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Original poster

To be annoyed I have to pay for this "Christmas meal"

193 replies

FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 05:53

The other week I was invited to join a departmental "Christmas lunch". I don't often get invited to group lunches so I was quite pleased with the invitation and said yes (I'm not in the same department but part of a much smaller team which sits next to theirs).

We had pizza and fried chicken and a cake, not loads of food.

I've now been told I need to pay £40 for my piece of chicken and half a pizza! It's so expensive because apparently half this team had their birthdays recently and this is their birthday treat so we must all pay for them!

It was my birthday recently too, not that any of them cared about that. I feel I was invited just to pay for their lunch. It was really awkward at the meal. I was one of the first to sit down and everyone else clustered themselves away from me leaving the seats next to me empty until the last person showed up and had no choice but to sit next to me.

OP posts:
rollingonariver · 15/12/2017 07:24

Honestly this isn't just CF-ery, it's just plain nasty. They made you feel welcome and you were excited and then they sat away from you. It's really horrible for you that you only feel invited to pay for the meal, I'd definitely just be saying no. You don't need to give an explanation, they sound so nasty, I feel for you op.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/12/2017 07:25

Just respond with “oh I didn’t realise it was going to be a birthday treat too! I thought the entertainment budget was covering it and that you’d all forgotten my birthday on the 15th. How lovely of you. I’m touched.”

Doesn’t matter if he has clearly stated that you should pay. Put him in the position of having to say “oh no, we are not including your birthday, you have to pay for others people’s birthdays”.

Or just leave it and hope they forget about it.

Collaborate · 15/12/2017 07:25

Tell them you're happy to pay your one-fifteenth, but if those who have had recent birthdays are exempt as some kind of long standing arrangement you should also be part of that if asked to contribute, and tell him when your birthday was and thanks for the present. If they say no, tell him to fuck right off.

BalloonSlayer · 15/12/2017 07:26

Oh I would suggest playing it disingenuous.

How about:

Sorry, CF, I cannot understand how the bill for this meal, given that it was provided by the staff canteen, was possibly £40 per head. No one would pay that sort of money for that kind of fare. I am concerned someone somewhere is pulling a fast one on you, thinking you are too nice to argue! If you give me a detailed breakdown of the costs, I will have a look at them for you, to save you any embarrassment. Let me have the details when you've got a moment and I'll get back to you asap.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 15/12/2017 07:27

Also it's not acceptable to invite someone and not tell them that they owe any money. They can't present you with a blind bill afterwards and expect you to pay it. If there were costs they should have made you aware of them beforehand then you had a choice. Anything else is completely unfair and ridiculous.

Roussette · 15/12/2017 07:30

How many people were there and how many birthdays? Is it honestly 20 people of which 5 had birthdays because that sounds ridiculous.

No, you don't have to pay for them because you weren't told you would be paying huge amounts for a canteen meal. It's like being given a menu at the local greasy spoon and when the bill comes, it's three times as much!

How in the name of all that is holy does a canteen cost so much? I thought a works canteen was subsidised?!

Roussette · 15/12/2017 07:32

So half the team had birthdays that week????!

or were some of them in August, September, October and November?

bluebird3 · 15/12/2017 07:33

I would send the following message...

Hi, sorry I think there has been some confusion. I'm not normally included in your birthday rota and attended the meal thinking it was a Christmas meal, which are normally subsidised by the department. As I was mistaken I'm happy to pay for my meal so I've transferred you £21. Next time, if there is going to be additional costs then I'd appreciate if you let me know in advance. Merry Christmas, x.

WhiskyChick · 15/12/2017 07:38

They invited you without mentioning cost. If they knew they were sharing the cost they should have said so. I don't know how expensive pizza, chicken and cake is where you are but even if they'd mentioned cost I would have expected to bung in about a £10

Was there a mountain of leftovers for that?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 15/12/2017 07:39

It was food brought in and they had it in the canteen - the food didn't come from the canteen IYSWIM?

Even so, £40 per head is rather steep for pizza, fried chicken and cake. Where the fuck did it come from? Harrods?

Original poster
FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 07:40

I did start typing an email but I can't bring myself to send it! I know they'll talk about me and laugh at me behind my back and it really bothers me even though it shouldn't. I used to have really good friends at my old job and now in this new one (not that new - I've been here almost two years) nobody likes me. It makes me quite upset and I'm very lonely.

I'm just going to ignore it but if he asks I'll probably end up paying the £40 Sad

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 15/12/2017 07:41

'i'm afraid you should have made the cost clear when you invited me. oh, and it was my birthday recently too.'

i'd pay for my meal of £21 but it's a fucking cheek trying to get you to foot so much of the bill.

