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Original poster

I feel none of my friends like my husband

87 replies

Kav123 · 14/12/2017 10:58

I am quite puzzled and wondering if anyone has experience the same. I used to have loads of friends before my marriage, I still have few good friends but I recently realised that no one ever invite my husband to any outing or event. They are always up for doing things with me but when I try to arrange something involving my husband no one seem to be interested. For new years eve my friends are up for anything if its just me but when I mentioned my husband they seem to have gone quiet. Mind you they are single so that also could be the factor but I feel so isolated because few times I don’t go without my husband and than I end up feeling lonely. My husband only have two friends bot lives another town. Please excuse my typo, i am at work so discreetly posting this.

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 14/12/2017 11:55

If it’s a girls night out or coffee with the girls type of invite (I get lots of those) nobody want a dh or bf there.

Probably need to wait until they all pair up before joint invites come in.

mindutopia · 14/12/2017 11:57

I think it's probably that they just want to do things with the girls. If it's not a couples night out (you said they're all single), it's weird to drag your husband along. On top of that, they probably sense that when you do hang out with them, you seem not like yourself and like you aren't enjoying it (you said you end up feeling lonely without your dh). You should be able to go out and see your friends without always dragging your dh along. If you don't enjoy that, that's probably what they're picking up on. But I think it's perfectly normal for a group of single friends to want to hang out together without one person's partner. If you want to hang out with your dh, why not invite them over for dinner? Then it's less like he's tagging along on a girls night out. But otherwise, I think you probably just need to get used to having separate social lives, spend time with your girl friends, do things on dates out with your dh, and also invite them around for dinner alone or as a couple (if/when they have partners). Except when my dh is close to a friend of mine or the whole point of meeting up was for them to meet, I never bring him when I hang out with my girl friends and equally we almost never meet up with his guy friends just the two of us and them. We do have them over for dinner sometimes though with their partners.

GwenStaceyRocks · 14/12/2017 11:57

Is your DH making you feel guilty for going out without him? Because tbh I'm struggling with why either you or your DP would think he should come along on your nights out. But I do remember a friend (whose partner was a controlling arse) and he would turn up when we were out so he could check up on her.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 14/12/2017 11:59

I like my friends husbands and (I think) they like mine but it would be a bit weird for me to take dh on a girls night if no other partners/dh's we're going and a bit weird if anyone else was the only one bringing a partner. It will probably be different when your friends aren't single and they will want to go for meals etc with the partners but there will prob also be nights out that are just the ladies or just the men. I doubt they don't like your dh - unless he's not very nice.

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2017 12:00

I also think it would be weird to want to bring your husband on a girls night out. I doubt it’s they don’t like him, just well it’s weird to want to do that.

The issue seems to be if your husband doesn’t have a social life really this needs to be sorted by him, if he wants one, but I don’t think inviting him on girls nights out is the answer.

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2017 12:01

Is he asking to come, is that it? Because if that’s the case, then you’ve got a different issue in reality and it’s not your friends.

Jaxhog · 14/12/2017 12:02

I'm guessing that it's because he's 'a man' and not part of the friend group. My DH rarely gets invited to outings with my single female friends either. I know they like him, but he just doesn't fit into an all girl dynamic. I'm happy to meet them on my own, and he's happy not to come.

hellsbellsmelons · 14/12/2017 12:02

Well I have 2 very good friends and we meet up.
Never with partners though.
We are all single again now but we'd never include a bloke into the mix for a girlie night out!
Seems odd you want him there if you are meeting up with your friends.

feral · 14/12/2017 12:05

I would never take DH to a thing with my single friends. Usually I see single friends by myself and also usually see married / couple friends without their partners.

Mainly because apart from one of my friends DP I don't really like any of them.

SleepFreeZone · 14/12/2017 12:07

Of course your single girlfriends think it's weird that you want to bring your husband along on some of your outings Confused

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 14/12/2017 12:08

I know a woman whose husband always tags along wherever she's going with her female friends and frankly it's odd!

Original poster
Kav123 · 14/12/2017 12:10

Hey,

Not sure why he only have two friends. He sees them on occasions, doesnt hang out with work people either.

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 14/12/2017 12:13

Does he guilt trip you for going without him?

I'd get really fucked off of my friend kept trying to bring a partner to a girls thing.

LostInTheTunnelOfGoats · 14/12/2017 12:14

Why on earth is your husband tagging along to girl's nights with your single friends? If one of the husbands/partners in my group of female friends did this, we'd think they'd lost the plot, or assume he was keeping her in a cage the rest of the time.

My DH isn't a social butterfly and doesn't have many friends, he's quiet and introverted and likes being at home. He gets on well with my friends and they like him too, and they'll chat away when they see each other, but he'd rather stick forks in his eyes than join us on a girl's night out!

Trinity66 · 14/12/2017 12:14

Its not even just single friends, all my close group of girlfriends are married but we always go out on our own unless its something like a wedding or whatever

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2017 12:14

Does he wish to come out with you with your friends op?

