“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

[PinkJeggings]

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

I find it odd that you are on mumsnet without kids? I assumed it was for people with kids already?

I came upon this a few years ago and because I had just split from my husband I would have ended up with nothing for Christmas. We also realised that my siblings families were expanding and grandchildren list getting longer!
We decided to do a secret Santa per family. It has worked great as it’s up to you how the agreed amount is split. Some years we’ve had a voucher for family meals or theatre tickets or the children have a lot spent and the adults get a nice box of chocolates. Also keeps the cost down for everyone.

Op if it grates on you that much then stop buying for the kids. Simple solution.

I find it odd that you are on mumsnet without kids? I assumed it was for people with kids already?

So who are the TTC threads for then, Tilly? Only for people who already have kids?

No, we decided to just buy for the children as as parents, we get more joy on seeing them open them. But for others with no kids, I buy for them as I know it’s not about tit for tat but I think it shows appreciation for the time they have taken to choice a gift for the kids

This may be news to you too Tilly but there’s men on here too, not just mums,!

Apologies if this has been said already, but the thing about only buying for the kids... how do you teach the kids about giving? Are there loads of kids out there who are being given presents from aunties/uncles/grandparents etc, without ALSO being involved in choosing and wrapping presents? That just seems bizarre to me. A big part of my children's Christmas preparations is spending time thinking about what they want to give to their relatives. I don't spend a lot on my childless siblings (who probably all have more disposable income that we do) but it would never occur to me not to give them anything.

YANBU. I think Christmas is for anyone of any age who'd like to celebrate it. I have one relative who buys for the youngest generation in each family, and if a couple have no children, they receive a gift themselves.

If you're way the youngest, and have loads less money than anyone else, then I think this is really crappy of them.

I say that as someone who has kids and doesn't buy adults presents outside the family either. But I never expected them to buy any for mine! Once friends have kids and so do you, then you start swapping presents, but that's it.

I think you should politely explain that you can't afford to buy all the kids presents this year, and leave it at that. Then the tradition is broken and you don't have to next year, either.

Honestly, I'm appalled they involved you in this at all. It's one thing to say to fellow family parents that you want to stick to kids only, but to adults who don't yet have kids, with the clear implication that they should treat yours but get zip in return? Eff off.

YANBU.

I presumed the clue was in the name, just thought op might get more balanced view elsewhere as most have kids so view things differently, once your house is full of tat not getting more is least of worries!

Oh, and I'm the oldest of the sibs/cousins, and had kids first, too. I have never expected presents for my two. Not from anyone, actually, outside grandparents. It's a lovely surprise and very kind when people do bother.

Yes, guess there just isn't equivalent for guys? Would never have joined before kids and dh wouldnt think to join a mums group. Maybe you should start a dadsnet? Or parentnet? Likewise I'm not on gransnet as wouldn't think of it.

Sadly some people are just tight. They expect you to buy for their children but are too lazy/miserly to return the favour. They'll trot out some line about Christmas just being for children.

I honestly believe that everyone deserves a gift. Even just a token.

Yes, guess there just isn't equivalent for guys? Would never have joined before kids and dh wouldnt think to join a mums group. Maybe you should start a dadsnet? Or parentnet? Likewise I'm not on gransnet as wouldn't think of it.

Tillybilly

Go and post a thread in AIBU saying 'AIBU for thinking MN is just for mums?' and see the response you get.

Do you mean to sound so condescending?

And a word of advice, next time someone basically says they are trouble having kids, try a more sensitive response than 'it is odd you are on MN without kids.'

This is my first Christmas as a Mum and for the last 10 or so years we’ve only bought for the kids. It never occurred to me to feel disgruntled that I wasn’t getting anything in that time! YABU

Apologies if this has been said already, but the thing about only buying for the kids... how do you teach the kids about giving? Are there loads of kids out there who are being given presents from aunties/uncles/grandparents etc, without ALSO being involved in choosing and wrapping presents? That just seems bizarre to me. A big part of my children's Christmas preparations is spending time thinking about what they want to give to their relatives. I don't spend a lot on my childless siblings (who probably all have more disposable income that we do) but it would never occur to me not to give them anything.

This. Giving gifts is so important. My DDs love wrapping presents for other family members, as well as for school friends when invited to their parties. I just wouldn't conceive of not giving somebody a present if I was seeing them at Christmas, it seems very tight.

We buy just for the children for couples with, and for the couple without we buy a gift each as we don't feel it's fair they fork out for our children and get nothing in return.

Since you don't have any children, if you don't wish to buy for the children of others, don't. I bought presents for my nephew and niece up to age of 21. For other important birthdays such as 30 and 40 I send a cheque for that amount. I am still awaiting a thank you from my niece for a cheque I sent her for her 40th birthday last January. My sister has also not said thank you for the cheque I sent her for her important birthday in October.

I'd say you've been so moved by all the childrens charities that, knowing your lovely nephews and neices get so much at christmas, you've decided to donate to charityx/y/z and have bought them ' a toilet/donkey/freshwaterwell' etc. That'll do it. No more gifts for them and next year ( if the children are old enough) get them involved in picking the charity with you. It will be the best gift you know is going to deserving cause...and no more gifts for them if you feel so strongly about it.

I bought gifts for every child on my husbands side of the family til each was 18, birthday gifts, easter eggs and christmas gifts. When my own two children came along ( a good 10 years later) well, they have received exactly nothing from any of their aunts and uncles on that side of the family ever. Not one solitary time.
I dont buy gifts to expect them in return for my children...but it seems unfair on my two to miss out as they have. It isnt an economic issue, nor a distance issue. They just dont give, when in the past I certainly did...and it's irksome when the giving isnt reciprocal. YANBU to feel this way, but YABU not to ease the new 'no gifts' rule cold- if you have given before. Handled well you come up smelling of roses and looking very philanthropic!!

I have one brother and we just buy for kids but I would want to even if I’d no kids as I adore my niece and nephew and love seeing their happy faces.

Oh same here!

Getting very fed up too indeed - not only Christmas, christenings, birthdays too! Happy to buy for my Neices and nephews don’t get me wrong, have 4 of them! I like to buy presents for them. But it’s costs more and more each year as they are getting older and no Thank yous at all either from my Brother and SIL.
Last Xmas we spend £50 each on them so that’s £200, no issue with that, my DH got a 2.99 lynx shower set from Superdrug and I go a awful scarf that prob cost a £5!
But DB can buy SIL family lovely presents and spend a lot of money on them! This year i said I’m sorry but we are going through a difficult time with renovating the new house, currently living in a caravan!! Si can’t afford to exchange gifts, I will get them all something small as a token to open!

My siblings are both in their 30s, they do not have kids. I'd be quite upset if they didn't buy my kids presents. They're all married. have good jobs. Own home and car etc. They prob spend the same amount of money on fags per week as it would to buy a present. Not jealous 😝😳