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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give a gift-wrapped potato to DD on Christmas morning?

389 replies

Skittlesandbeer · 15/12/2017 21:47

Was chatting with school mums yesterday while we watched kids play sport. This idea was raised, and split opinion in the group.

Given that most of us have used Santa/Father Christmas coming as a carrot or a stick to encourage good behaviour in DC over November and December, doesn’t it follow that we should deal with the bad behaviour on the Christmas present pile as well?

Is it unreasonable to add a beautifully gift-wrapped potato with a label that says that this would have been a another proper present from Santa, had the behaviour been better?

This came out of a conversation about how our kids (aged 4-8) have cottoned on to the disconnect between their mums harping on about Santa’s ‘naughty or nice’ list, and in reality there’s actually a shed load of stuff to open (even though they know they’ve been naughty). One mum said her kids sneer that Santa doesn’t care, and they know they can get presents anyway so why bother being good?

I quite liked the idea, and of keeping the potato in the ‘loot pile’ for a while afterwards as a reminder (until I can’t be arsed going to the shops and cook it for their dinner!).

So AIBU to wrap one?

And perhaps give it to DD first, if she wakes me at 5.30am on the 25th after I’ve had to coordinate 40 pairs of coat hanger/tinsel angel wings for Christmas Eve mass? Xmas Grin

A valid parenting hack, or unreasonably mean (Christmas) spirited?

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 16/12/2017 01:01

frogsoup

I think if I turned up to visit one evening with a big gift and it was a box she would be dissapointed (I live a Little way away so stay for a few nights when I visit and always bring something) If it was her parent Who she lives with and Who sees her everyday gave her a big box after she had been going on about opening gifts and it was a box, I think she would find it very funny,

PumpkinSquash · 16/12/2017 01:05

I couldn't. I might have said in the past "if you don't behave, you'll find only a lump of coal in your stocking!" but could never actually go through with it.
They've both been utter nightmares this past couple of weeks, but still! Nope.

dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 16/12/2017 01:22

I love that posters are coming on with their own experiences of how awful it was to actually have it happen to them, and obviously are still saddened by the memory. But people are still 'pfft I'd do it! It's really funny and I KNOW they won't be hurt!'.

SkyIsTooHigh · 16/12/2017 01:29

Love love love the child who really likes potatoes.

It's not to my taste. My children would take it very hard and besides, a potato based discipline system only works for 1/12th of the year.

UnRavellingFast · 16/12/2017 02:04

We wind our kids up for months leading up to Christmas and then swat them down with glee because they've been "naughty" - aka children growing up normally by testing boundaries and making mistakes? Is this Victorian mumsnet?

NB Dan your tone is a little condescending. I have also lived all over the world and had a culturally diverse family and marriage. A jokey treat that is traditional and common to all, as in your example, is completely irrelevant to the discussion of making an example of a kid on the most anticipated day of their young year and making up a fantasy figure and then making him behave in a mean and punitive manner for one's own means.

MrsKoala · 16/12/2017 02:41

I'm surprised at how many people are saying it's lazy parenting to do threaten removal of gifts. It's the only why we can incentivise ds1 to do anything - once xmas/birthday etc is gone we just move on to the 'next' thing to threaten to remove. I can't think of any other thing that would make him behave.

BrizzleDrizzle · 16/12/2017 03:12

YABVVVVU.

Have a Biscuit and for heavens sake do not give your DD a potato or any other horrible gift designed make her feel bad and ruin her Xmas Day. Children remember these things well into adulthood.

Lindibop · 16/12/2017 03:22

I'm surprised at how many people are saying it's lazy parenting to do threaten removal of gifts. It's the only why we can incentivise ds1 to do anything - once xmas/birthday etc is gone we just move on to the 'next' thing to threaten to remove. I can't think of any other thing that would make him behave

I think your circumstances are different.

OuaisMaisBon · 16/12/2017 03:51

Does Mr Potatohead still exist?

MrsKoala · 16/12/2017 04:06

Lindi - are they? I have heard loads of other parents say it too. I can't even think of what else you would do to get kids to behave. Confused I would never give a potato tho. But i definitely don't see the problem with if you carry on doing x you wont get y.

Lindibop · 16/12/2017 04:21

Lindi - are they?

Yes, If you're threads are anything to go by.

MrsKoala · 16/12/2017 04:28

I don't think so. Compared to all the other people i know it's fairly standard parenting. I obviously live in a shit parenting hot spot.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/12/2017 05:08

Some parents are horrible. Punishing their children most inappropriately.

