“Let’s only buy for the children” Yet DH & I are the only ones childfree!

[PinkJeggings]

Four couples: three with DC and us without. All either my siblings or DH’s siblings.

The longstanding agreement is to only buy for the children. So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

AIBU to have a little moan?

When me and dh had no children we bought for our nieces and nephews but not sisters, brothers, sil or bil but they still got us gifts till we had our own children and then they stopped buying for us and started buying for our kids.

Aargh.
It's not moaning about presents.
It's about recognising that it's not just about kids and for some posters to be saying it's just for children is insensitive at best.
And if someone buys lots of presents for other relatives and doesn't receive anything? That's pretty shitty whatever you look at it.

I'd think it a blessing if I was spared from receiving tat I don't want.

OP You can have my presents if you want.

Oh, and if you don't want to buy presents unless you get bought a present back, just don't buy anybody a present. Problem solved. Happy Christmas!

This happened to me before I met my dh and my 2 married brothers put this in place but still buy for my dm as ddad had passed away. I got upset as I was all alone and felt like they hadn’t thought of me. Once I met my dh though it wouldn’t have bothered me as we buy for each other. Strangely enough when it came to me having kids there were no birthday presents or Christmas presents for my kids even though I was still getting theirs presents and were now into their teens. I did get upset for my kids that they couldn’t be bothered.

Gift giving should be gratuitous. It is not barter transaction where you monitor whether or not you are getting a good deal. You give because you want to.

It is optional. If you don't want buy gifts for the kids, don't but it is rude to moan about not getting stuff.

But because it is not a transaction, I don't like present giving deals although there is inevitably a degree of tacit reciprocation. You decide if you want to buy a gift for me, and if so how much you want to spend and I will decide for you. Obviously, whether you buy me a gift will be factored into my decision of whether to buy for you next year.

We used to have similar thing so one year I spoke to a family member I got on with and after that the couples with children all chipped in a couple of quid to buy me and DH a bottle of summat - we were happy with that.

Same in my family but those with kids buy something (albeit small) for those without kids.

So DH and I have to buy presents for five children. And we get nothing back in return!

Honestly, how often do Christmas presents end up being just what you wanted? Really, who needs presents?

I think yabu.
If/ when you do have children, your siblings will presumably buy for your children. So you will get your 16 years worth of gifts from family when their family have all grown up.

Try to embrace the festive season.

I would just buy a tin of Cadbury's heroes or Roses for each family. Job done!

I decided this year to not buy presents for the grown-ups at all, and instead I've donated to a local homeless charity. I'd suggest that instead of buying presents for your nieces and nephews, you make a charitable donation instead. Let your siblings know that that is what you have decided to do, and ask them if perhaps they would consider doing the same.

If it's about the money, can't you just buy them all something cheap like one of those selection packs in the shape of a stocking? You can't seriously want lots of presents from people who probably don't know what you want. Even if you got presents, you would still be spending your money on presents for the children, and you almost certainly wouldn't want half the gifts you got, so it's not like it would be cash back.

Gift giving is not supposed to be a tit-for-tat transaction.

Another thing I’m finding weird on this thread- the idea that, until you have children, you are treated as a child. Wtf is that about? Realise that it makes the financial outlay/receipts more even but still?!

Present politics are such a nightmare. It was me that asked if we could just buy for the kids in our family. But I don't expect my brother (who has no kids) to buy for our kids. And we still do a secret Santa for the adults so it's equal.

I think the fact that most of the people on the forum have kids is going to bias the views you get back.

I wonder how much of the MN traditional chorus of 'how dare you want anyone to give you a gift ever' is to do with the idea that women should always put themselves last, give their time, money and thought to others but never expect anything in return...

What do you imagine you are missing out on?

A bottle of wine? Chocolates? Socks? Embarrassing pants?

Come off it? If you don't like it don't buy for their kids.

You have a 'give to receive' attitude which stinks

Sorry, i haven't read all responses as there is a LOT!!!! - I used to buy for 2 God daughters when I was childless, and their mum - my friend - bought me a gift in exchange. It had never been discussed, she just did it. Now her kids are adults I no longer buy them ... I have 2 DC now and she buys for them, so I buy for her. It will stop when my youngest turns 21. My best friend is childless and buys for my 2 so I spend the equivalent on her. I like to do it.

I think everyone is missing the point of gifts, they are meant as a token of affection. Don't give in order to receive, out of obligation or pressure. Give what you want to nothing more. Once you are a parent/adult you don't normally get many gifts anyway. They might assume this is the case regardless of children. Most people are glad not to have the clutter. If you really resent it say something to parents and move on.

Regarding the OP and her siblings, present giving and receiving between adults was presumably important to those adults at one time otherwise no one would've been buying presents in the first place in order to bring in a kids-only rule now. So who are they to decide that suddenly it's not important whether OP receives something just because their family members will still be benefitting?

YANBU.

I don't have kids, and it looks like it's not going to happen for me and DH.

I always bought lovely birthday and Christmas presents for my nieces and nephews and gave them money on special occasions, but I never got back so much as a text on my birthday from my siblings. And definitely no card or present.

On one of my birthdays, my friends threw me a party. My brother found out and asked me what was the plan for his DC i.e. what was I organising for them. On MY birthday.

That's when I realised that I could give them all the presents and money in the world, but that they would never be satisfied and they would always feel entitled to things from me. I cut down on present giving, and they soon engineered a falling out.

To all the people saying it's about the kids, please don't assume that all families are like yours. Sometimes it really is healthy to stop giving presents.

Most people are glad not to have the clutter

I don't allow a nice bottle of wine to "clutter" up my home for long, so actually I'm very easy to buy for and very happy to receive Christmas presents thank very much, even though I'm a child-free adult.