To myself? Such guilt about giving up breast feeding.

[QueenAmongstMen]

I have a 16 week old baby boy who means the world to me.

On day 7 of life breast feeding was unbearable, I had cracked bleeding nipples and I was crying in pain during every feed. I had him assessed for tongue tie and he had a very severe one so I had it snipped at 9 days of age.

We continued to have feeding difficulties so I kept getting him reassessed and started going to cranial Osteopath sessions due to problems with his neck and positioning and it helped massively.

By this point he was also on ranitidine for silent reflux.

At a GP appointment to have him reviewed the doctor suggested my baby may have an allergy to dairy as he also suffered from eczema on his face and his weight gain was quite slow. He advised I remove all dairy from my diet and to see how things go.

I have been dairy free for 3 weeks now and things did improve but over the last week or so breast feeding him has become nothing but a source of worry, stress and tears. He screams all the time, he doesn't want to breast feed, he has diarrhoea every day, he doesn't enjoy it and he's still reacting to something in my milk but I don't know what. It kills me seeing him in so much pain. Last night he was screaming for over an hour and I just sat there in tears.

I know breast milk is best but this can't be best for him. It's not for me either, I worry every day, I cry every day, I practically starve myself because I'm too scared to eat anything in case he reacts to it and I'm just exhausted.

Last night, amongst the screaming and my tears I said to my husband that I just couldn't cope anymore and this situation isn't fair to anyone and I think we should put him on a specialised formula which a doctor had previously suggested.

I'm absolutely beside myself with it all. I cry when I see him in pain because I know it's my fault and I cry at the thought of putting him on formula because I feel like I'm letting him down.

I belong to an online support group for allergies and these women are dairy free, soy free, egg free, gluten free, wheat free, fish free, banana free, nut free and a whole host of other foods and I just couldn't cope with that but then I feel selfish because I'm putting my needs and feelings above giving my baby breast milk.

I'm just so worn down by it and I feel like such a failure.

I know I need to ring the GP today to sort out getting the formula but I know I'm just going to cry down the phone.

I'm part of another Facebook group who have been so, so supportive and are reassuring me I'm doing the right thing and I know they're right because I just can't take it anymore. The last 4 months of feeding him just haven't been enjoyable at all but I feel like I'm a bad mom because I'm stopping trying.

Has anyone else been in this situation? It's killing me

I just couldn't get mine to latch on so we switched to formula and he was fine. Baby number 2 probably would have latched on eventually but I didn't persevere. Both were ultimately formula fed and they both had infantile eczema which they both grew out of and neither of them have allergies to dairy. My first one was a bit colic-y though and he would scream at some point between 4 and 7 every day. Sometimes for a little while, sometimes for 3 hours. He grew out of that too at around 16 weeks. Good luck with your wee bundle and try not to feel guilty when ultimately you are doing everything in your power for his benefit.

My first one also had a slight tongue tie and took to bottles like a duck to water.

You’ve given your baby the best start and lots of people don’t get as far as you have and stop at the bleeding/cracked nipples - you have done so well! Please don’t feel guilty about switching to formula.

The most important thing is that you are happy and able to care for your baby regardless of what kind of milk you give. Doesn’t sound like you are happy and the moment and I think it’s about time you fixed that. Happy Mum - happy baby.

But the good news is that if it all related to his tongue tie and not an allergy then I won't have to switch to formula.

I am still open to a possible allergy though, I'm not dismissing the possibility so I've just had a tiny amount of chocolate and I'm going to see if DS reacts in any way.

Omg you are def being U to yourself! My DS had reflux and a tongue tie that didn't improve after the snip. It's bloody hard work wrestling a writhing hungry baby who's in agony and trying to keep them latched on, even harder when out and about. I didn't even have the allergies to contend with and I found it one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I combi fed after a couple weeks. You are doing so brilliantly and it is absolutely ok to stop the breastfeeding if that is what you want to do. I'm a big believer in happy mum = happy baby. Xxx

Hope the chocolate didn’t make a difference (so you can have lots more! ) I remember someone on here talking about their baby not having their tongue tie snipped properly the first time and they went and had it done privately. Quite a few people shared similar stories so you wouldn’t be alone. Hopefully it is something that can be easily fixed.

I had the chocolate (three whole bits) and a battered scallop from the chippy! I really pushed the boat out

He slept well, there haven't been any flare ups on his skin and he's woken up smiling

I think I'm going to brave a cup of tea later with real milk!!

Yay! 😊

How did you get on at the weekend Queen?

It's been a rollercoaster.

Yesterday afternoon, after 48 hours had passed since I had eaten the three advent calendar chocolates and DS was still fine I decided to be a bit braver. I thought in order to see if he has a definite intolerance I need a bigger intake of dairy so I had a large chocolate milkshake.

Immediately after my milkshake I changed his nappy and saw he had a red rash over his chest and abdomen and I immediately assumed he'd reacted to the advent calendar chocolates. I then started panicking about the fact I'd just downed that milkshake and how it was going to affect him.

In the 48 hours before the rash appeared he'd been perfectly fine, smiling, happy and all his nappies had been normal.

My friend saw the rash and she said she thought it looked more viral than an allergic reaction to something.

