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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed I have to pay for this "Christmas meal"

193 replies

FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 05:53

The other week I was invited to join a departmental "Christmas lunch". I don't often get invited to group lunches so I was quite pleased with the invitation and said yes (I'm not in the same department but part of a much smaller team which sits next to theirs).

We had pizza and fried chicken and a cake, not loads of food.

I've now been told I need to pay £40 for my piece of chicken and half a pizza! It's so expensive because apparently half this team had their birthdays recently and this is their birthday treat so we must all pay for them!

It was my birthday recently too, not that any of them cared about that. I feel I was invited just to pay for their lunch. It was really awkward at the meal. I was one of the first to sit down and everyone else clustered themselves away from me leaving the seats next to me empty until the last person showed up and had no choice but to sit next to me.

OP posts:
SparklingSnowfall · 15/12/2017 20:59

Oh OP, I've just come across this thread, they've treated you awfully and I'm really sorry that this has happened to you.

I hope you sent the email and didn't pay the £40, CF's indeed!!

juneybean · 15/12/2017 21:07

Wtf I know you said you're not in the UK but I manage to order from Domino's for 24 members of staff for £150

C0untDucku1a · 15/12/2017 21:22

Id check that other people are paying first tbh.
Then send your email.

Angrybird345 · 16/12/2017 07:28

What happened OP?

BedtimeTea · 16/12/2017 07:40

I'd probably pay this time, but not accept any more invitations from them.

iMogster · 16/12/2017 17:33

They didn't mention the cost before the meal, so pay nothing. They are CFs and shouldn't get away with it. [Flowers]

KeepServingTheDrinks · 16/12/2017 18:27

Late to the thread, but this:
I was one of the first to sit down and everyone else clustered themselves away from me leaving the seats next to me empty until the last person showed up and had no choice but to sit next to me made me really sad for you FeatherFairy, and I wanted to say to you that I've been in that position more than once and it's horrible and gave me a massive anxiety about these things.
I used to "spontaneously" make last minute arrangements to walk in with other people to try and make sure this didn't happen to me again (sometimes this worked, sometimes not). I'm now in my mid 40s and I work with really nice people who value me, and finally I've stopped caring because I know it (the social event) and I will be fine.

But I feel for you, and think they were utterly nasty. So I hope you don't pay, and that you send one of the excellent emails suggested above (or a mash up of a few) and pay just what you're comfortable with.

free Flowers for you and a virtual hug ((( )))

QueenUnicorn · 16/12/2017 19:04

9 people subbing 6? Lol, no, I wouldn't.

SwimmingInLemonade · 16/12/2017 19:25

Bluebird's response is perfect: *

Hi, sorry I think there has been some confusion. I'm not normally included in your birthday rota and attended the meal thinking it was a Christmas meal, which are normally subsidised by the department. As I was mistaken I'm happy to pay for my meal so I've transferred you £21. Next time, if there is going to be additional costs then I'd appreciate if you let me know in advance. Merry Christmas, x.*

They need to be reminded that a) It's not cool to ask people to pay AFTER the (usually free) meal, and b) Everyone has birthdays, so why should you subsidise the others' when yours was not included?

If you don't feel liked there anyway you have very little to lose!

riceuten · 16/12/2017 20:04

Give them £20 and be done with it

CantGetDecentNickname · 16/12/2017 23:32

Like many on this thread we vote to decide restaurant, pay deposit upfront and settle rest on the day. They were dishonest in their dealings with OP to not mention payment prior to event. Think OP should send message like one suggested by Chrys and not use the word “sorry”. Could add that she was surprised to be asked for money after the event as since it wasn’t mentioned before the event and so had assumed it was being paid for by company. Definitely not to be included in paying for others birthdays as not normally involved, unaware of that department’s agreements and never likely to benefit from it. Sorry OP, they don’t sound very nice. Flowers

squeekums · 17/12/2017 02:22

Nope, i wouldnt pay. They asked after and made it seem like it was covered, so they cover it

Koala2018 · 17/12/2017 02:28

That's insane! Explain it was your birthday recently too and you only feel it's fair paying for yourself. But if you think it might disrupt the relationship between you and the others, you may have to bite the bullet and pay. If you think you can speak to the one collecting payment and discreetly explain without him making a big deal then try as it's insane that you should pay for that!

LolitaLempicka · 17/12/2017 03:20

I think the birthday people should cover the whole cost. That's how we tend to do it, that way if you want to celebrate with overpriced pizza and chicken for your birthday, no one else is negatively affected. It also means no one gets left out.

LolitaLempicka · 17/12/2017 03:22

Although in this instance as it was a 'Christmas lunch' the bill should be split equally. The birthday people can organise separate celebrations for their birthdays.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/12/2017 04:32

What happened. Did you send your email? They sound awful and bullies. Personally I would check with management that it actually wasn’t paid by the company.

ElizaDontlittle · 17/12/2017 04:55

@LinoVentura the reason your numbers don't add up is 9 + 5 + 1 = 15 not 16. And
9x35 = 15×21 = £315
Before criticising the OP's maths it's worth checking you own.

OP - I'd be furious - don't be subbing them. I think they'll talk about your gullibility soon. Worth job hunting?

Whinesalot · 17/12/2017 05:25

Oh poor you. What happened?

Ninabean17 · 17/12/2017 06:52

Hope you're ok op. Please don't pay the cf's

Labradoodliedoodoo · 17/12/2017 07:01

I think you should also tell him that you had assumed this was a company event and so his email afterwards asking for money has been a surprise.

BrawneLamia · 17/12/2017 08:18

Did you send the email?

Purplealienpuke · 17/12/2017 08:36

Lazy has the right reply, definitely use that!!
Cheeky fuckery at its finest!
The rules are you tell people BEFORE the dinner/lunch invitation you expect them to pay NOT after! Nobody in their right mind is going to pay £40 for crap food to cover others birthdays, especially when yours was overlooked! Id end that email with FUCK RIGHT OFF but that's just me 😁

Charley50 · 17/12/2017 08:40

He's absolutely trying to take the piss out of you. I hope you sent the email and copied in a line manager or someone else. Personally I wouldn't pay anything, unless I got an apology for his unreasonableness, as his request for £40 is so outrageous. They should have told you there was a cost involved before the event. Usually the dept pays so why would you think it's any different this year.

OnePotato2Potato · 17/12/2017 09:17

Agree with others. They were using you to make up numbers and treated you horribly. Flowers they're not worthy of your time or attention !

Just to keep the peace I'd offer to pay gor your meal only but sent one if the emails above stating thete was a misunderstanding and they should make it clearer in future. But in future don't bother with them!

LinoVentura · 17/12/2017 09:35

@LinoVentura the reason your numbers don't add up is 9 + 5 + 1 = 15 not 16. And 9x35 = 15×21 = £315
Before criticising the OP's maths it's worth checking you own.

Whoops. I'm the first to admit that maths is not my forte (which is exactly why I do it all manually). Thanks for the correction.

However to be fair I didn't criticise the OP's maths; I just asked for clarification.