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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed I have to pay for this "Christmas meal"

193 replies

FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 05:53

The other week I was invited to join a departmental "Christmas lunch". I don't often get invited to group lunches so I was quite pleased with the invitation and said yes (I'm not in the same department but part of a much smaller team which sits next to theirs).

We had pizza and fried chicken and a cake, not loads of food.

I've now been told I need to pay £40 for my piece of chicken and half a pizza! It's so expensive because apparently half this team had their birthdays recently and this is their birthday treat so we must all pay for them!

It was my birthday recently too, not that any of them cared about that. I feel I was invited just to pay for their lunch. It was really awkward at the meal. I was one of the first to sit down and everyone else clustered themselves away from me leaving the seats next to me empty until the last person showed up and had no choice but to sit next to me.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 15/12/2017 07:55

When was your birthday?

I did start typing an email but I can't bring myself to send it! I know they'll talk about me and laugh at me behind my back

They sound batshit. If you pay, they’ll talk about you behind your back saying that that can’t believe you paid!

It depends when your birthday is with what I’d reply saying.

WhyOhWine · 15/12/2017 07:58

I would say “it is probably fairest if I just pay my share of the total cost this time (£21) as I have not previously been involved in the birthday rota and think in the circs it is not fair for others to cover my share for my recent birthday’

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 08:06

To deliberately invite someone to a lunch, ignore them when they're there and then not tell them they have to pay until afterwards, is nasty and spiteful behaviour. But to insist that they not only pay for themselves but subsidise a load of other attendees - after it's become apparent that she was only invited to help cover the costs - is bullying. Plain and simple.

This. Furthermore, I think there is a strong chance that they are asking the OP to pay far more than the cost of the birthday people + someone's BF. Even if treating 6 people, the figures don't add up.

OP I suggest you take the whole thing to your line manager, with a written explanation, mentioning:

you were not told you would have to pay until after the event
you have been asked to treat other people when no one is ever going to treat you
you were blatantly asked for purely financial reasons and were ignored during the event
the figures, even when taking into account 6 people eating for free, are extremely suspect

The last point could have an innocent explanation i.e. they went to the world's most expensive take aways. The rest are inexcusable.

See what your line manager says. And if you have a union you could ask them too.

Mosaic123 · 15/12/2017 08:08

I'd pay and look forward to finding a job in the new year. Nasty lot at that company OP.

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 08:09

I would say “it is probably fairest if I just pay my share of the total cost this time (£21) as I have not previously been involved in the birthday rota and think in the circs it is not fair for others to cover my share for my recent birthday’

That would be a compromise, however I am still dubious about £21. For 16 people that is a hell of an expensive takeaway.

Roussette · 15/12/2017 08:11

Dear CFers

I have paid my share of this Christmas meal (£21) that was sprung on me without any explanation in advance that I would be subsidising half the group for birthdays. As it is my birthday too, I can either pay nothing (and everyone without a birthday pay for my meal) or I can be fair and pay for what I ate.

P.S. What a coincidence that 10 people out of 20 all have their birthdays in the same week!

Original poster
FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 08:14

Ok I'm almost ready to send the email. They don't even work in my team and don't like me anyway so whatever. I could afford to pay but it's the principle of it. I hate feeling like I'm being taken advantage of.

"I'm not normally part of your birthday rota. I won't ask you guys to cover the cost of my meal but also not sure it's fair I should cover your teams birthday meal costs. I think my share comes to £x. You'll then find the others owe £y. I don't think the calculation per your original email is correct as you've missed a and b off"

OP posts:
greendale17 · 15/12/2017 08:15

He is ripping you off and pocketing some money for himself.

Tugtupite · 15/12/2017 08:17

Go for it OP, you can do this!

LaurieFairyCake · 15/12/2017 08:18

I would pay the £2x into the blokes account and not mention it again

IF he had the cheeky fuckery (unlikely) to mention it I'd look surprised and say "I'm not part of the birthday rota so I assumed it didn't apply to me".

