS, our nearest family are a 45-minute drive away. I daresay that if they lived round the corner, we might pop in and say "Merry Christmas" in person, but in between prepping/cooking our meal, walking the dog and opening presents, there's not really a big enough time slot to go and see them.

And we're definitely not up to going after a huge meal and a few drinks.

DSS and his partner are having their 3rd attempt at a "no visitors" Christmas Day. DP's ex has insisted on turning up every year since they've tried to do their own Christmas, except for the year she went to St Lucia.

Mumsnet is a quirky place.

I don't know anyone who lives locally to their family who won't see them on Christmas day. If distance is a factor then it isn't so unusual. If I didn't see my mother she would spend Christmas alone. I don't like the thought of anyone being alone so tend to invite anyone I know I'm that situation. It actually makes a lovely atmosphere.

We do Christmas eve boxes and the elf. The Christmas eve box doesn't have any presents just the bits for Christmas eve, so stockings, carrot for Rudolf, a well used copy of "T'was the Night Before Christmas" etc. The elf just moves position every night and my son finds it hilarious hunting him down.

Regarding the presents, I don't like the competition aspect be it who can buy the fewest presents or who can buy the most. There's been articles in the tabloids in recent years of parents who buy over 100 gifts but all from the pound shop. In my opinion one or 2 good quality gifts would be a better use of the money than 100 tiny things. I find that a bit daft and it does seem to be more for the photo on social media than the children.

I don't see it as bragging about noy spending money. It's the QUANTITY of presents not the cost of said presents.

This year, eldest DS has asked for a huge Lego set costing about £100. We have bought it for him, and apart from that all he'll get is his stocking (chocolate, toiletries, socks, small items), a new hoodie he's been after and a book

So that's close to £200 you've spent there Luna. What is it to you if somebody else chooses to spend £200 on 50 gifts from the pound shop rather than 3 or 4 bigger items. It's just not up to you what other people do with their money.

parents who buy over 100 gifts but all from the pound shop. In my opinion one or 2 good quality gifts would be a better use of the money than 100 tiny things. I find that a bit daft and it does seem to be more for the photo on social media than the children.

Each to their own though tight Blah??

There's been articles in the tabloids in recent years of parents who buy over 100 gifts but all from the pound shop

Ugh, my exmil does this. That and dirty, broken, age inappropriate, otherwise unsuitable stuff from the charity shop.

My exh and I have discussed it because I also feel that one or two good quality gifts would be better. He's tried to explain, but it makes no difference and she does the same for all of the family.

He said that rather than getting something he wants for Christmas, he gets a couple of bags of stuff other people didn't want.

Disclaimer: I have no issues with being bought 2nd hand if it's appropriate, clean and in tact.

Of course Low it's none of my business how other people spend their money but I'm allowed to have an opinion on the idea.

Each to their own I suppose!
Pre children we would spend Christmas Day with extended family. Now, Christmas Day is spent at home, me, OH and 2 DD's. We go to in laws and my families onboxing day/ between Christmas and new year.
We go out for a walk about lunchtime for a drink in local pub - usually my dad and brother are there too. Spend the rest of the day playing, watching tv and eating chocolate until dinner about 5pm.
We don't go mad on gifts. Ours get a main present (£50ish) then 4 or so smaller gifts, plus stockings. We buy for family- parents, siblings, nieces/nephews only. About £10 each. Me and OH buy each other a few small gifts.
We don't do elf on the shelf. Nor Christmas Eve boxes. I usually buy a few bits from poundland to keep the kids busy while I get on with things. Christmas craft stuff. And they always get new pjs to wear on Christmas Eve.
We don't go mad, but not totally frugal either.
Would never get into debt for Christmas.

Blah I agree about the 100 gifts from Poundland, most will end up in landfill by new year, total waste of money and not great for the environment. I would rather buy a couple more expensive items and know they are going to last all year or longer, also I try and buy things we can pass on to other children (Poundland toys can’t really be passed on as most with be broken). I have probably spent £300 on each of my teens but £150 is their main present (2ds and Pokemon game), the rest is mainly clothes which they need. I do like going overboard but I don’t like buying tat that won’t last more than a few days. Each to their own though.

Is that some sort of joke, Pengwynn? Lumping the middle classes together and stereotyping as one.

Agree, there is no norm on Mumsnet, there wouldn't be so many bun fights discussions about how to do Christmas otherwise.

Of course it's not up to me what people do with their money. I do think buying dozens of. Pound shop presents is awful. All that plastic, packaging, cheap tat broken by new year straight to landfill. Just appalling. Dreadful message to send your kids too - stuff stuff stuff, loads of STUFF and the planet can just drown in plastic so the kids can get a mountain of presents.

Totally depressing.

@lweji well you're the only one who has a problem with it, everyone else has taken it in the spirit it was intended.

Also not a fan of the huge pile of gifts thing. I’d prefer my kids to be happy with less ‘stuff’.

MY DC are still young so piles of expensive gifts are not an issue. But I made the mistake of reading what other people are getting their kids of the same age. Now I feel bad that mine are only getting a couple of things, mostly from poundland...but when you're skint, you're skint. I did try to choose things they'd actually enjoy.

