To be angry at photos at Nativity?

[MrsAnamCara]

Just seen DC infant nativity. We were sent out letters, went to the office yo get tickets, had texts to remind people-all fine and well. No mention of needing permission to take photos/videos. Nothing mentioned before the start of the actual nativity performance either. The performance starts and several people whip their phones out and begin taking photos and videos but not of individual children, of all of the children on stage. It goes on throughout the performance and I can see in their view finder they are filming/recording video of 5+ children... A parent the right if the school Hall is stood filming the entire performance.

No one said they weren't allowed to but...neither was the guardian or parent of every single child asked either.

In my D's nursery, they asked for written permission, and if only one parent didn't give permission then no one was allowed to take photos or videos. Even if we were allowed, then it was photos and videos of your child only (zoom in) and if there were other children then you couldn't post it on social media and send to anyone else.

It really ruined the performance for me, as I don't know these people who are taking videos/photos of my child, I don't know where they will post them or send them to, I don't know who will see that photo or video. I did not give anyone permission to take his photo or record him?

I'm I being unreasonable to think the school should have asked for legal written permission for all children's parents or guardian's? And if some parents don't agree or give permission then that's too bad.

Ivorbiggun how would I put a child in danger taking a picture of my OWN child zooming in on their performance? Slightly dramatic

Yanbu I wouldn't be happy with this either I think it should be something agreed to by all the parents and also mentioned that it is not to be shared on social media

People are so public with their children and post pictures daily on their public social accounts, each to their own but I don't get it

Every year I usually post something like this.

But pictures of other people's kids on social media. My kids in particular.

If you've one of those people who post relentless photos of your kids on Facebook including photos of your kids in school uniform so Great Auntie Doris can see that's great.

However if you've just posted a photo/video of the nativity for all to see that's not so great.

Because you've just indirectly told the world
A) what school my kids go to
B) what time they will be there
C) how old my kids are roughly to within a year. Your picture of little Johnnie in reception stood next to my boy gives my boy a rough age.
D) rough area in which we live- because of where the school is
E) If you're stupid enough to post about when Reception are going on a school trip you've also got the scenario of where my kids are off site. Some school trip places are also open to the public at the same time.....

Just in case you are wondering my husband has the kind of job where people would love to find out more about him. And his family. And yeah, it could be potentially dangerous.

So no, it's not about a paedo on every corner getting their rocks off about kids in tea towels it's more to do with protecting some very vulnerable children

If you get it you get it.

This thread has made me think of all the other school photos which are taken. Nativity plays are the ones which you are (usually) asked not to put photos on social media, but there are many other events photographed now smart phones are around. Children must regularly be in danger from these photos. Sports days, first day of school photos, playground photos of dress up days for this that and the other, birthday parties attended...

I do find it tiresome that everyone seems to feel the need to give permission before their dc is photographed.
Cameras really won’t steal your child’s soul away.
As for the argument that any weirdo could access the photos, weirdos can take photos of children anywhere in between school and home, at the park etc.

To be honest I didnt think kids that had been removed after being in danger were adopted in the same community/county I thought they were usually sent to famillies in a different part of the country so they couldnt be easily located. Someone I know had their children taken off of them as they were in danger and hers were relocated to another part of the country and I also remember a parent at my childrens old school had her kid taken off of her and he was relocated away.

It is sad, its lovely to have photos to look back on, its nobodies business to tell you not to take photos, at a nativity, party, park whatever. This never was a problem before social media, I guess now it is as the photos are available for many people to access. I have shared ds and dd photos on social media of their play, but put stickers on the other kids faces so nobody could see, the only one you can see is my child.

If there's a safeguarding issue the school will know about it and will enforce no photos etc. Personally I was thrilled that we were ok to take video of my son singing in his naivety. i absolutely love watching videos of me in school plays when I was his age. It's wonderful to have photos /videos to show him and extended family who couldn't come. Our school states that all photos etc should be for personal use but honestly if his little face crops up in the background of someone video /photo on fb I honest don't care. As others have said people only look at the child they know. I couldn't care less about kids in background.

Burn
School:
Sports days - we are asked to follow same rules as shows, only your own child
first day of school photos - for the papers, the children with no permission are omitted

Outside school:
playground photos of dress up days for this that and the other,
birthday parties attended...
The parents are responsible. We always asked that our child wasn't included / not to be posted on social media.

And yes it is a pain, and upsetting. My DDs have both had to not do things out of school because of the publicity that would be involved. But in school they should be able to participate fully, even if they can never be in the school newsletter proudly showing their certificates, or in their world book day costume or whatever. At least they get to do all the shows etc.

FFS, why are you so determined not to listen to the perfectly clear and straightforward reason that so many people have given you why this isn't ok? It isn't about cameras stealing your soul, it's about children needing to be protected from people- usually relatives- who have been prevented from contacting them because they are abusive. Why is that so fucking hard to understand, and why do you think the ridiculous mania for #makingmemories trumps the need to keep vulnerable children safe?

