For crying out loud, I'm not snobby! Or am I?!

[NoBreakNoProblem]

I moved to this area a year or so ago to be closer to work. It's a predominantly a working-class neighbourhood (nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones - it's just a description). Except I tried so many times to be friends with the neighbours and other parents at my child's school. Everything goes perfectly fine and pleasant until they learn about what I did for living.

It usually goes like that: what do you do? Ah, well...I'm an academic researcher/university lecturer. Then, almost every time, a deafening silence follows! Almost always, they try to avoid speaking with me afterwards. Some even stopped saying 'hi' - including the parents of my child's best friends (they came to my house a couple of times before).

For the love of God, I'm not the 'elitist' snob they think I am. Take for example this, the other day the plumber came to fix something in our house. We were chatting and having a laugh for nearly an hour. As soon as he learned what I did, his attitude changed completely and started to stonewall me by being 'too formal'. It's either they don't understand what I do, hence the silence, or think I'm that educated snob similar to those posh snobs who have driven the country's working-class into the gutter. Then again, why the stonewalling and the avoidance? I don't really speak philosophy or political science to them.

I never ever experienced this before - until I moved into this area.

Please tell me what's going on?!

[Message edited by MNHQ]

I never shove big pretentious stuff in their faces

What a strange choice of words. As strange as describing your job as an Academic. I live in a working class neighbourhood and bought my house from a pair of uni professors. Everyone in the street loved them as did I.

I’d say you probably come across pretentious

Perhaps the plumber believes in the old adage 'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach' and the awkward silence came about because he was embarrassed for the OP.

People said they were voting against the elite. grin But clearly they didn't mean the inherited wealth public school elite of farage, rees mogg, Boris, give et al, they meant I suppose the intellectual elite. They don't like universities, civil servants, scientists, arts, lawyers - clever people basically.

It's a weird chipiness

Anti-intellectualism has been increasingly a reflection of the correlation, or rather confusion, between elitism and intellectualism. And yes, for a country that has some of the best universities in the world, anti-intellectualism is disturbing

'Disturbing.' Oh how faux.

This grating little exchange probably sums up the 'problem' that the OP is having. It sounds like the kind of intense, late night 'intellect' of the new student who's just cracked open his box-fresh Morrissey tee shirt and just..like... understands things in a way that other working class knowledge gap people just don't...like understand.

@Iprefercoffeetotea

In fact, where I live now - in Switzerland, nobody actually does care. Or at least the non-British don't.

But I'll give you an example of why some people do care, as it is a way of making themselves feel superior. A couple of years ago, a young graduate joined our team at my place of work on a temporary contract. He was British and public-school educated. Some of our colleagues (all international) made the light-hearted comment that my accent was easier to understand for non-native English speakers than his. He seemed to take great offence to this, explaining to them that it couldn't possibly be the case as I had been educated at a 'shitty state school in Birmingham' (his actual words) and thus spoke English incorrectly, whilst he had attended XYZ public school and therefore spoke properly.

He was always keen to point out to me that Birmingham is a 'shithole' (despite freely admitting to have never visited) and seemed to think that despite my seniority to him in the workplace, because I am working class and he was upper middle class, he could talk down to me and be rude. He did get a shock when he wasn't offered a permanent position however. Little did he know that I'd communicated his behaviour to our management, all of whom were non-British and were appalled at his behaviour. They say revenge is sweet, and it was!

Now that's a perfect example of weird chippiness.

Bette Davis eyes, I mean, not you delta.

Not one bit chippy Humps, just amused and drawing a parallel with my own student days!

God, typing that out has made me remember what a total fucking twat he was. Should have ripped his head off and crapped in the hole really.

Hmmmm you can take the girl out of Birmingham....

shegot

I can tell

Morrissey is like well old

Even morissey fans don't wear morissey t shirts anymore, the guys a disgrace.

Even morissey fans don't wear morissey t shirts anymore, the guys a disgrace. smile

I'm not even a Morrissey fan...but he was still a thing among certain students even in the 90's

Is 58 really 'well old'?

I’ve only read the first page.

This from the OP, however, stands out as very funny:

nothing against the working class, BTW, my parents were ones

Is it worth continuing?

deltag - that made me laugh! Karma does have a funny way of biting you in the bottom - he should have his opinions to himself.

I've skimmed down so I don't know why we are now onto Mozza. But - to answer OP - just say you are a teacher. Simple.

People are chippy, especially the Brits.

Not looking down on the Brits, my parents were ones. And me though emotionally I sometimes feel more Dutch.

'People are chippy, especially the Brits. '
Yes of course we are, what a rather silly generalisation. People just don't tend to tolerate pompous people and going by the op that may the problem here, rather than his occupation.

I think maybe 58 is well old when you are a teenager

At least thats what my children say to me and I'm only forty bloody eight!!

you come across extremely snobby.

Fwiw, I work on in a similar role and have never experienced this kind of attitude. ever. I also consider myself working class - in the end of the day I work for a wage and I do long hours and the pay is not that great.

I think you probably come across rather odd, couldn't explain it otherwise.

Delta, well that young man was very rude and I don't think that necessarily correlates to school attended. Some people speak clearly and some don't.

I don’t think it’s your job at all - I mean it’s not that fancy or intellilectual is it?! It’s not working for NASA or a neurosurgeon.
I think people would react better to those jobs anyway as they actually know What they are!
It’s the way you are saying it. It sounds ridiculous! Just say you are a teacher at the university as that is what you are. Why go into more detail or give it a boring title? That’s what’s putting people off.
I don’t give away what I do for a living straight away for the reason you’ve said at the start - getting a strange reaction.

If you go to work your working class, Simple & yes you do come across very snobby. !!

OP maybe its not what you say but how you say it.

If I am trying to be polite I think I would also stop what what do you do.

It’s about confidence. I’m quite like that. I suddenly feel inferior and that I need to watch what I say. I know this is just my insecurities.

Mumsnet has gone to the dogs. It's like 'from the message boards' in Private Eye in here at the moment.

I think your response sounds a little intimidating. I used to do a similar job and would respond with 'I work at the university' then move swiftly on. If people were interested they would ask questions (I could usually find something interesting to say) and if not we'd talk about something else.

My dcs went to school with a huge variety of parents and it was never a problem. I don't think work defines us therefore wasn't particularly interested in giving it any value.

'Mumsnet has gone to the dogs. It's like 'from the message boards' in Private Eye in here at the moment.'
Oh do enlighten us, what should we be talking about if this is all so very beneath you. Why even bother commenting?