For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

[NoBreakNoProblem]

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

Anyone who describes others as in the gutter is most definitely a snob and up their own arse

I’m disgusted that people are suggesting that you dumb down your job title. Why should you?

I don't think anyone's suggesting that she "dumb down" her job title. The OP wants to put people at their ease, which is good manners on her part. In my experience, people do not feel at ease if they do not understand the words you are using. My suggestion was that she explains what she does in simpler terms for people who may not understand what she is telling them. One of my friends is a consultant oncologist. When my DDs talk to her about what she does, she tells them that she is a doctor. No dumbing down at all; just using different language for a different audience.

Just got home op. Having a day off. Having major building work and have 5 men on site today. Kettle's on for a brew. In a min I'll have a laugh with them and they call me "my dahlin" and I've occasionally said "you silly sods". No problem with them at all, they are very helpful, gritted the drive on Friday without being asked. They know I work for a uni and that DH works "up London". They can be in no doubt that we have a few bob but none of us would mention it.

They have no idea that I am a member of the SLT as a director of service or that DH is a QC. Why would they? Why would we share the detail?

Erm, yeah I think most people do consider being a lecturer or academic to be pretty 'high up'. Especially if most of your social circle work in a supermarket, factory, call centre, are a cleaner, or are trying to get by on benefits. It has a certain cachet because it both requires a lot of higher education, and is also known for being well paid (again, compared to NMW).

Some people do
yy I said most don't which implies that some do . But OP is meeting different people and they're having the same response which implies the common denominator is how the OP imparts the information.

Not everyone is as offended by the term "working class" as MNers seem to be. I'm from a family of tradespeople and manual labourers who've always lived on quite a low income - we'd all describe ourselves as working class with no qualms. It's disingenuous to suggest that there are no differences between people in different jobs / on different incomes. I went to an art dealer's house recently (socially, not for work). Perfectly nice guy and we had a lovely long chat, but I was very aware that our frames of reference for the world didn't overlap much. His life is very different from mine, and however friendly we are to one another, that difference is always going to be there and there will always be significant elements of each others' lives that we can't identify with. It's not about intelligence; it's about how you experience the world.

Why do you live in a predominantly working class area, if you are an academic, unless your subject is Sociology? Lol

But OP is meeting different people and they're having the same response which implies the common denominator is how the OP imparts the information.

Or that it's a homogenous kind of community?

I know a few people who have genuinely ... humbling? ... jobs and roles in life and you know what? They are the most easy going, easy to talk to people.

You said earlier OP ''It's not a competition between assumed superiority and feelings of inferiority complex.''

What is it then? You tell us. You're the one having the problem. We only have your words here on this forum to go on and you've managed to ruffle a few feathers with your own class assumptions. You say it's a good indicator of what I've been trying to explain. Great! If this thread is becoming a microcosm of RL for you then that's how you're going to learn something from it.

It is odd to give so much detail when asked, people are just making conversation and I can see it might come across as elitist or snobby or boasting. I don't say 'I am a Jungian psychotherapist specialising in childhood trauma and identity disorders' (I'm not by the way, I have changed the details!). I might say I'm a psychotherapist or counsellor or if they are local I might say I work at X clinic/hospital that they might have heard of. That sparks a conversation instead of closing it down.

I’m a university lecturer and have never had any strange reactions when someone asks what I do.

@RaindropsAndSparkles I think you're pretty cool!

I'm also an academic and we live in an older, mixed area - so we have a lovely big Victorian house but there are also some two up two downs and small modern flats. So that's the catchment for my DCs' school.
I just say I work at X university (it's one of the bigger employers) and leave it open what I do. I tell them if they ask.

If people ask they NEVER clam up - I have never found that - but again, maybe it's because it's such a big employer here that everyone has a friend/neighbour who works there?

I pull rank when my subject is relevant - let's say I'm in water ecology (I'm not) and I go on a nature walk and someone is spouting off incorrectly about the canal - then I would point out what I know professionally (I'm sure I have all that wrong TBH as, obviously, I don't work in water ecology...)

my parents were ones - it's just a description

Except by saying that your parents were 'ones', it becomes more than a description doesn't it? More like an identity that you're labelling people with.
Why don't you just tell people you work at the university? My children go to school in a very working-class area and I even sometimes feel funny about telling other parents that I'm a teacher. So I often just say I work in a school.

My husband is a university lecturer and he has never had this sort of reaction. It really doesn’t ring true, tbh.

sillyLittleBiscuit

"Why do you live in a predominantly working class area, if you are an academic, unless your subject is Sociology? Lol"

Also, to the people talking about how well they get on with the working classes based on their interactions with their plumber: when I'm working for someone, whatever their class/income/profession, I'm equally friendly to all of them. A) it makes for a more pleasant workday for myself B) it's professional and C) why alienate a potentially repeat client by being unfriendly to them? There's a difference between genuinely being friends with people of all classes and having a healthy professional relationship with the tradespeople working for you.

Guys, it's really not that 'high up' pretentious stuff as some think it is

Seriously, would anybody think this 😀? I live in a town with a very low socio-economic status, and cannot imagine any of the people I know thinking ‘wowsers, bet she’s dead clever, we won’t have anything in common, best stop the chat now’ after your revelation.

Being charitable, as a PP said, it is entirely possible that a lot of people don’t know what an academic researcher is and so don’t know how to respond. Being uncharitable, it’s also possible that you come across as thinking you’re better than others - if you only experienced this with a couple of people, it might be them, but you do appear to be the common denominator in this problem...

@RoseWhiteTips

Didn't really care what kind of area as long it was safe, quiet, clean, and of course affordable.

This sure is shaping up to be Thread if the Day, though.

(You must be pleased...)

or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter.

And YOU are complaining about people making generalisations and assumptions. The irony!

...Thread of the Day...

Isn’t snobbish a better word than “snobby”?