For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

[NoBreakNoProblem]

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

This thread has taught me something- I didn't know academic was a job. I thought that was to do with schools, I guess if someone said to me they were academic I'd think they were at school learning. I'm very working class if it ever needs defining, which it never has.

However I have had to change my job name when I tell people for clarification, not dumbing down or anything. Introduced myself as a nursery nurse once to someone who I found out had no children and just didn't know the role, so started asking about nursing. So I started saying I worked in a nursery or in childcare. Same thing for maternity nursing, felt bad as the person I told asked about how difficult it was working in a baby ward and I had to say I was self-employed and was hired by parents with newborns to live-in and provide 24 hour care.

Goldilocks The OP is 'An Academic' which is someone who works at a university teaching and doing research.

Amelia I have a very niche, unusual job. I dread people asking what I do, so I say I'm a civil servant, which is also true and hopefully let them imagine me sitting in an office drinking tea and pushing bits of paper around, which is true for some of the time.

Just say you teach at the university if asked? it's hardly downplaying your job. New neighbours might just think wtf when you say you're 'an academic', sounds a bit wanky tbh. Like a writer or a hairdresser saying they are creative if asked what they do.

The thing is, this isn't a problem everywhere. In the end, we chose as a family away from the mono-culture of the particular school in a small town where no-one spoke to me or my husband at the school gate (at least it got round the problem of having to say what you do!) and moved into the city where the uni is, and there's more of a mix, both ethnically and in terms of what people do. It's much nicer now, no-one is that interested anyway, and our neighbours are just friendly. My husband is 'forrin' as well, which in some backwards places is also a 'big deal' and can be quite isolating. Again, not in a multi-cultural city.

I think it's quite telling that people have told the OP that she's wrong, and/or it's something about her. The UK is a very class-ridden place still, and if your face doesn't fit, it doesn't and it can be an upwards struggle to make friends/find a good social life. Social mobility is still poor. This reminds me of the threads where someone says they found it difficult to fit in at Cambridge, and everyone rounds on them and says it must be them, lots of comp student go there, and they never had any problems so there's no class issue at Oxbridge. Phew, so all that Oxbridge males from top public schools dominating public life is just in our imagination then!

I once met someone who said they 'managed the complex medical needs of paediatrics in their own environment' which she did, she was a community kids nurse. It just sounds a bit try too hard doesn't it? there's no need to over egg it.

I work at such and such university would probably do.

Yes I just say u work at X university
Someone I've known for ages only just got round to asking me what I actually do there last night :)

Completely agree it's in the job title sounds bit self important - I used to work in epidemiology, worded it various ways but always sounded bit much -eventually I used to just say I worked for the NHS.

I'm fully aware there's perhaps a knowledge gap

Very funny. I bet your plumber is fully aware that the knowledge gap works both ways. Unless you know how to install a boiler, as well as all the clever booky stuff. He also is very knowledgeable, has studied very hard, and is earning a living from what he knows. I very much doubt he's intimidated or impressed by your job and qualifications. It's your very transparent belief that the nature of your job makes you better than him that is thawing the atmosphere.

There's no need to dumb-down, that in itself is patronising. You can say, when asked, "I'm a lecturer at the university" and then move on to mutually interesting subjects, or you can decree "I'm an academic and lecturer at X University" and then bombard him with the minutae of your job in a "I'm considerably smarter than yow" tone of voice. Each approach will provoke a very different response.

I guess what I'm saying is, and I'll simplify this as I'm aware there might be a knowledge gap here, try to be less patronising and superior. People will like you infinitely more

@GameChanger01

See, I have a PhD in chemistry and an MBA. I'm a fluent French speaker and British ex-pat living in Switzerland (have also lived and worked in several far-Eastern countries). Am married to a French scientist. I also grew up in working-class Birmingham to a factory-worker Dad and dinner-lady Mum. When to a state comprehensive school. I don't have a Birmingham accent anymore due to living overseas for 10+ years, but I still consider myself a Brummie and working-class. I'd consider you to be working class too.