NeilPetark · 14/12/2017 12:17

Why do you need to bring him all the time and why do you feel lonely without him? You should be able to go out without needing your dh there.

I had a friend who bought her dh to every single meet up, sometimes we just wanted a ‘girls night’ takeaway and wine but she always bought him. Didn’t dislike him at all but we just wanted to see our friend on her own occasionally.

Nyx1 · 14/12/2017 12:17

"To be honest, it's a fucking drag being friends with someone who always wants their husband or boyfriend to tag along"

this.

Snowman41 · 14/12/2017 12:19

I have been married almost 20 years but I have never take my husband with me when I meet up with my friends / that's a tad weird tbh

nigelschristmasham · 14/12/2017 12:25

I don't think Any of my friends like my dp really-not for any real reason but he is very shy and gets a bit nervous socially which sometimes results in him saying the wrong thing.They are all quite outgoing and more confident and if anything that makes him quieter and so it goes round.

It makes me a bit sad. But we usually go out just the women anyway and if he does come it's where there is a big group so it's more absorbed into that ifswim. I don't get offended by it as what would be the point? They like me, I guess they don't have to like him (though it's them that missed out as he is really lovely when you get to know him).They aren't openly nasty about or to him and I would hope not behind our backs-but it's just a feeling I get from them.

Original poster
Kav123 · 14/12/2017 12:26

Just quickly replying here for all, I always go out alone with them but I don’t understand why would they want me alone for new years eve, asking me to ditch my husband and have fun with them. This is what got me thinking, do they not like my husband ? I have been with my husband 5 years, only ever went to group thing twice in past 5 years so its not like my friends don’t get me to spend time with them. I see them a lot too.

@ steff13, I am not sure why he only has two friends. I wouldn’t say he is the most outgoing guy. He is bit reserved.

@curryforbreakfast I meant to say I would feel lonely if I don’t go out with my friends just because my husband is not invited. Another thing, I barely ever take my husband with me.

@ SparklingSnowfall I think they just want to have fun and my husband is not really a fun guy, he doesn’t drink or smoke.

@ SwimmingInLemonade he is quiet guy, doesn’t talk too much, doesn’t drink.

@ Blackrabbit I don’t have many non single friend.

@ EverythingEverywhere1234 FYI in last 5 years my husband has only joined me on two occasions. He doesn’t like to tag along.

@ becotide Marital bubble lol, only if you knew me.

@ Ragwort it’s the same with me, I also want to do couple things but I don’t have any couple friend ☹

@ SendintheArdwolves, I didn’t mean I feel lonely if he doesn’t come with me.. I meant I would feel lonely if I don’t go just because he is not going, though he has never stopped me. I feel bad that he is mostly alone.

OP posts:
curryforbreakfast · 14/12/2017 12:30

t I don’t understand why would they want me alone for new years eve, asking me to ditch my husband and have fun with them. This is what got me thinking, do they not like my husband

You're overthinking it. They are going out for NYE as a group of single women. You are welcome to join them, your husband, who is not their friend, doesn't talk much or drink and who would ruin the dynamic, is not invited. You can choose whether to be with them or with him.

This isnt' a thing. It's merely the simple fact that husbands of your friends don[t get invited to friends nights out. Thats all.

WeLikeLucy · 14/12/2017 12:33

If they want a girls night out or there are only women meeting up, then it's weird for them if you want to bring him along. Also, why would he want to go out with a group of girls? Does your DH make you feel that he needs to be with you all the time? Is he comfortable with you going out without him? May be they are asking themselves these same questions and wondering if he is controlling?

I have one friend whose DH my husband and I don't like. He is verging on being emotionally abusive towards my friend. He controls their finances - she has to ask for bits of money and he won't pay for certain things. Also, he took her name off their house when she had children as she was 'no longer contributing to the mortgage'. He puts her down. When we meet up he is miserable and a bit rude. To be honest we avoid having to meet up with them as a couple. I'm not saying this is the reason why your friends don't want your DH around, but perhaps they haven't had a good impression of him.

Or it could just be that they are single and at a different stage of their lives.

Rudgie47 · 14/12/2017 12:35

A lot of friends cant be bothered really with their friends husband. They tend to be polite etc, but obviously their priority is their friend.
Is their anything your husband can join where he can meet others and make some new friends himself?. Is he interested in sports or any hobbies etc. I think they key here is for him to extend his own social life.
A group of women will generally not want someone husband tagging along unless its a couples night out.

Bluntness100 · 14/12/2017 12:35

I really don’t understand your thought processes here.

Firstly your friends have invited you for a girls night out on New Year’s Eve. You either go or say you can’t if you have plans with your husband.

It doesn’t mean they don’t want you to spend the evening with him
And it absolutely doesn’t mean they don’t like him, what a crazy mental leap.

However, do you like him? Because you don’t exactly speak fondly of him and your first thought is they don’t like him,,,is that because you don’t like him, so you assume neither do they? That’s why you made the mental leap?