Original poster
FeatherFairy · 15/12/2017 07:43

I don't know how it came to be so much. It wasn't very fancy - just normal chicken and pizza. I guess it just adds up. Especially if you don't bother getting any deals or offers like bogof pizza on a Tuesday.

OP posts:
LazyDailyMailJournos · 15/12/2017 07:45

Feather please don't. If they aren't friends anyway then you have nothing to lose by not sending the money. Or if you feel you must give something then send Bluebird's email which I think hits the right note.

Is it time to have a look round for a new job? 2 years is a fair crack of time and if you aren't happy then maybe it's time to dust off the CV and find something new. Life is too short to spend it somewhere that's making you miserable.

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 07:45

I checked again and he did make a mistake on the maths! Doesn't reduce the bill by much but a little bit. So 9 of us are paying £35 each, 5 birthdays and one free-loading boyfriend. Should be £21 each.

9 X 35 = 315
16 X 21= 336

Which of the above is the correct amount for the take away? And how the hell did a poor quality, small take away, admittedly for 16 people, come to over £300? A tenner each would have been expensive considering what you received.

And whatever the true cost may be, the fact that they 'forgot' to tell you in advance that you would be paying is extremely disingenuous/deceitful. Likewise the fact that they ignored you during the meal, and they expect you to pay for others' birthdays although they have no interest in yours - the whole thing stinks. Your response needs to reflect that.

Personally I wouldn't pay them a penny. Take it to management if necessary - their behaviour is horrible. Bullying in fact (and I don't use the term lightly).

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2017 07:45

I agree, folks are urging you to be Ross from friends here. And we all know how that went,,,

Yes it’s a shit way to handle it, but refusing to pay is going to simoly piss a lot of folks off, I’d pay, it’s an extra 14 quid and not go again. I suspect they spent a lot more than they intended, said they’d pay for the birthday folks then realised they couldn’t afford it. Idiots, but you’ve got to keep working there.

Chchchchangeabout · 15/12/2017 07:46

Don't pay £40! Send an email thanking them for covering your meal due to your recent birthday and also mentioning that you had thought it was subsidised or wouldn't have come as you are on a bit of a budget at the moment.

LinoVentura · 15/12/2017 07:48

I'm just going to ignore it but if he asks I'll probably end up paying the £40 sad

They're trying it on - please don't let them take advantage of you. They're already treating you like shit so you have nothing to lose, and maybe if you stand up to them they might have a bit of respect for you.

Zoesweet · 15/12/2017 07:49

I feel sorry for that unfortunate experience. But It's the time of the year when you would rather count the blessings than dwell on stuff like this. Let them be as I'm sure they have bigger problems than you are. Just be thankful that you are able to at least pay for it.

Chchchchangeabout · 15/12/2017 07:49

It's nearly double Bluntness, £19 more than the actual cost of the meal. It's also £40 more than the other people with recent birthdays are paying. Why should OP have to fall in line with that just because she works there?

LazyDailyMailJournos · 15/12/2017 07:50

Bluntness I know that she's got to keep working there (at least until she hopefully finds something else), but the way these people are treating her is bullying.

To deliberately invite someone to a lunch, ignore them when they're there and then not tell them they have to pay until afterwards, is nasty and spiteful behaviour. But to insist that they not only pay for themselves but subsidise a load of other attendees - after it's become apparent that she was only invited to help cover the costs - is bullying. Plain and simple.

It's not about sending steaming emails and encouraging a workplace fallout - but it is about encouraging the OP to stand up for herself and not allow someone to take the piss out of her, simply because they see her as an easy target.

Flappyears · 15/12/2017 07:50

OP definitely don’t pay £40. It is really, really taking the piss. They sound horrible and they won’t like or respect you any more for doing this.

I would absolutely not subsidise cf boyfriend for a start. I’d rework the cost, taking him off, which should reduce it to under £20.

Then I’d start looking for another job. This one seems to make you miserable and bitchy, excluding fuckers aren’t going to change. And it’s not you because you got on fine with peopl at your last job.

Cagliostro · 15/12/2017 07:51

Total CFery 😡

Tugtupite · 15/12/2017 07:51

Please don't pay OP they are cheating and using you Sad.

I would just send a not saying you are not part of their birthday rota so as you weren't informed in advance you won't be participating in that aspect of the bill. Sideline joke saying that if rotas are now combined to let you know since your bday was recent and you fancy being treated to a free meal yourself hahaha.

This will do the job and puts onus of "fairness"on them if they have any objections.

Cake (

LazyDailyMailJournos · 15/12/2017 07:52

Just be thankful that you are able to at least pay for it.

What, be thankful she can pay for something she didn't ask for, didn't know the costs of and for the 'pleasure' of subbing a load of people who were rude to her? Riiiiight.