Last night before bed the rash had faded a little and he slept well last night, no different to how he normally is. Nappies remained normal.

This morning he has woken up happy and the rash is barely visible. Nothing about him screamed that he'd had any kind of reaction, especially seeing as I'd had the milkshake.

I then went downstairs where my other son was looking pretty miserable. He came over for a cuddle and he felt really hot so I checked his temperature and it was 38. He also had a rash appearing on his chest. I wondered if it was just a coincidence or whether my baby's rash was in fact viral and not a reaction.

I've been to have his tongue tie repaired this morning and the nurse doing it said she also thinks the rash is viral.

So to be fair, I'm still none the wiser.

I'm debating whether to have a cheesy pizza and really push the dairy boat out to see if anything happens....

The most important thing is that your DS is getting the nourishment he needs to gain weight and grow. If that’s formula from a bottle than so be it. I would be far more worried about the damage caused by my baby being underfed for a long period and being stressed than I would be about breast or formula. FWIW I breastfed DD1 for twice as long as DD2 and DD1 is the one who catches everything going.

I just thought I'd send you a quick pose to (perhaps) reassure you a little. My mother, husband, brother in law, niece, 2nd cousin and I were all formula fed. We are all very healthy etc. Frankly it would be impossible to tell by looking at us alongside those who were bf who was on formula and who was bf. Don't stress about just do your best to look after your little one and all will be well!

Great news about getting the tongue tie sorted.

I reckon you would have seen a big reaction to the milkshake by now nappy-wise if he was going to have one. Mine were always fairly quick when I slipped up! So that’s promising! Maybe give it a few days and then have a pizza night? Or maybe hang on until after Christmas to minimise the potential risk of crankiness if he’s been really settled for the last few days? It sounds good so far 😊

And yes, if your other son had the rash and fever then it probably was viral rather than a reaction. The baby may have gotten it milder because of the bf. :)

Ignore the breast feeding heroes that will only eat 10 foods for 10 months. They will regret that when they start to lose their hair etc. 10 foods can not give you a full spectrum.

The thing your baby needs the most is a Mum who isn't at the end of her tether. Stop the guilt OP, you sound great.

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling much more positive this evening.

Since having his procedure this morning my son has had three really good breast feeds, the best he's had in weeks. The lady who did the procedure has wrote a letter for my GP and HV to say that's probably why his weight gain was so poor and she wouldn't expect to see a significant gain for another 2-3 weeks. He's having his next weigh-in appointment on Wednesday and whereas I was dreading it I now feel much happier because I know there's an explanation now.

In terms of the allergy I'm still confused about it all. I analyse every nappy and if it's a bit of an odd one then I immediately worry its an allergy whereas realistically it could be many things. He's teething at the moment which isn't helping and the practitioner I saw today did say that as he's been getting lots of foremilk and little hindmilk then that will have affected his nappies too.

I think I'm definitely going to have to eat a pizza just so I can get a definite answer.

I will wait until the rash goes and then I'm going to go to ASDA's "create your own" pizza and order something delicious with extra cheese!!!

Sounds like a good plan! Great news about the feeds!

Wow, that's amazing. Who would have known it could make such a difference?

I am really rooting for you and hope this continues to improve!

Thank you Bertie

The difference in how wide he can open his mouth post procedure is phenomenal!

He's feeding for about three times longer than he was previously and is much more settled at the breast.

My other son appears to have broken out in hand, foot and mouth type spots though his rash has faded. Baby still has a slight rash but is very, very faint.

My gut is telling me he doesn't have an allergy but I wish I could just know for sure.

It's been a week now since the Nutramigen was prescribed and I still haven't collected it from the Chemists - I will do tomorrow though as I suppose I can't just leave it there and there's nothing to say I wont need it.

Last time I saw my HV I just burst into tears because I was stressed about his supposed allergies plus the fact I was tired and starving and worried because he wasn't gaining weight very well so I'm hoping when I see her tomorrow things will be much better.

That's brilliant! The procedure made absolutely no difference to my baby but I know it can make a huge difference to some so that's such good news. Sorry it took so long to get it done, it should have been picked up earlier.

It was originally done when he was 9 days old but it reattached.

It's my own fault I didn't pick up on problems this time round but my head was full of all this allergy palaver that absolutely nothing else has even registered. In hindsight he's been showing signs of reattachment for weeks but I thought it was all allergy related because that's what the GP had been telling me.

When I took him to get re-assessed last week and she told me how poor his tongue function was and then listed all the signs/symptoms and behaviours that are related to tongue-tie my mind just cleared. All the symptoms he was having that the GP was using to say he had an allergy were in fact most likely due to his tongue tie coming back.

Even though I knew his weight gain was slowing it didn't occur to me to think it was his tongue because I just kept getting told it was because of his allergies.

I feel a bit angry/disappointed in myself for not realising there were feeding difficulties earlier but the only thing I could focus on was allergies, allergies and allergies. The GP has drummed it into me for so long I couldn't even see what was staring me in the face.

Hopefully now it has been picked up and treated things can start to return to normal.

Bless you. No need to blame yourself. Hope you cab start to enjoy your baby a bit more now and that the allergy thing was a false alarm.