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AIBU?

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Original poster

For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

564 replies

NoBreakNoProblem · 14/12/2017 10:13

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

OP posts:
Iprefercoffeetotea · 15/12/2017 18:46

delta how did he know what sort of school you'd attended?

Did he google the name and find out it was a "bog standard" comprehensive and then put his own slant on it?

I don't think that had anything to do with class/upbringing and everything to do with being a nasty piece of work.

I usually find public school educated types are very charming. They might not be charming inside, or in private, but they put on a good show outwardly. But I suppose there is always the exception!

FaFoutis · 15/12/2017 18:47

Hello Myrtle.
I know, I shouldn't bother.

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 15/12/2017 18:49

My extended family are all working class, and I have noticed that when we meet we never talk about work. AT ALL. My DH on the other hand is from a middle class family and everyone talks about work, projects etc. DH finds it odd meeting my lot, but we just talk about other stuff. If I were you OP, just say you work at the university. You don't need to be so specific. Just carry on being lovely to people and you'll be fine.

manicmij · 15/12/2017 18:51

Why don't you describe your job differently e.g. classroom assistant. You may then gain the trust of other Mums etc. My husband was in a very high profile security job for a few years and I just described him as "in insurance". This explained him wearing a suit, going out at different times of the day and sometimes being away from home ( away on a course, training or a branch overseas). Never had any problem.Think out of the box and assimilate into your majority environment.

HashtagTired · 15/12/2017 18:58

I think you're overthinking it and it's in your head. Tbh, it sounds like you are waiting for people to be like that and may even give off vibes.

BelleandBeast · 15/12/2017 19:00

Just say you work at the University on the teaching staff

The word academic makes it sound like you are being patronising.

The fact that you are in research / lecturer makes it academic, we don't need you to spell it out.

PrincessoftheSea · 15/12/2017 19:13

If you are an academic it means that you work at the university in research/teaching. Sorry but D'oh!

Battleax · 15/12/2017 19:15

I wonder if "I'm a medic" would be similarly controversial?

tillytrotter1 · 15/12/2017 19:22

I found it was OK when I said that I was a teacher but if I said I was a High School Maths teacher people's faces would drop, grown, educated naval officers would look like they wanted to cry, it was so funny! Slightly aside, our daughters' friends wouldn't call me by my first name until I told them to, even though I'd never taught any of them.

TheCarteDOrElephant · 15/12/2017 19:25

"Why don't you describe your job differently e.g. classroom assistant. "

Are you serious? Because a person with a PhD who does original research (you do realise that's what academics do, right? They create the knowledge that is then taught in schools and universities) has absolutely zero to do with being a classroom assistant.

That is not snobbery. That is a fact. Facts are very, very, unpopular these days...

FaFoutis · 15/12/2017 19:37

TheCarte thank you for the sanity.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 15/12/2017 19:39

yy to a bit of deliberate vagueness being ok for most people.

I am in a professional role to which loads of assumptions and signifiers are attached.I prefer to say that "I work at the hospital", which seems to be enough to keep conversation going. I've yet to be asked whether I'm a catering assistant/doctor/nurse/Chief Exec.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/12/2017 19:49

*Why don't you describe your job differently e.g. classroom assistant

I honestly don't think it's being a university researcher that's the issue here, but that's a bit like being an accounts assistant and saying you're a sheep farmer.

User843022 · 15/12/2017 19:49

'Are you serious? Because a person with a PhD who does original research (you do realise that's what academics do, right? They create the knowledge that is then taught in schools and universities'

Yes which is very relevant for say, when applying for jobs but the average ndn or parent in the playground couldn't really care less so someone saying 'hi I'm an academic' would probably be met with a wtf face, which the op is interpreting as the person being in awe of their academicnes. When really they're just thinking what a knob.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/12/2017 19:49

bold fail

maybeitssomethingelse · 15/12/2017 19:59

Do you not class yourself as working class?
Maybe a shorter description of your job might help, it might intimidate some people or make them think you’re showing off. Who knows what people think, but keep trying x

FaFoutis · 15/12/2017 20:02

We could get rid of all eye rolling/ snobbishness / thinking what a knob / confusion / inferiority/ superiority (delete as appropriate) if we all just said, when asked, that we are classroom assistants. Or sheep farmers. Or working class because we work.

user1485778793 · 15/12/2017 20:07

Just say 'I work in a university' and see if that changes anything.

Are you actually engaging people in conversation? Asking them questions or discussing anything neutral?

Some people think they are very sociable when they actually just like talking about themselves. I hardly ever talk about my job to people and it's similar to yours.... to be honest it's quite a boring subject

Maireadplastic · 15/12/2017 20:14

As soon as I see the word 'chipiness', I'm out. It's a lazy way of putting people in their place.

ButchyRestingFace · 15/12/2017 20:17

"I'm an academic" sounds a bit nebulous and crusty down to me.

"I'm a physics (or whatevs) university lecturer/tutor/researcher" - far easier to pin down.

Thetimehascome · 15/12/2017 20:20

‘Consider you a blind, dumb man’, is this the sort of language you use? You do realise a person who is visually impaired or a person who is deaf has the same brain capacity as the next person, even maybe as much as you.
If I heard you talk like this, I would avoid you too. You’re a lecturer, get a grip, maybe look at yourself a little harder, rather than presuming anyone ‘working class’ wouldn’t be interested in you because of your profession.

PopGoesTheWeaz · 15/12/2017 20:22

If you go to work your working class, Simple
Sorry, no. This is not what working class means.

nickyplustwo · 15/12/2017 20:27

I think there is an odd prejudice in some places about people who are perceived to have posh accents, be 'over-educated' and stuck up -
it's true of where we live that there's a tiny bit of hostility towards people who have moved down from London and are perceived to think themselves a bit fancy.
Most people just want to rub along nicely with whoever they encounter and try not to judge based on accent, job title or whatever but there are some who can't help themselves. This goes both ways 'class-wise' - up and down and I don't think that the "working-class = salt of the earth and middle class = pretentious twats or working class = thick and poor and middle class = mannered and educated" rhetoric is at all helpful. There are good and bad examples of both, wherever you sit. But why should the poster dumb down their job title - it's patronising to the OP and to his audience. Would you be advising a plumber to say 'I do stuff with pipes' or a cleaner to say 'I'm a domestic maintenance executive' - unlikely ...

Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2017 20:27

"Do you actually say, 'I'm an academic researcher and university lecturer'? Because it does sound a tad pompous if you do.

Simply 'I'm an academic' would probably get a better response."

I think 'I'm a lecturer' would be even more understandable or 'I teach at the university'.

To be fair, I'm a bit intimidated by academics, comes from my own time at uni I think and how superior some of them were. (Only some of them!)

allinclusive · 15/12/2017 20:31

I can empathise with you, I'm a dentist (so used to people not liking me for all sorts of reasons) and I moved to a 'working class' village and I basically just didn't fit in. I experienced a lot of reverse snobbery. I eventually moved to a much more diverse village and have settled right in. To me it the working class bit wasn't the problem, more the close minded village mentality.