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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed I have to pay for this "Christmas meal"

193 replies

FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 05:53

The other week I was invited to join a departmental "Christmas lunch". I don't often get invited to group lunches so I was quite pleased with the invitation and said yes (I'm not in the same department but part of a much smaller team which sits next to theirs).

We had pizza and fried chicken and a cake, not loads of food.

I've now been told I need to pay £40 for my piece of chicken and half a pizza! It's so expensive because apparently half this team had their birthdays recently and this is their birthday treat so we must all pay for them!

It was my birthday recently too, not that any of them cared about that. I feel I was invited just to pay for their lunch. It was really awkward at the meal. I was one of the first to sit down and everyone else clustered themselves away from me leaving the seats next to me empty until the last person showed up and had no choice but to sit next to me.

OP posts:
dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 15/12/2017 10:10

I wouldn't ask if it was ok to cover my share and I wouldn't say sorry anywhere in the email. 'My share is xx, that's what I will pay.'

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 11:07

Unless you think it's actually a deliberate attempt to swindle you, I'd be prepared to chalk it up to experience and pay.

It's obviously a deliberate attempt to swindle her.

user7680 · 15/12/2017 12:01

Don’t pay

IrkThePurist · 15/12/2017 12:12

Forward his email to HR and complain about extortion.

Trinity66 · 15/12/2017 12:14

I'd be saying no thanks :/ Bit cheeky to only tell you it would cost £40 after the fact

Jaxhog · 15/12/2017 12:17

Point out it was your birthday as well so you owe nothing.
This!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 15/12/2017 12:20

I'd definitely copy your line manager in - if they were involved in this then I'd copy HR in, too.

They are trying to extort money out of you. It's bullying.

AddictedtoAIBU · 15/12/2017 12:23

Agree with posters saying don't pay.
You are either 'in' enough to be included in the free birthday meal due to your recent birthday or 'out' enough to not be part of birthday discounts. I'd ask them which one it is and pay or not pay from there.

Chrys2017 · 15/12/2017 12:35

Hi, sorry I think there has been some confusion. I'm not normally included in your birthday rota and attended the meal thinking it was a Christmas meal, which are normally subsidised by the department. As I was mistaken I'm happy to pay for my meal so I've transferred you £21. Next time, if there is going to be additional costs then I'd appreciate if you let me know in advance. Merry Christmas, x.

I think this one is spot on.
They sound like a bunch of tossers.

MyBrilliantDisguise · 15/12/2017 12:45

Just thinking... I wonder whether the company did pay for this. Wouldn't anyone ordering in pizza etc ask for the money in advance? There's always a problem with getting people to pay afterwards.

What happened last year? Did the company pay?

Bubbinsmakesthree · 15/12/2017 12:56

I think "cock-up before conspiracy" probably applies here. Team with tradition of paying for birthday lunches extends a lunch invite to another team as it's Christmas but forgets to explain the protocol for payment. In all likelihood thoughtlessness, not malice.

I mean, they couldn't even organise discount vouchers for the pizza, I doubt they've masterminded a plot To get at the OP

SilverDoe · 15/12/2017 12:59

No it's not cringe and OP doesn't have to bow down to their spiteful behaviour in the name of social conformity.

If taken in isolation I would agree, but the fact that Christmas meals are usually subsidised, the fact that no cost was mentioned at all before the lunch, and the fact that they acted like mean spiteful high school children when OP attended means that no, it's not bloody cringe or out of order to tell them she won't be paying.

I work in a large office and all meal invites for organised events follow the same process. We vote on what we want with the prices detailed beforehand, then we pay a deposit, then we pay the remainder of what we owe at the table. When I organised meals for the place I previously worked at I would pay a large deposit myself and collect at the table. No way would I ever let anyone misunderstand that they needed to pay if I was bothered about being out of pocket.

