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Original poster

I feel none of my friends like my husband

87 replies

Kav123 · 14/12/2017 10:58

I am quite puzzled and wondering if anyone has experience the same. I used to have loads of friends before my marriage, I still have few good friends but I recently realised that no one ever invite my husband to any outing or event. They are always up for doing things with me but when I try to arrange something involving my husband no one seem to be interested. For new years eve my friends are up for anything if its just me but when I mentioned my husband they seem to have gone quiet. Mind you they are single so that also could be the factor but I feel so isolated because few times I don’t go without my husband and than I end up feeling lonely. My husband only have two friends bot lives another town. Please excuse my typo, i am at work so discreetly posting this.

OP posts:
steff13 · 14/12/2017 11:00

Why does your husband only have two friends? Do you ever spend time with his friends? Does he ever go out with his co-workers or anything? Without knowing him, it's hard to say what the issue is.

curryforbreakfast · 14/12/2017 11:02

If they are single and they want to do things as a group of friends, they probably find it weird that you expect to bring your husband along with you. I mean, say its 5 women and one of them has brought himself....it's just weird. It changes the dynamic and he's not their friend.
Why would you feel lonely without your husband if you are with your friends?

SparklingSnowfall · 14/12/2017 11:02

Do you have any idea why they might not like him?

SwimmingInLemonade · 14/12/2017 11:03

How does he behave around your friends? You might be used to his quirks so you might not even notice if he says something that could be seen as being rude or something? Impossible to say without a bit more of a description of what he's like!

Blackrabbit · 14/12/2017 11:07

No advice OP but I am in exactly the same situation , only I don’t bring my husband out with my (mostly) single girl friends. I tend to have the problem with my coupled up/ married friends and it sucks!

VimFuego101 · 14/12/2017 11:07

I agree, if they're all single it probably changes the dynamic if someone brings their husband along.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/12/2017 11:08

If they are single and a group of ladies, they probably don't want a man hanging about.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 14/12/2017 11:14

To be honest, it's a fucking drag being friends with someone who always wants their husband or boyfriend to tag along. They inevitably end up sat together with the husband/boyfriend looking bored and sullen and then skive off early OR the husband/boyfriend tries to muscle in on every conversation and just limits everything.
I wouldn't be inviting you much either if I had to keep negotiating you inviting your husband along.

steff13 · 14/12/2017 11:16

I'm not single and I wouldn't want a friend's husband tagging along on an evening when it's just "the girls." It changes the dynamic of the evening.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 14/12/2017 11:18

Oh and for reference, I'm not even single.

MaidOfStars · 14/12/2017 11:22

They probably do like your husband well enough (unless he’s an arse, obviously).

They just don’t want him tagging along.

becotide · 14/12/2017 11:26

They don't dislike him, they just don't want you to sit in a marital bubble with the one man there when they'd rather have your attention as one of the girls

SendintheArdwolves · 14/12/2017 11:28

There are several possibilities, and without more info, it's hard to say which it is:

  1. Your friends, broadly speaking, have nothing against your husband but feel that his presence changes the dynamics of the group.
  2. They don't like your husband - this could be for a lot of reasons. How does he behave when he is with them?
  3. They may feel that your behaviour changes when you are around your husband - perhaps you only ever talk to him, never leave his side, etc.
  4. You tend to always bring him along to everything, and they are getting sick of it.

I was interested why you said this:

few times I don’t go without my husband and than I end up feeling lonely

Why do you feel lonely without your husband? You are with your friends, so it seems weird that you feel lonely - do you feel that they ignore/exclude you, or is it just that you feel like you ALWAYS need him to be with you?

KeepServingTheDrinks · 14/12/2017 11:28

I think there are some situations which tend to be 'just girls' and some where partners are also welcome too. FWIW, I would consider NYE to include partners, but I'd stop trying to bring him along to everything.

Ellie56 · 14/12/2017 11:28

Why would you want to have your husband tagging along with a group of women? No wonder they go quiet.

GwenStaceyRocks · 14/12/2017 11:29

Maybe they don't like him. We can't possibly know. It sounds as though you have changed from someone who went out with lots of friends to someone who feels lonely if their husband isn't with them. They may blame him for that shift.
If it's a large mixed group of friends then I'd find it odd that they didn't invite him along sometimes.
If it's a group of single women then I'd find it odd if they did invite him along.He would completely change the dynamic.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 14/12/2017 11:33

To post a slightly different perspective, I think they are U expecting you to spend new year's eve apart from your husband! As to the rest of the time, what the pps said!

Ragwort · 14/12/2017 11:39

Do you honestly expect to drag your DH along to meet up with your single girlfriends? Confused.

I have been married for 30 years but when I get together with girl friends (whether they are single or not) we rarely include husbands/partners.

LostInShoebiz · 14/12/2017 11:44

Maybe they just don't find him good company. If he has only two friends then perhaps he's awkward in a social group and it affects the mood. I have a friend I love dearly and see one to one very regularly but she's just not a group person and it makes other people feel a bit awkward. Could be the same.

Equally, I have a friend whose husband is a total tossed: racist, sexist, everything I can't stand. Has he said anything that might have put them off?

LostInShoebiz · 14/12/2017 11:46

I mean tosser, not tossed. If he was tossed I'd be absolutely delighted.

MillennialFalcon · 14/12/2017 11:48

I think it is a different dynamic because everyone else is single and you are the only couple, they might not want a man along on a girls night out but they should understand that your life has changed and he is a very important part of it and make time for him sometimes and I think they are unreasonable expecting you to spend an important event like New Year's Eve apart.

Trinity66 · 14/12/2017 11:50

I wouldn't take it as they don't like your husband they probably just want girls nights etc. especially if they're single

QueenAmongstMen · 14/12/2017 11:50

Why would they want your DH to tag along on a girl's night?

I'm in the opposite situation: I'm part of a close circle, there are 5 of us all who are married or have long term partners. One of my friends has a real twat of a husband and the rest of us can't stand him Grin

Fairylea · 14/12/2017 11:51

I think most people would find it weird if someone wanted to bring their husband along unless it was a specific couples night or something. It completely changes the dynamic. It might not be that they don’t like him!

Clandestino · 14/12/2017 11:51

Without knowing any details:

  1. Why don't you go out without your husband?
  2. Have they ever met him and you socialised together?
  3. Does he socialise on his own?