Unfortunately, the class system in the UK (perhaps the most unpleasant thing about the UK) is based on your background and family, not your own achievements. Despite my educational level, hobbies, cultural experiences, salary etc., I am still considered working class and looked down upon by certain members of the higher classes, some who have done absolutely fuck all with their lives and have had everything handed to them on a plate.

The class system is nasty - it judges people's worth by their luck (or not) of being born into a certain section of society. Not whether they are good people, hard-working, honest, compassionate etc. Take a look at the royal family - the pinnacle of the class system; and Prince Andrew as an example.

The old class system ensured people were kept in their place no matter their own achievements the old system is defunct the most relevant recent category of social types was published the BBC a couple years back but to be honest the whole thing is old fashioned and outdated and not suited to modern Britain.

I agree @Wishfulmakeupping

Ageee with previous posters that ‘academic researcher’ probably doesn’t mean much to people who aren’t university educated or otherwise familiar with the university system (just like a lot of academically probably aren’t familiar with the in and outs of qualifying to practice various trades). I would just say ‘I teach X’ and if pushed, follow up with ‘at uni x’ and leave it at that. If the person is particularly interested you then have the opportunity to expand.

For what it’s worth I am uni educated and married into a MC family, but I’m from a firmly WC background (first in family on both sides to go to uni). Even my MC in laws will comment when we’ve been dealing with someone we think gives an air of superiority - like the guy we met who told us he was an ‘exploratory interventionist surgical radiographer’ or similar. Could have just said surgeon....

I actually disagree that the class system is defunct to be honest, i believe ( and it is only my opinion) that its actually worse than ever.

I bet your plumber is fully aware that the knowledge gap works both ways. Unless you know how to install a boiler, as well as all the clever booky stuff. He also is very knowledgeable, has studied very hard, and is earning a living from what he knows.

Exactly this. And (depending on what you lecture in) you may well find that his knowledge has far more real world relevance than yours. Which is probably reflected in what he earns (potentially far more than you.)

Maybe the plumber was just feeling sorry for OP knowing that he makes so much more money than her?

Yea, its not common for tradespeople (highly skilled, in demand, well paid usially self-employed)) to feel in awe of academic/corporate types, is it 😂🤣

The central heating man who had such a good conversation with me about law and my being a lawyer recently from his family name I think is second generation Polish. Lots of people who move countries are very keen to "get on", earn more, join professions etc so perhaps that is why there is less of an attitude of us and them in London?

I remember an exceptionally long train journey with someone who - as everyone in the carriage went on to find out - a barrister, or an advocate she continually drawled into her phone.

I barely knew her - we were thrown together at an event, and she kept making these long, strangely one-sided phone calls about how she was an advocate and how loooong the days were and how hard she worked to be an advocate.

I felt a bit sorry for her in a way. I really don't think there was anyone at the other end of the line, and several people in the carriage were smirking at her.

Some people are really, really taken with their jobs and think other people should be as well. Nothing wrong with that, until you claim that anyone failing to be suitably impressed by your amazing job is suffering from some 'working class knowledge gap.'

Because nothing else could explain it, right?

Lots of people who move countries are very keen to "get on", earn more, join professions etc so perhaps that is why there is less of an attitude of us and them in London?

Do you think foreign people only go to London?

foreigners only go to London where the streets are paved with gold! That's why they are so tolerant there of differences...

Fun fact- the city the OP lives in is 100% white British and when someone with a funny sounding surname that could come from Rhodesia or Ceylon we all gather around to gawp at the exotic beast.

Using the word Academic just sounds self important. Members of my family are university lecturers/professors but have never used this as a job description.

Problem would probably disappear if you said you work at the university.

I’m an accountant. Try that for a conversation killing answer.

Despite my educational level, hobbies, cultural experiences, salary etc., I am still considered working class and looked down upon by certain members of the higher classes, some who have done absolutely fuck all with their lives and have had everything handed to them on a plate

I am surprised about this, because as I said above, where I live it all seems to depend on how much money you have - whether you have an expensive car and how big your house is. Nobody cares what your parents did because how would they even know?

fluffy, my niece is a chartered accountant - she said the same thing once to me - she just says she works in an office now. makes life easier!