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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

451 replies

PinkJeggings · 13/12/2017 14:56

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

OP posts:
DiegoMadonna · 13/12/2017 15:52

Yes YABU. You buy for 5 children but get nothing in return. As do all the other adults.

We recently adopted this setup in my family because we were all buying for 8 adults AND a bunch of kids, and now we're only buying for the kids. Saves us all a lot of money and since we're all adults now we don't exactly need presents from each other.

Viviennemary · 13/12/2017 15:52

No you are right. This was the situation for a few years in my family. Solution was buy for children and present for person or couple with no children. That's the fairest way.

MotorwayMingebag · 13/12/2017 15:53

Get the kids a lump of coal each. Fuck'em (LIGHTHEARTED)

WitchesHatRim · 13/12/2017 16:00

Yes YABU. You buy for 5 children but get nothing in return. As do all the other adults.

You may not be benefiting but your DC are. OP has no one to benefit from this. Iyswim.

Travis1 · 13/12/2017 16:06

This would actually devastate and tip me over the edge if this was old to me. 7 years ttc will do that to you.

As for the Christmas is for kids line? Fuck. Off! Am I hell going to spend my Christmas break not doing Christmassy things and celebrating because I don;t have kids. I already know what I'm missing out on without them thanks, like hell am I going to sit at home like the grinch.

mirialis · 13/12/2017 16:08

If they were my kids and our family had this rule I'd encourage the kids to make or bake something small for you and your DH

This is very sweet and I often do some baking with the DNs... but no way would I eat anything that they've made, even though I make them wash their hands all the time when we are cooking.

Just as a hint... I don't think I'm the only child-free adult who doesn't want home-baked goods from your DC Xmas Grin

cathf · 13/12/2017 16:09

My sister had this kind of problem and she is still mad about it now!
Four cousins, three had children in the 1990s/early 2000s. As soon as kids were born, cousins agreed to only buy for children. So my sister, who was the only child-bearing cousin, lost out there. She bought for the children only.
2010, she has twins, by which time the original batch of children are late teens.
Cousin 1 and 2 then decide the children are old enough not to be bought for, ignoring the baby twins.
So my sister, who has bought for their children for up to 18 years, loses out again!
Furious, she was.

Cutesbabasmummy · 13/12/2017 16:11

We have one DS who will be three in January; my BIL and SIL law one DS who was three this September and my other BIL and SIL have 3 DS 4, 6 and 8. They get presents but they are small ones as that's all we can afford. Last year the BIL with the three boys bought both my son and his other cousin very expensive balance bikes which was a bit embarrassing for us, not least as our son already had one!

cathf · 13/12/2017 16:11

Child free not child bearing!

GingerbreadMa · 13/12/2017 16:12

My siblings and DP did this this year...but forgot to tell us Angry so we (as usual) bought for all the adults and got nothing at all from my family for DH or me! I would have gladly have participated and saved my money had I been in on it!

"Kids only" gift giving is a great idea IF everyone has kids AND its agreed/discussdd by everyone!! Otherwise its just shitty!!

Cantuccit · 13/12/2017 16:12

Yeah, I would say you'll bow out of present buying as you have no kids.

If they were decent people, they would have said let's get OP and H something as they don't have kids.

GingerbreadMa · 13/12/2017 16:13

(DP = parents not partner)

TwoBlueFish · 13/12/2017 16:14

We have a similar rule but only for siblings who have kids. The ones who are childfree still get presents.

rachrach2 · 13/12/2017 16:16

I don’t this is necessarily unreasonable - I was the last to have children and siblings all have more children so for years I was buying for up to 8 children plus their parents, but they are nieces and nephews and I loved buying for them. We do buy for adults too though. When the children reach 18 we will stop buying them presents but continue buying for the grown ups (our siblings and they husbands/wives).

Flowerpower321 · 13/12/2017 16:16

I buy for the kids of our siblings that have them and the couple themselves week are childless. Seems fair to me! They all buy for our kids.

GingerbreadMa · 13/12/2017 16:17

Anyone else notice that its always the siblings with the OLDEST kids who suggest this? i.e. the ones who had kids first and happily recieved adult AND kid presents for everyone else for years, but then when some more adults in the family have kids suddenly theyre all for "kids only" and dont want to buy the new parents anything.

ZigZagandDustin · 13/12/2017 16:18

You are totally unreasonable! They're doing you the exact same favour too because otherwise you'd have to buy for 6 adults and 5 kids.....

MumOfTwoooo · 13/12/2017 16:22

That does suck! The other parents might not have even thought of it that way, I know it can get a little overwhelming thinking about getting everyone individual gifts thats why I think suggesting a secret santa type thing could be good to get everyone involved.

Ketzele · 13/12/2017 16:22

I had my kids long after all my siblings, and found that I spent a fortune in my youth buying for my nephews and nieces, only to find my siblings had rather gone off it all by the time I had children myself... Low point came one Christmas when we had a big get-together - 20 people in all - all the nieces and nephews now young adults. I had bought a present for every single person there, and got not one thing in return. Nothing! I sat there feeling a bit sorry for myself as they all enjoyed their pile of presents. Nobody even noticed, and I couldn't find a way of saying anything that didn't sound undignified!

Original poster
PinkJeggings · 13/12/2017 16:24

Did not expect so many replies! We certainly won’t be having children for a good few years, and family know this.

OP posts:
ruleshelpcontrolthefun · 13/12/2017 16:25

DB, DS and I only buy for each others DC. We all buy something for our other, youngest DB though as he has no DC. It's "from the DC".

GrooovyLass · 13/12/2017 16:26

YANBU. You should be getting something "from the children" in return.

Dustbunny1900 · 13/12/2017 16:27

I was just thinking of this today..DHs side of the family pops out a new kid every year, wonder if the grandparents are like "for the love of god keep it in your pants, we can't afford anymore christmases at this rate!" Grin

GingerbreadMa · 13/12/2017 16:27

Exactly Ketzele. The first ones to have kids often dont return the favours. Its gutting because its basically saying that your new arrivals just arent as interesting or novel as theirs were.

Original poster
PinkJeggings · 13/12/2017 16:28

@burntwine I love this idea. Thank you. Will suggest for next year!

OP posts:
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