Dh and I instilled the “elves are watching you” and dd (9) still believes it. Sometimes one of us would tap on the window or we’d suddenly say, “look, I can se one”. And then it would be gone by the time dd looked. We didn’t use the elf thing often but it worked well when she was being particularly belligerent or to break a mood. It was exciting and was much better than the threat of no presents, which is frightening. And of course Prep and Landing taught her that coal was a possibility. I didn’t say this wasn’t true, but I did tell dd it was unlikely to happen to her because she behaves well most of the time. Wink

Some of the little kids at school are telling her that they have elves on shelves that you can talk to and she wants one. Because she’s 9 she won’t be getting one as it’s more likely to create more not less awkward questions.

OriginalFoo

I understand you were angry. But please apologise to your kid, back down, have a hug and say you were wrong to do this. And talk about working well together as a team. The horrible stories here should tell you pretending or even following through on throwing away presents isn’t going to have the desired result. You will be hated forever.

Lindibop · 16/12/2017 05:12

I don't think so. Compared to all the other people i know it's fairly standard parenting. I obviously live in a shit parenting hot spot.

I was actually saying I understood you using the threat of no gifts as an incentive based on all of the threads concerning your children. Threads Ive posted on in a supportive manner under a different name.

If you've taken my post here as being non-supportive there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

GinIsIn · 16/12/2017 05:24

To me, this would be the antithesis of everything Christmas is about.

Gift giving is a show of love. I would never want my DS to think that love is conditional.

sashh · 16/12/2017 05:34

Many years ago my aunt received a piece of coal and a mucky potato. After 5 minutes she was shown that Santa had hidden her presents behind the settee and the coal and potato were not her only gifts.

She refused to even open the other things. She spent the whole day playing with the coal and potato.

Her parents were practically begging her to look at her other gifts, but no she played them back at their own game.

KimmySchmidt1 · 16/12/2017 06:03

Cuntish amd game playing. Do you want to bring up a game playing, petty bitch? If so, crack on.

Christ you've got it wrong. If you've a problem with your DD's behaviour deal with it there and then, don't save up spiteful revenge for months down the line on what is meant to be a happy day.

FreshHorizons · 16/12/2017 06:17

I think it is a mean and horrible idea- quite against the spirit of Christmas - but then I wouldn't have used Santa as a carrot or stick in the first place.

lakeg · 16/12/2017 06:26

Sylvia, my heart breaks for you.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 16/12/2017 06:26

I think it's a fucking twisted thing to do (obviously excluding where it is part of an anticipated tradition or a joke with the child, which is totally not what OP said).

DS came home from nursery once full of nonsense about Father Christmas and conditional presents. I told him that in our family, FC comes no matter what your behaviour is like, but that I expect good behaviour because that's the right thing to do. I'm not training a dog ffs.

YABU.

ittakes2 · 16/12/2017 06:29

I think it would be a very mean thing to do. She would be excited about Christmas and then you think ruining this could be a good parenting opportunity? Go on a parenting course, read a parenting book, google parenting tips or whatever - and come up with some consistent parenting strategies to improve the behaviour she is doing which is bothering you. Probably one of the strongest parenting messages is be consistent in your approach so a child can be clear on the rules and boundaries. Christmas is just one day. I really hope you do not do this - she is so young and it is such a mean thing to do to her.

TheRottweiler · 16/12/2017 06:35

Oh this is absolutely hilarious!

Why is almost everyone on here hell bent on turning their little darlings into fragile snowflakes that melt at any sign of any humour/RL??

It's a bit of fun and, if done with humour, will be funny.

Not be long now before this country will be running out of cotton wool - because it is being used in shed loads to wrap cherubs/princes/princesses up in.

Oh dear oh dear.

EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck · 16/12/2017 06:40

I always stick a couple of potatoes in DS2's stocking. He should by rights have a 5lb bag and no presents if it was 1 for every misdemeanour, but I'm not that cruel! Xmas Grin

oblada · 16/12/2017 06:41

MsKoala - really? You cannot get good behaviour out of your kids without involving rewards and threats? That's a bit sad actually. Good behaviour should bring it's own internal rewards and it's generally recognised that using threats to get kids to behave is far from ideal. Not saying I never do that because sometimes I run out of options or I need a quick response because of a social element (ie we're at a social event and I need to stop the tantrum/misbehaviour straight away) but I do try to avoid promises/rewards/threats if I can...certainly try to avoid threats... Rewards I do use but I try to make them more spontaneous ie not promised, just a natural consequence to really good behaviour...

I don't use father xmas as a threat and I keep telling my younger one that she will get presents and not to worry as she comes home with the usual stuff from nursery about being good and not getting anything if she's not good etc.

speakout · 16/12/2017 06:45

I've never removed anything as punishment. But then I don't punish.

I want my kids to develop their own internal compass rather behave due to a possible punishment.