It's deceitful as fuck to not mention the cost of a "Christmas meal" in advance and then expect people to pay an unknown and unexpected amount after the fact. It's mean as hell to make it pretty obvious you are only inviting someone to cover the cost of your crappy food. Rather than the OP making things socially awkward, if I had made the huge faux pas of not telling people they would have to pay for some crappy food, I would be absorbing those costs myself, not badgering after others for their share.

haveacupoftea · 15/12/2017 13:06

There's no way on earth the takeaway cost that much. They're trying to make money out of you.

ptumbi · 15/12/2017 13:27

I'm certain they are trying to make money out of youOP.

How do you know that they didn't use vouchers?
How do you know that it wasn't funded by the department?
How do you know that others are being asked for that amount? (and after the event? Not only dodgy AF but stupid too - you never get money out of people, after!)

I wouldn't pay a penny until I knew what I was paying for. And why.

ohtheholidays · 15/12/2017 14:02

OP if you know where they got the food from have you looked the cost up?If not I would!

For all anyone knows he could be charging everyone that amount and pocketing all the extra(there's no way I would believe it cost that much)money.

sweetsomethings · 15/12/2017 15:00

Hope to see an update from the OP soon

InfiniteSheldon · 15/12/2017 16:08

Honestly I wouldn't ignore it or debate Ii I would just say thank you so much for treating me for my birthday I really appreciate it. They have no possible comeback you cannot be expected to contribute to others birthdays and have your own ignored.

bunbunny · 15/12/2017 17:34

Do you reckon they got much more than was actually needed accidentally on purpose so they had extras to take home for supper and are expecting you everybody to cover it?

If you want a no fault opener, I've often found that tweaking 'We must have been talking at cross purposes because xxxx is not what I understood by our conversation - I was under the impression that yyyyy...' is a good way to lay out the problem (when really what you want to say is 'you scheming cheating thieving bastards have ripped me off...'). But when you need to remain polite and non-accusatory, as you do here, it's a great way to have the discussion without being feeling too awkward as it's making both parties responsible for the issue, rather than just one or the other...

choccyp1g · 15/12/2017 17:47

There is something about this scenario that has been worrying me all day.

Even if OP and everyone else were all in the birthday rota it still isn't fair .

Because when you bunch the birthdays together, the birthday folk are not contributing to the others birthdays that are celebrated at the same time.

You could take it to extremes, and celebrate 9 birthdays, invite one non-birthday person and expect that one person to foot the whole bill.

Chrys2017 · 15/12/2017 17:49

*Even if OP and everyone else were all in the birthday rota it still isn't fair. Because when you bunch the birthdays together, the birthday folk are not contributing to the others birthdays that are celebrated at the same time."

choccyp1g wins the thread! Can't believe I didn't spot this myself.

Roussette · 15/12/2017 18:02

You could take it to extremes, and celebrate 9 birthdays, invite one non-birthday person and expect that one person to foot the whole bill

Yes

Bad enough in this instance where half the people are paying for the other half

Jaxhog · 15/12/2017 18:05

You could take it to extremes, and celebrate 9 birthdays, invite one non-birthday person and expect that one person to foot the whole bill. Quite.

Thanks choccyp1g for pointing this one out. OP, this wasn't mentioned at the time you were invited so it seems wholly unreasonable to ask you to do this now. You were invited to a Christmas lunch, not a Chrismas and Birthday lunch.

Chrys2017 · 15/12/2017 18:20

… Having said that, it looks like the figure of £40 is actually correct,
assuming as per PP that there were 13 people, 5 of whom were celebrating birthdays, and the total cost of the lunch was £360.

So each lunch cost £27.69

Non birthday people owe:
1 lunch + (1/12 x 5 birthday lunches)
= 27.69 + 11.54
= £39.23

Birthday people owe 1/12 x 4 birthday lunches
=9.23

Of course OP still is within her rights to opt out of contributing to the birthday lunches as she wasn't informed in advance, but perhaps the person who paid the bill/sent the email round wasn't aware of that.

BoneyBackJefferson · 15/12/2017 20:49

My problem with this is how much cake, chicken and pizza did they buy for it to cost £20 + per person?

Sweetpea55 · 15/12/2017 20:58

A piece of fried chicken, half a pizza and a slice of cake costs £40???
Was it drizzled with truffle oil or something.