Every year my DC would be encouraged by me to log on to the internet and send Father Christmas an email letter, which was a proforma with space for 3 requests.
If they were very lucky and had chosen wisely, I would get one, their father would get one and then Father Christmas would get one. These three with a stocking of bits and some small pressies from relatives/school chums was more than enough. One year Santa knew better than them and bought a dolls house instead of the TV advert expense they had asked for. There were genuine tears that 'he had brought the wrong thing' and 'how did the magic go wrong Mummy' but....history showed that the old chap was right: years later than dolls house was still being used every day. It was never about the money though: one year the eldest asked for a sledge (£7) and was thrilled with it (more so when it snowed on boxing day) the next year she asked for an electronic keyboard...much more than £7!
My youngest says they would rather have lots of presents than just one thing. My eldest is more pragmatic. So each now gets a main thing, a stocking and a few useful bits, and the youngest gets to component parts of the main gift wrapped separately! As a blended family we also have an experience gift: last year we had a weekend glamping and alpaca trekking. This year a day doing something else.

Norm for xmas is:

Xmas Eve - a show in the afternoon and usually some family visitors in the early evening, bath time, we do an xmas eve parcel of pjs, xmas film and a book. We watch the film then read the book before bed.

Xmas day we stay at home all day, most years will ahve some family for dinner, eg my sister in BIL or my mum etc, this year just us.

Boxing day is at in laws.

The next few days is a mix of visiting family or them visiting us.

We do quite a lot of presents, my children only receive toys at xmas or birthdays, I don't buy any toys throughout the year except the occasional book or sticker book, so go to town on what I know they have been hankering for.

dementedma
Bully for you lonicera. Not everyone has financial stability for that to be an option

Maybe instead of assuming Ionicera is rich, maybe consider that they only buy what they can afford?

No one I know does Elf on the Shelf. A few did but it was becoming a pita so it was stopped.

I don't know anyone who does Christmas Eve boxes either.

All have very happy Christmas without them.

I love reading about what people do on Christmas, everyone’s different because everyone leads a different life.

I’m a single mum so I have to share the kids over Christmas with my ex, this year he has them Christmas Eve so I can’t plan to go and see a show or go to the cinema, they will be home in the evening so we will do Xmas Eve boxes. Christmas Day it’s just me and the dd’s But we will pop to my mums in the evening for an hour or so. Boxing Day will be a mixture of relaxing and working as I am a care worker so I don’t get much time off (lucky to have Xmas day and Xmas eve off).

I love the idea of big family christmas’s With family staying, big Christmas dinners, trips out and activities but not everyone has the time to do that which is maybe why I spend more on Christmas Day itself, making it special for my dd’s. There’s no right or wrong way to do Christmas as long as you enjoy it.

I agree, OP. I have never met anyone who doesn't do Father Christmas.
That said, there are an awful lot of things I don't encounter regularly IRL that I encounter a high percentage of on MN: SEN in children, MH issues in adults, general defensiveness, eschewing Santa,/easter bunny/Vaccinations. Unmercilessly slagging off people with different views to ones own.
All of the above said, it's also one of the reasons I read AIBU (it's the only page pn MN I've ever read, as I recall). When you live in a London bubble, where everyone you know is a banker or a lawyer, it's interesting to get perspectives from the rest of the country and beyond. Keeps it real, innit.

We're a fail on almost every mumsnet approved Christmas tradition!

We do an elf though not creepy one shelf one.

We do Smiggle / Lego advent calendar.

Christmas Eve box of PJ , book and bell/key/santa plate etc

Do stockings

We do spend Xmas with my mum usually. Tbh I'd much rather stay at home but both my brother and sister 'refuse to leave their house' and so mum (who is housebound) would otherwise be alone. We live too far away to go just for the afternoon or whatever so my kids have never had Xmas at home. Tbh that pisses me off massively but I know the mumsnet consensus is probably that I shouldn't take offence at my siblings doing their own thing and it's my own choice to spend time with mum and she's not my responsibility. However, I think it's incredibly selfish of them and I will not leave my mum alone at Christmas but I do resent them for it.

Christmas Eve box? Isn't that a box that has Pj's, a Christmas film, a hot chocolate and some snacks? Then you snuggle up with your DC in front of the film? Why on earth would anybody have a problem with that? Because it's doesn't come out of a Sainsburys bag?

One of my most favourite uber-MN-moments:

Poster A pontificates scathingly about the disgusting materialism a Christmas Eve box represents, and sniffs that her children can jolly well wait and have their new pyjamas in their stockings.

Poster B raises a delicate online eyebrow, "Your children's stockings are large enough for pyjamas...?"

I'm doing a box this year, and I'm excited. I think it's a lovely new tradition - the same people whining would be exactly the same if they'd been around when this new-fangled tree nonsense was invented, too, and as for Father Christmas...

Sure, it can be a bit much, the new bedlinen etc for sale (I mean, who wants snowy reindeer scene duvets in July?). But a world that has brought us christmas tree shaped crumpets can't be all bad. And I think nice traditions for families to share is great. I love them. We don't do Elf on the Shelf for personal reasons but the families I know who do have so much fun with it. It looks fab.