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Original poster

To be angry at photos at Nativity?

758 replies

MrsAnamCara · 14/12/2017 15:45

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

OP posts:
welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 20:05

And why the fuck should other people get to vote on my kids safety and security.

That's a bit like asking parents of preschoolers to vote on whether they should be allowed to play with kitchen knives.

Soubriquet · 14/12/2017 20:06

Easy situation Blackberry

A child has been removed from their abusive parents home and placed up for adoption.

Child gets adopted and has a happy life. Someone takes a photo of said child, and posts it on their social media where it gets liked by various friends.

Picture eventually finds its way to the birth family which could create a massive hassle

fatberg · 14/12/2017 20:06

BlackBerry
I can’t speak for Olenna but I don’t want my kids birth family turning up at the school gates. And every time someone puts my kids photo on fb it increases the risk of exactly that happening.

Ketzele · 14/12/2017 20:10

Nice of you to ask, Blackberry. Concern about our children's security is not far-fetched. My dd's birth father is an off-the-scale violent man. He is furious about his child being 'stolen'. He is looking for her. She looks just like him. She still has her birth name, thanks to insistence of social workers. Luckily, she was placed out of area - not all adopted children live far from their birth families, by any means. But I still have to be reasonably careful about how her image and her (highly unusual) name get out there.

Imagine if she had been placed with a family member, or if her father had a vague idea of what part of the country she was in (this is not at all far-fetched, we've had plenty of threads on the adoption board from adopters who have seen the birth family around town). he could easily follow up this bit of knowledge online, trawling through schools or through other family members/friends till he comes across one just careless enough to post on social media, and not to have privacy settings in place. IT HAPPENS. Social media is one of the major threats to the security of adopted children.

please don't dismiss it as far-fetched: this is our lived reality.

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 20:10

Or another one- my husband isn't a copper by the way

Inspector Plod puts away a local scumbag

Scumbags family don't agree with this and start a vendetta against Inspector Plod. SB family then find out Plod has young children and threaten to find them and do all sorts of horrible things because Plod is 'owed' for what he did to Scumbag.

perfectstorm · 14/12/2017 20:10

I massively object to photos being banned. Form should include a vote - why should one or two parents with issues ruin things for the majority?

Read the thread.

Read the thread.

Read the thread.

Read the thread.

Ketzele · 14/12/2017 20:14

There are parents at my dd's school who think adopted kids shouldn't even be there. I'm not surprised by this level of spoilt selfishness. But I am wearied by it.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 20:15

Exactly what fatberg and Soubriquet say.

It's not that adoptive parents (or families who have a member who works in a sensitive role, or who are fleeing domestic abuse, or who are in a form of protection programme) are miserable grinches. Most of us would love for our children to have a "normal" childhood, where we can post first day of school photos on Facebook and Instagram their birthday parties (as this seems to be the new normal!). But we can't. We have balanced the risk to our children against the downsides, and concluded that their safety - unsurprisingly - is more important.

Where parents behave responsibly, I have no problem with my DD being in the group photo, or the ensemble shot or the background of a picture of the soloist. The problem comes when that parent behaves like a twat and decides to ignore the school's social media policy and put it up on Facebook.

Ketzele · 14/12/2017 20:17

And let's face it, Oleanna, what are the odds that there ISN'T a twat in the audience?

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 20:18

Rare I would say from my experience.

fatberg · 14/12/2017 20:19

There’s always a twat. This thread’s littered with them.

OlennasWimple · 14/12/2017 20:20

And I reckon in a Venn diagram of "twat" and "has got lax Facebook security settings", the overlap would be almost 100%

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 20:20

Kids drawer/peg labels with their full names/photos on them can also be a problem. Puts a name to a face

Like I've said before Blackberry, if you get it you get it

myrtleWilson · 14/12/2017 20:21

I'm astonished at some of the responses on here - I completely get why people want to take photos of their child and that most people will be sensible and sensitive about ensuring not shared on social media. But from a school's point of view I imagine they are in a position that they can't "police" that and so from a safeguarding point of view the no photos/or photos at the end is belt and braces.

But some posts appear to show no insight into why photos are an issue ("steal your soul") or any sensitivity about the needs of vulnerable children ("just miss out on the performance"). Just unbelievable

I am extraordinarily fortunate that I've never had to be in this position, that I've not had to worry about my child being identified or the risk that may place them in, that I've never had to constantly look over my shoulder, to have a sense of unsettlement and of concern descend on me at any point. My fortune must be unbelievably carefree to some with vulnerable children. And if the cost for my fortune is only that I am sensitive and sensible to the curtailing of photography (rather than further dislocating and unsettling children by not allowing them to participate) then in the grand scheme of things that cost is absolutely miniscule.

cantkeepaway I think I would have burst into applause when that person stood up to challenge that approach to objections.

BlackberryandNettle · 14/12/2017 20:21

Ok I am beginning to see the issue. Although for the record I don't know anyone who would post pics of other peoples'kids on fb without permission, or without security settings. I guess some out there do though.

user1482573375 · 14/12/2017 20:21

You are being ridiculous, it's your attitude that is the cause of a lot of the over offended nonsense you see now. What do you think these people will do with these photos. I assume the school doesn't just allow anyone to walk in off the street and attend the plays. Your child is exposed to the general public everyday, are you going to police every second of their life? Why shouldn't parents have the right to photograph or film important moments in their child's life at school.

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 20:21

Olenna I would go as far as saying they coexist.

myrtleWilson · 14/12/2017 20:23

and I posted before Blackberry's helpful contribution...

welliesontheschoolrun · 14/12/2017 20:23

User, you might want to read my original post and Ketzeles.

Give you a bit of a clue

fatberg · 14/12/2017 20:23

First year my LO was in a nativity, parents were asked not to film. Lots did anyway, and one even posted it to the class parents FB page. Nice.

Thing is, I didn’t even know, because I couldn’t join that fb group, because me being in that fb group was a security risk to my children.

I found out the following year when some other mums were having a friendly giggle over the time when thingie had posted the illegal video.

MsWanaBanana · 14/12/2017 20:23

Dds school said at the beginning of the performance that parents are allowed to film and take pictures, but no one is to put anything up on social media. Obviously they can't monitor every parent in the class and I'm sure some of them may well put pics up on the their Facebook page. I think they're just covering themselves by saying that st the beginning.

Ketzele · 14/12/2017 20:24

RTFT userxxx

myrtleWilson · 14/12/2017 20:24

x post with Blackberry (apologies) but it seems like a new "furious from Tunbridge Wells" is along to post at every minute

ilovesooty · 14/12/2017 20:24

over offended nonsense

Jesus fucking wept.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 14/12/2017 20:26

I went to DS' nativity a couple of days ago and one lady crawled to the front and then sat on the floor, about a foot away from the performance, snapping pictures. It was so distracting and she was trying to get her DC's attention as they were singing. People were getting in other people's way to see and/or get photos. Most parents were on their phones the entire time.

This is my first experience of an event like this and those elements of it were really not nice. I think it would be better if nursery/schools had one person record it, and then put a ban on mobile phones and cameras.