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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

451 replies

PinkJeggings · 13/12/2017 14:56

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

OP posts:
doze931 · 13/12/2017 15:09

My boys r 7 & 5. I always bought my bro wine and sweets or cinema voucher from the kids. This yr he has a newborn so will just buy them

MsHarry · 13/12/2017 15:09

These are your nieces and nephews and you say you have to buy for them. This means you don't want to? Nice Aunty!

AyeAyeFishyPie · 13/12/2017 15:09

That’s us. We have 8 siblings with children between us - thats 14 kids. Very rarely do we ever get anything from them back. You don’t give to receive but it would be nice to be remembered.

Pseudousername · 13/12/2017 15:11

you have your kids 5-10 years after your siblings and they stop buying for your kids when theres turn 18.

Cousin A turned 40 same year cousin B turned 18.

Cousin A's mum decided that "enough is enough, we should stop at 18, they're not kids anymore". Hmm Hmm Hmm

Nyx1 · 13/12/2017 15:11

That is not on. No gifts is one thing, but this is not on.

RandomUsernameHere · 13/12/2017 15:11

It's a tricky one, maybe they think you are planning to have children OP.
In my extended family everyone stopped giving to nephews/nieces when they turned 21 (my parents gave a nice piece of jewellery to my cousins for their 21st and stopped after that). That seems quite fair as it doesn't make a difference if you have children earlier or later than your siblings.

MsHarry · 13/12/2017 15:12

You don’t give to receive but it would be nice to be remembered.

They don't thank you?

Sensimilla · 13/12/2017 15:12

But christmas is for kids, isnt it??? Are adults really bothered about receiving crap they dont really want presents? We just buy tokens for the sale of unwrapping. But evem that is really just for the sake of the kids

NerudaIsHeaven · 13/12/2017 15:14

I know this is massively controversial on MN but I hate the whole "we only buy for the children/christmas is only for kids" brigade.

I love receiving presents from people I know they've chosen with love (nothing expensive, home made stuff or what have you) and I love choosing presents for the adults in my life too.

Obviously if you have bugger all money it's fair enough to just buy for kids. Otherwise I think it's quite tight tbh.

SouthWindsWesterly · 13/12/2017 15:16

We have the only buying for children ageeemebt but only for those with children.

YANBU

Rubies12345 · 13/12/2017 15:17

You could just stay out of it and the people with kids can buy for each other's

TheHolidayArmadillo · 13/12/2017 15:17

I don't understand the logic in complaining about this because if you did have children you still wouldn't be receiving anything yourself. The other grown ups don't get anything either so you're all on the same playing field here.

Although I don't buy the b/s that "Christmas is for kids".

mirialis · 13/12/2017 15:20

This started up years ago in my family - presents for kids only, meaning me buying presents for kids 9 kids and receiving nothing. I just stopped doing presents and cards altogether. My uncle used to only give us a big box of quality street to share amongst all the kids each year and that was fine.

I know it pisses one of the sets of parents off because they think the kids "deserve" gifts from their auntie but everyone else is fine with miserly mirialis - mainly because I babysit and spoil their kids enough throughout the year.

XiCi · 13/12/2017 15:20

The Christmas is only for kids / only buy for kids is just joyless bullshit and thankfully I've never encountered it amongst my own friends or family.

The adults in this scenario should be buying you gifts as you have no kids, in recognition and thanks for you buying for their kids. Pretty awful that they don't. And incredibly tight!

Originalfoogirl · 13/12/2017 15:23

So, don’t buy their kids gifts if you don’t want to.

JingsMahBucket · 13/12/2017 15:23

You could just stay out of it and the people with kids can buy for each other's

^^ This. I would do this. Plus what @miralis said her uncle used to do. Just buy the kids a box of chocolates to share, if the whole family gets together and that's it. If you don't normally get together, just send a box of chocolates to each house and consider it done.

NerudaIsHeaven · 13/12/2017 15:24

I agree, XiCi

morningconstitutional2017 · 13/12/2017 15:25

I was in this position and felt a bit browned off about it but it seemed churlish to complain. I'm child-free and for years myself and DH bought presents for siblings' kids and barely got a thank you in return. Now I'm widowed, they're all grown up and they get me presents, which is jolly nice thank you.

We felt as though we were being 'used', also siblings seemed to think that because you don't have children you are only too delighted to spend your hard-earned money on other peoples'. No, that only happens in fairy tales.

JingsMahBucket · 13/12/2017 15:25

Also the "Christmas is only/just for kids" line is weird. Where did that mode of thinking start? Is it because gifts were given to Baby Jeebus™ or something so then only kids should get gifts?

HopingForSomeSnow · 13/12/2017 15:26

If you're not happy with this, just buy something small; a book , a puzzle, or a T-shirt. You don't have to spend lots.

MargaretCavendish · 13/12/2017 15:26

I don't understand the logic in complaining about this because if you did have children you still wouldn't be receiving anything yourself.

But buying for someone's children is sort of a gift to them too. Especially when the children are very small. I'm going to buy my nephew a playmat this Christmas - I think it's safe to say that he won't give a toss (he's five months old) but I'm hoping his parents will be pleased with it...

alwaysthepessimist · 13/12/2017 15:26

we used to do this with my brothers children - we only bought for them and as we were childless at the time then my nieces would spend a token amount each and choose me & dh a present to give to us - now that we have a dd I still buy for my grown up nieces and they buy for our dd

NerudaIsHeaven · 13/12/2017 15:27

Also the "Christmas is only/just for kids" line is weird. Where did that mode of thinking start?

I have only encountered it on MN (and actually with my SIL and BIL who are tight fuckers)

It's like the attitude on MN that once you enter adulthood you should never ever expect any sort of gift for your birthday and it is entitled and grabby to be upset if no one buys you anything.

Bizarre.

NerudaIsHeaven · 13/12/2017 15:27

But buying for someone's children is sort of a gift to them too. Especially when the children are very small.

Speaking as someone whose toddler DS always get mounds and mounds of books we don't have space for, clothes that don't fit him and plastic tat we also don't have space for, it really really isn't.

MargaretCavendish · 13/12/2017 15:28

Also the "Christmas is only/just for kids" line is weird. Where did that mode of thinking start?

It's because some people can't imagine any point/joy to life without children and so are very happy to declare that various things (including Christmas) are only given meaning by parenthood. Completely bizarrely, lots of people hold this view but also think that infertile people are just bitter and making a big fuss. Go figure.

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