I feel none of my friends like my husband

[Kav123]

I am quite puzzled and wondering if anyone has experience the same. I used to have loads of friends before my marriage, I still have few good friends but I recently realised that no one ever invite my husband to any outing or event. They are always up for doing things with me but when I try to arrange something involving my husband no one seem to be interested. For new years eve my friends are up for anything if its just me but when I mentioned my husband they seem to have gone quiet. Mind you they are single so that also could be the factor but I feel so isolated because few times I don’t go without my husband and than I end up feeling lonely. My husband only have two friends bot lives another town. Please excuse my typo, i am at work so discreetly posting this.

[senzaparole03]

You're overthinking it. They are going out for NYE as a group of single women. You are welcome to join them, your husband, who is not their friend, doesn't talk much or drink and who would ruin the dynamic, is not invited. You can choose whether to be with them or with him.


She is absolutely not overthinking it! Her friends are being selfish. This isn't just a Saturday night with the girls, this is NYE. Let's be realistic!

I was single for a good few years in my late twenties, and would never, ever think of asking a friend to not bring her husband/partner to a NYE do! Even ones I don't like. It honestly shouldn't even cross your mind. That's just ridiculous, childish behaviour. Neither would I tolerate any friends asking the same of me now.

Kav - speak to one of your girlfriends, and ask if there is an issue. Explain that you understand that it's predominately a girl's night, but it is NYE, so would there be an issue with bringing your husband? And frankly, if there is, then i would tell them to shove it up their ass and find new friends. You can be dictated too like that! As you said, twice in 5 years is not a big ask, ffs. They're being completely unreasonable, inconsiderate and not thinking of you.

[user1495451339]

It is because they are single! The dynamic is a bit strange when you have a couple with singles that's all.

NYE is a bit different as it is the type of event you would be with your husband. Why don't you just do something nice with your husband that night and see them another time.

Work on setting them up so that you can have couple friends!

[AfunaMbatata]

Why would they want a loner who doesn’t talk much, doesn’t drink etc at a New Years party?

[thefairyfellersmasterstroke]

My mum's friends didn't like my dad much, but they were far too polite to make that known at the time. He was always invited to everything, however they were mostly couples so not the same situation as you.

As your friends are still single, it does sound like PP have said, that it's still "the girls" for them, and your DH isn't one of them. Your situation has changed but theirs hasn't, so they probably want to carry on as normal, which is less easy for you.

It's a bit concerning though if you say you would feel lonely staying home with your husband instead of going out with your friends. You say he's not a fun guy, so is it perhaps that you are realising your choice is beween fun with friends, or loneliness with your husband?

I think you should consider what you want your life to be like, rather than focus on what your frineds might think abot your DH.

[Roussette]

This is an odd thread. You obviously want to spend NYE with your DH but they were just being polite in asking just you. I'm surprised they asked you TBH as they are all single and you are not. What sort of evening is it? A pub crawl? Meal out? Party at someone's house?

How many are there and have they all not got a partner?

I just think a lot of females together and someone drags their DH along does not work. I know someone through a shared interest, we all get together (all females) every now and again. She carts her husband along and it is really reall peculiar as he is very boring and just insists on sitting right in the middle of us all. No awareness at all that he shouldn't be there.

[Kav123]

Just quickly replying here for all, I always go out alone with them but I don’t understand why would they want me alone for new years eve, asking me to ditch my husband and have fun with them. This is what got me thinking, do they not like my husband ? I have been with my husband 5 years, only ever went to group thing twice in past 5 years so its not like my friends don’t get me to spend time with them. I see them a lot too.

@ steff13, I am not sure why he only has two friends. I wouldn’t say he is the most outgoing guy. He is bit reserved.

@curryforbreakfast I meant to say I would feel lonely if I don’t go out with my friends just because my husband is not invited. Another thing, I barely ever take my husband with me.

@ SparklingSnowfall I think they just want to have fun and my husband is not really a fun guy, he doesn’t drink or smoke.

@ SwimmingInLemonade he is quiet guy, doesn’t talk too much, doesn’t drink.


@ Blackrabbit I don’t have many non single friend.

@ EverythingEverywhere1234 FYI in last 5 years my husband has only joined me on two occasions. He doesn’t like to tag along.

@ becotide Marital bubble lol, only if you knew me.

@ Ragwort it’s the same with me, I also want to do couple things but I don’t have any couple friend ☹

@ SendintheArdwolves, I didn’t mean I feel lonely if he doesn’t come with me.. I meant I would feel lonely if I don’t go just because he is not going, though he has never stopped me. I feel bad that he is mostly alone.

[Kav123]

sorry posted the same message again by mistake and now i dont know how to remove the same message ... you can tell i am new here..