Roussette · 15/12/2017 08:23

That is perfect OP. Do send it. The trouble with people like this is ... if you roll over and accept, they actually get worse. You've got nothing to lose as you say so yourself.

Gincision · 15/12/2017 08:23

Great email. I'd make it clearer is been your birthday too though with the change I've added in bold:

"I'm not normally part of your birthday rota. I won't ask you guys to cover the cost of my meal for my birthday (xx.xx.2017) but also not sure it's fair I should cover your teams birthday meal costs. I think my share comes to £x. You'll then find the others owe £y. I don't think the calculation per your original email is correct as you've missed a and b off"

Gincision · 15/12/2017 08:23

Bold fail on the date

CiderwithBuda · 15/12/2017 08:29

Perfect reply. Interested to see what response is.

You've nothing to lose as you say they don't like you anyway.

It sounds incredibly expensive for what it was.

BarbaraofSevillle · 15/12/2017 08:30

I'm willing to bet that there are others also unhappy that they've been asked to stump up £40 because you work with the only person in the known universe stupid enough to pay full price at Domino's, so you'll probably find allies if you say something now.

Let the person who decided to spend other people's money without agreement take the hit and maybe they'll learn a lesson for the future and stop the situation happening again.

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 08:31

"I'm not normally part of your birthday rota. I won't ask you guys to cover the cost of my meal but also not sure it's fair I should cover your teams birthday meal costs. I think my share comes to £x. You'll then find the others owe £y. I don't think the calculation per your original email is correct as you've missed a and b off"

Out of interest, how much does £x referred to above come to, and how have you calculated it?

PositivelyPERF · 15/12/2017 08:34

I'm not sure that you're subbing the meal, OP. I have a sneaky suspicion, you're subbing this CF's Christmas. I think he's chancing his arm that you will say nothing to the others as you don't normally mix with them.

Original poster
FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 08:37

I'm quite sure he's got the total figures correct although missed a few people off in his calculation. I'm not in the UK and food like that is more expensive here (plus yeah he didn't use any of the myriad of coupons/discounts available). It's still a lot though. I'll normally pay £5-10 for lunch. £20 for a nice lunch in a restaurant.

OP posts:
LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 08:50

OP your proposed email is reasonable however I suggest you save that for later, and start with the following:

Dear -,

When I was invited to the lunch there was no mention whatsoever of the cost and it was referred to as a departmental lunch, so I therefore assumed that, as usual, it would be paid for by the entertainment budget. I think it is very unreasonable to reveal afterwards that I am expected to pay.

Also I am very confused as to how a small lunch has come to £40 per person. Please explain.

Butterymuffin · 15/12/2017 08:53

Send it OP and start job hunting in the new year. These aren't nice people to work with.

AdalindSchade · 15/12/2017 08:54

Don't send any of what Lino has suggested. Firstly it's your mistake for assuming lunch was paid for (easy mistake to male but you should have checked) and you've said that the type of takeaway food is expensive there so the figures could be right. Considering a dominos pizza comes in at £10+ I can see how it would add up.

Just send your email but delete the bit where you have worked out what everyone else owes him - not your problem.

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 08:59

Don't send any of what Lino has suggested. Firstly it's your mistake for assuming lunch was paid for (easy mistake to male but you should have checked) True but they were still unreasonable. My suggested email does not suggest the OP isn't willing to pay her share - in fact asking for a breakdown suggests the opposite.

and you've said that the type of takeaway food is expensive there so the figures could be right. Considering a dominos pizza comes in at £10+ I can see how it would add up. I can't. £40 for a small lunch? There's no way someone can ask for that without giving a full explanation.

RB68 · 15/12/2017 09:00

Pay for yours say a round £25 and just say birthdays are a departmental responsibility rather than yours, thanks for the invite. End of

NeegansWife · 15/12/2017 09:01

You email hits the perfect note OP. Please send it.

Dadstheworld · 15/12/2017 09:05

I think Fairies email nailed it. Very interested in how they respond.