For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

[NoBreakNoProblem]

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

Ok, so teachers at parents evenings use the word "academic" to mean "clever".

For some people that is their only exposure to the word "academic".

So when you tell people you're an academic, this is how it goes in their head

"So what do you do?"
(you) "I've clever."

You see how that comes across? I don't know WTF an academic is or does, I know enough from inference that it's a job, but to a lot of people it sounds like you're literally answering with "I'm clever. My job is to be clever. It's not worth explaining properly, you clearly wouldn't understand"

I have the same job. I just say 'I teach ' (supply subject of your choice). If they ask, I then say 'at the Uni'. Mostly people are pretty uninterested.

"My parents were ones"

Are you certain you're an academic?

Maybe it's not an inverted snobbery thing.
I have a relative who describes himself as an academic at every opportunity, and tbh, he just comes across as a try hard knob.

Yes OP your whole explanation sounds overly class-conscious..knowledge gap? FFS! You probably come across as patronising, you could just say you teach and research. Academics are so badly paid in the UK it doesn't exactly mean major status to everyone, so this whole 'stunned into silence' remark speaks about something else, maybe because of the way you say it. 'they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob'..What a weird comment! And why not talk political science or philosophy if they ask you? Here, you come across as a patronising snob so maybe they pick that up

Don't describe yourself as an "academic". It sounds really pretentious.

Just say " I work at XXyyy University". If they ask a follow up question, say, "I teach X and do a bit of research."

I wouldn't say you are a teacher. For most people this is a school teacher and IME at the school gates they will sieze the opportunity to complain to you about other teachers and want your opinion on how clever their DC are.

I don’t get this reaction, so as such I wonder if you are coming across as boasting and trying to make yourself sound more than you are. Maybe not intentionally, but in your own words in your op, you clearly don’t classify yourself as working class, even though you live in a working class area and possibly earn less than many of rhe people you classify as working class. It’s quite boldly insinuated in your op you very much do not consider yourself working class and different to those you live amongst.

I suspect this is the issue. If you try to make out you are in some way better than others, then folks simoly don’t like it. Understandably.

There is such thing as reverse snobbery. I'm as working class as they come by background (neither parent ever went to uni, born on a council estate, went to a rough school) but as one thing led to another throughout my life I ended up going to uni and now have a very professional job. In some circles people can treat you very differently if they find out what you do. I stopped going to my hairdressers (a very chilled cheap little place in a pretty rough area) after one visit when she asked what I did and I told them, and the response was literally 'oooooh, get you! Look at you!' with disdain, as if I'd somehow insulted them or bragged or something. This was from two other customers as well as the stylist who up until that point had been happily chatting with me about all sorts.

I go silent if someone says they dod a job I have no interest in.

And I agree that some places/people get arsey if they learn you live near the estate and not on it, or your husband gets a fucking train to work instead of doing manual work.... I've recently moved somewhere that's really "working class" and it's so unfriendly. I could quite imagine if I was an academic it would make thing even harder. I can't put my finger on it, it's insular, cold and prickly. Everyone knows everyone else and it's taken two years to settle.

Working classes aren't an homogenised group of kind friendly salt of the earth types, there are some very friendly and welcoming communities and really awful just like any other.

Anyone who has a job is working class in my eyes. You go to work, you're working class.

(If there's enough money in the family to make enough money to live on without having to get out of bed you might be middle class, and the titled are upper class)

Anyone who honestly considers themselves middle class because of their job and furthermore imagines the ''working classes'' are being stunned into silence by the mere mention of their job would make me believe they were a bit of a twat pretentious to be honest.

Op if your parents 'were' working class hoe are they not working class now?

They are working class as are you. A degree doesn't make you middle class. Just educated working class.

Your post screams snob.

@theymademejoin

Right? I don't see what's so stunning about being a lecturer.
--
Also, the attacks from certain people down here is a good indicator of what I've been trying to explain. You rush to judgments; you don't know the first thing about me or my background. So, please, try to be civil for the sake of reciprocity. It's not a competition between assumed superiority and feelings of inferiority complex.

We;ve had a lot of work done to this house over the 12 years we have lived here and by and large, most of the plumbers and builders i have come across are very intelligent - they never assume that i dont know how a heat exchanger works on a boiler or what an RSJ is or anything - i am always impressed at the way they can add up the cost of the materials in their heads and measure everything up and work out in their heads how long the job take and what they need - i have had some very interesting conversations with them about their jobs and politics and current affairs and my hairdresser is very clued up about current affairs too - sometimes you just have to talk to people to get their measure - something my own dh can't do as easily as me and he works with some very intelligent highly educated people himself in his field of work., Some people just cant do this. Then again, maybe some folk would just call me nosy, when i am not, i am actually interested! derailing the thread a bit , but just saying that people surprise you sometimes.

I have the same job and I have had a few similar experiences. It is often from people who have not been to university rather than a class thing (unless that is a class thing). I find people get past it quite quickly; I'm lowbrow by nature and interested in other people. I have a friend who only has one register, and it's the one she lectures in. I can see that would be a problem for her. You don't sound like that OP, so just give it time.
Being a lecturer is a shit job - low paid, long hours, endless marking. There are few trumpets to blow. Researching is a different matter, it's only worth it for that.

I found that sort of response when I lived in the Midlands (in a small town) for a bit. I was a postdoc. People would ask, I'd answer, they'd sort of pull a face and then found a reason to move away. Funnily enough I didn't make many friends outside my department

Are you a native English speaker OP? Your writing makes me think perhaps not?

For example a native speaker would realise that calling a group “the working class” sounds quite patronising/condescending and that it would be (marginally better) to say “ people from working class backgrounds” or “working class people”.
Perhaps you are making similar subtle mistakes in your face to face communication?

I consider myself working class, and always will do, as my background and upbringing are completely working class. I sound it too, very broad Yorkshire accent from a region associated with poverty.

I don't really understand class though as I guess my life these days, from a snap shot, doesn't look as working class, it's hard to describe. But I'm working in a health/social care profession, my partner is a doctor, we have a really good dual income, but other than that I don't see any of the 'markers' of middle class in our life. We're just not. We don't have wealthy families or an inheritance to come, or own a property, or have expensive foreign holidays, or buy Boden. I find the whole class thing confusing and maybe some of the bad feeling comes from people thinking you're getting ideas above your station for having gotten an education and professional job? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maiden I assumed they were dead.

YY to lemonshark.

And it honestly isn't always about how you say things, or having airs and graces, or being pretentious. I'm common as muck and have that kind of ordinary face that leads people to approach me and start chatting at bus stops. But I also have what anyone darn sarf would immediately identify as a "working class" accent (slightly cockney), and when they hear it I can see people I've only just met change their attitude, as if I'm speaking like the queen and being lah-de-dah. It's BONKERS! It's hard to think I've done anything to offend them, because I can see the change as soon as I open my mouth. You just suddenly become other.

I think they probably don't know what you do but consider you 'above' them so don't want to look a fool by saying anything after that.

If I were you I'd just say 'oh I used to be a teacher' to pe0ple you meet generally. If you get to know them better, you can say ' oh I did a bit of research in XYZ' Tailor your response to your audience.

You described the working classes (of which I am definitely one) as being 'in the gutter'. What do you expect? And what exactly is incorrect about the assumptions? I bet you are a left wing remainer.

You rush to judgments; you don't know the first thing about me or my background.

OP, in the nicest possible way - the only basis people have to judge you is what you wrote on here. AIBU is a controversial message board which carries a health warning.

You need to take the rough with the smooth.

Well I think you've set the ball rolling on something that's all in your head tbh op.