[pinkdelight]

"Why would they want a loner who doesn’t talk much, doesn’t drink etc at a New Years party?"

This! And I doubt he'd want to be there either! They're not being selfish and he's not a problem either (loads of guys don't bother much with friends when they're married, doesn't meant there's anything wrong with them, but also doesn't mean your friends have to befriend him). The two are just incompatible so you choose. Do something with DH or go out with your friends. Totally agree you're overthinking it.

[Snowman41]

I don’t understand why would they want me alone for new years eve, asking me to ditch my husband and have fun with them.

Well they have invited you out you don't have to go. Often people have choices like that for occasions and have to decide who they are going to spend them with.

[Kav123]

thefairyfellersmasterstroke truth be told I do feel annoyed that he doesn't go out much then criticize me for going out too much (which is like 2 a month) our interests are different so its really hard to do something we both like. I got annoyed because my friends dont include him for xmas or new year party because all of them likes to get drunk and hook up. i dont want to do the same.. its hard to meet like minded people or couples to hang out with.

[Skarossinkplunger]

I’ve been in the position where I was part of a group of singles and 1 woman was married her husband always came out with her, whether invited or not. He turned out, as we predicted to be controlling cunt.

In the NYE case your friends are going out, it was nice of them to invite you. They probably realise you’ll want to spend it with your husband, they were just being polite.

[Kav123]

Thank you so much girls, you are all fab. I am actually overthinking it really.. thanks for your honest advise and words, much appreciated. I am happy that i have a place to go discuss whats bothering me and someone is out there listening. :-)

[curryforbreakfast]

She is absolutely not overthinking it! Her friends are being selfish. This isn't just a Saturday night with the girls, this is NYE. Let's be realistic!

They are NOT being selfish! Calling women selfish because they don't want to invite a man to their night out is appalling.

they are probably only being polite in asking her anyway, assuming she would be spending it with her husband.

[Kav123]

@Clandestino

1- Because its new year eve, i want to stay with him.
2 - we have socialized together when we first met but he doesn't like going out much.
3 - Very rarely.

[Kav123]

Also i would like to add, i think the reason my husband doesn't have many friend because he has Paranoid personality disorder. He doesn't accept it but i know he has it.

[TimetohittheroadJack]

He could offer to drive them all home on NYE, that way he might be more welcome!

[curryforbreakfast]

So you asked why don't my friends invite my husband who has a paranoid personality disorder and doesn't like socialising or talking or drinking to nights out?
You couldn't guess at it?

[Kav123]

He is social with my friends if he sees them. He is not isolated or quiet. Its when it comes to being friends with people and I think thats the reason he doesnt have many friends because he doesnt trust people.

[curryforbreakfast]

You said he was isolated and quiet, earlier in the thread

[SendintheArdwolves]

Sorry for misinterpreted the 'lonely' comment - I see what you mean now.

TBH, it's a pretty big statement to make it clear to one half of a couple that only they are welcome and their partner is not.

Be honest (with yourself, you don't have to be honest out loud with us if you don't want to) - can you think of any reason why they don't want him around? Has he done or said anything in the past that has put them off him?

I have one friend whose partner is someone who in the past, I have had to make a point about excluding. He is a nasty little bully, who picks on people, can't bear not to be the centre of attention, and thinks its funny to "tease" people and wind them up. A lot of the time, this "teasing" takes the form of pretending to think people are gay and then making lots of jokes about it. It's awkward, because I like her very much, but I can't really bear inviting him to things and then having to be nice to him because he's a guest.

[LostInTheTunnelOfGoats]

You really are overthinking it. They've invited you to be nice but it's absolutely fine to decline the invitation and say you'd rather have a quiet one this year. I don't get why it being NYE is an issue, it's a party night not special family time in my book. My DH would happily stay at home while I went out on NYE,it's not like it's Christmas Eve or our wedding anniversary.

Either way, I don't think you should get annoyed at your friends, they don't have to be best buddies with your husband just because they are friends with you.

[Yerazig]

Of course when meeting up and it’s females only they don’t want someone’s male partner there. Especially one who from your description doesn’t seem very sociable. And your definitely overthinking it about nye. They’ve asked if you want to come out with them. You either say yes or no. What’s the big deal? It’s not like they are forcing you,especially if you do see them on other occasions alone.

[Intercom]

I don't go for the women-only "girls" night out thing either OP. It isn't compulsory. Someone is either good company or they aren't, regardless of their sex. It isn't "worse" to prefer socialising as a couple, it's just different to your friends' preference.

[Intercom]

"Why would they want a loner who doesn’t talk much, doesn’t drink etc at a New Years party?"

Because you don't need to drink to enjoy yourself? Because people who don't fit the mould of prolific talkers can still be good company and enjoy a party?