I'm surprised no one mentioned this. We get a talk at every school event about being able to photograph etc but they request that if those who aren't your children are in the clip then it isn't put on social media. It's due to (some) children in care who need their privacy protected.
What has annoyed me this year in particular is that my view at each of children's performances has been constantly limited because of everyone with their phones out.

YANBU. The school should at least ask before each event that photos aren't shared on social media, as well as having an opt-in form for how the school can/cannot use photos of your child. Yes, some people think it's a fuss about nothing but the opposite view is also valid.

wellies that was a fantastic post. Apart from the "must record everything" eejits annoying the fuck out of everyone else, the danger needs to be explained slowly and carefully every year to them. You did a great job.

We were told that we could film or photograph the kids Christmas show but no one was allowed to post on social media or we wouldn’t be allowed to film in future.

Here’s the thing - if any of those parents had a genuine reason for not wanting their child photographed then they’d have told the school and steps could then be taken to make sure the children involved are kept safe.

Steps like not allowing people to take photos or video of any of the children at the performance, yes.

All schools above a certain side will have adopted, foster, or refuge-possible children in their care sometimes - larger ones, all the time. And they won't want the other parents and kids to know details on which kids are involved. Nor will they want those kids to miss out on school events.

When I was a kid, photos were rare and as you'd need a flash, nobody would have been rude enough to take one outside staff taking them for the parents of individual kids. Now, so many people seem more bothered by taking photos than they do actually watching their kids do things. I don't know; it's like a wedding, where all you see are seas of phones up in the air, and people looking into their phones instead of at the couple in front of them. It feels like the point is missed, in order to preserve a moment IMO people are missing them.

And children who've already suffered a great deal matter more than our wish to see our own looking cute at a school event, IMO.

Every year we have this thread. Every year adoptive and other parents explain patiently why these rules have to be in place, and hundreds of posters completely ignore the explanations and pretend we are saying there's a paedo on every corner.

I am far from being a precious parent - probably too far in the other direction - and I have absolutely no problems with people taking photos of my birth child. With my adopted child, it's a different matter. Has anyone on any of these threads ever asked, why? No, they just queue up to tell me I'm a snowflake. Not many adoptive parents are snowflakes - it's too tough a gig for that.

"If there are any children whose identity and location need protecting then the simple answer is for them not to participate in a production as their participation spoils it for all the other families who want to video or take photos and are happy to share."

For a child to be adopted or fostered when parents are opposed, things have gone catastrophically wrong in their lives and they have already suffered a very great deal. Same if their mum (or, in rarer cases, Dad) has had to remove them from a dad so violent he is not allowed to know where they live or go to school.

You think they should be banned from school events just so you can take as many photos of your kids as you want, whenever you want? Are you serious? Aww, those pesky abused children, interfering with your right to enjoy life unimpeded. So selfish.

What about group photos of the whole class. I've got a few of these from when i was a kid and from when my own were kids. We were never asked permission. As far as i know no ones come to any harm from them.

Buttercup,

But does every child in the class appear in those photos? Or did the class teacher find 'a special job for Billy' before the picture was taken, so he isn't actually in the picture?

That's why many schools have a photo / video policy which involves them taking and then making available the pictures / video: as it is someone who KNOWS the issues and the children who shouldn't be in shot wielding the camera, children in danger/without permission can be discreetly cropped / edited out or the camera angle used changed so that they are never included.

*Our children will have no record of these events when they grow up if this hysteria continues.”

Gosh. Imagine that. People with no record of them in the school nativity aged 4. —that’s most of the people on the planet—

"I wouldn't like my child's photo or video to be put on social media" IS a genuine reason.

At our school, if you object, you let them know and they don't let people film/take photos. You obviously didn't object, so you can't complain that people took photos. But at ours the condition is that they are for personal use, not for sharing on social media or anywhere else.

Personally, I don't have a problem. Especially for those of us who work and can't always make these sorts of events, it's lovely to have a memory of it. But I never share photos with anyone else's children in them anywhere. It's common sense and common courtesy. I keep them for our own memories and post a few on Facebook, etc. of just my dd or I crop other kids out.

I think you're being unreasonable to be upset if you didn't raise it as a concern to begin with.

*That said, I can understand that others might have an issue, but then you just have to let people know.

I agree every year this thread comes up.
My eldest dd is in my care by SGO when she was at school. I was that parent who refused pictures. A blanket ban was put in place because of me, because it was absolutely imperative legally for her safety and mine that her location and appearance could not be identified. Did parents hate me probably but I'm sorry your desire to have a few pics to show around does not trump my dd s right to be safe.
The school were militant on this point for me and it made my life so much easier.