To myself? Such guilt about giving up breast feeding.

[QueenAmongstMen]

I have a 16 week old baby boy who means the world to me.

On day 7 of life breast feeding was unbearable, I had cracked bleeding nipples and I was crying in pain during every feed. I had him assessed for tongue tie and he had a very severe one so I had it snipped at 9 days of age.

We continued to have feeding difficulties so I kept getting him reassessed and started going to cranial Osteopath sessions due to problems with his neck and positioning and it helped massively.

By this point he was also on ranitidine for silent reflux.

At a GP appointment to have him reviewed the doctor suggested my baby may have an allergy to dairy as he also suffered from eczema on his face and his weight gain was quite slow. He advised I remove all dairy from my diet and to see how things go.

I have been dairy free for 3 weeks now and things did improve but over the last week or so breast feeding him has become nothing but a source of worry, stress and tears. He screams all the time, he doesn't want to breast feed, he has diarrhoea every day, he doesn't enjoy it and he's still reacting to something in my milk but I don't know what. It kills me seeing him in so much pain. Last night he was screaming for over an hour and I just sat there in tears.

I know breast milk is best but this can't be best for him. It's not for me either, I worry every day, I cry every day, I practically starve myself because I'm too scared to eat anything in case he reacts to it and I'm just exhausted.

Last night, amongst the screaming and my tears I said to my husband that I just couldn't cope anymore and this situation isn't fair to anyone and I think we should put him on a specialised formula which a doctor had previously suggested.

I'm absolutely beside myself with it all. I cry when I see him in pain because I know it's my fault and I cry at the thought of putting him on formula because I feel like I'm letting him down.

I belong to an online support group for allergies and these women are dairy free, soy free, egg free, gluten free, wheat free, fish free, banana free, nut free and a whole host of other foods and I just couldn't cope with that but then I feel selfish because I'm putting my needs and feelings above giving my baby breast milk.

I'm just so worn down by it and I feel like such a failure.

I know I need to ring the GP today to sort out getting the formula but I know I'm just going to cry down the phone.

I'm part of another Facebook group who have been so, so supportive and are reassuring me I'm doing the right thing and I know they're right because I just can't take it anymore. The last 4 months of feeding him just haven't been enjoyable at all but I feel like I'm a bad mom because I'm stopping trying.

Has anyone else been in this situation? It's killing me

Nutramigen can still cause a reaction sometimes if they're very sensitive. It did in mine so we tried Neocate but it's really quite horrible smelling stuff and my bottle refuser was just having none of it. Don't mean to be a downer , I didn't try very hard to be fair, it was easier to just restrict my diet.

I would continue to pump in case he doesn't take well to formula, just pump and dump, this way if he doesn't take the formula, you don't need to worry about establishing supply again. Good luck

I wouldn’t dump what you pump just yet. If you stay with bf or mix feed or whatever then they can be useful to have. Or there may be a milk bank you could donate to.

When you pick up the formula from the pharmacy tomorrow see if they have some of those brown latex teats - some babies take to them better because apparently the texture is more like skin.

There are other feeding options like syringe, spoon, open cup etc and can then try with a bottle once he's open to the idea of drinking from something else!

PPs are right, this is a puzzle you're going to work out, you don't have control over every aspect of it and the answer might not look like what you'd pictured but I know you'll find the right answer for your boy in the end.

Crikey woman! Get that baby a bottle and pour yourself a BIG glass of wine!!
I've been there with our first. I cried, I sobbed, I talked to everyone and felt I had to justify him being on prescription formula ALL the time. Turns out most people don't have an opinion on the matter!
Yes. Breast milk is wonderful stuff. But it is NOT the only wonderful thing. Enjoying your parenting journey and enjoying your child are so much more important in the long run. You are not a failure. You have done everything you can and more than many. You've done an amazing job but sometimes babies have intolerances and it is not an easy journey.

And always remember, no matter how you feed them as babies... they'll still find and eat whatever they find on the car floor!

Thank you so much to everyone who has offered such lovely words of support and reassurance.

Part of me doesn't think he has an allergy, when one GP first suggested it and told me to go dairy free I didn't bother as nothing about my baby made me think he had an allergy. About two weeks after that the cranial Osteopath I see spoke to me about his reflux and how uncomfortable he is at the breast (she watched me feed him) and she also suggested going dairy free. Numerous women in my breast feeding group have gone dairy free to help with reflux and said it made such a difference and so I figured I would give it a go.

In three weeks I've gone to a baby who I thought was ok to now having a baby who has allergies (apparently) and about to give up breast feeding. I don't even know what's what anymore. I don't know if I'm imagining signs and symptoms that don't exist, or I'm assigning all cries and behaviours to this allergy I'm told he has when in fact it could be for lots of other reasons.

I really can't take all the confusion and second guessing anymore. Part of me questions whether it's a dairy allergy because surely if it was I would have seen an improvement by now?

DS's latch is also bad at times and he's difficult and reluctant to feed but he's also teething.....so how do I know if he's acting that way because he's teething or because he's in pain from something I've eaten?

One GP told me that as his eczema on his face was bad it was another indication that he was CMPA yet two weeks later another doctor told me that as his eczema was no better following me going dairy free then it wouldn't be related to my diet and I should just go back to having dairy. I've since had some emollients and steroid creams and his eczema has pretty much cleared up which implies it was just innocent eczema, not a side effect of a dairy allergy?

This is how my life is now, I analyse every single thing - I go over it again and again, round in circles.

I'm going to speak to my GP about it all tomorrow and ask what the basis is for the allergy diagnosis because I'm not convinced. I would absolutely hate to give up breast feeding because I've been filled with ideas of allergies when actually it's just a case of increasing his reflux medication and accepting his poor feeding at the moment is because of pain from teething and nothing more sinister.

But at the same time I think he must have an allergy because sometimes his poos are horrendous, they are just a bit thicker than water's consistency and a funny green/yellow colour, but again is this because of teething?

I'm honestly driving myself mad with it all.

Is it not best to at least try the special formula for both of your sakes? Honestly the pressure you are putting on yourself over carrying on BF is too much.

Surely it would be better to try another option on the off chance it would make your baby more comfortable?

I do intend to use the formula because for whatever reason breast feeding isn't working.

I guess it's a case of deciding whether to go straight for the specialised formula or whether to try normal formula if the GP now thinks there isn't an allergy.

As Sod's law would have it we've had a lovely peaceful bedtime and DS is currently comfortable and settled at the breast and having a nice long feed.

I swear these babies like to mess with our head

How long have you been dairy free and have you been checking all packaging etc? I know unfortunately from friends who've been through this it can take weeks to see any difference and then the slightest bit of accidental dairy will cause a flare up again :(

But I do absolutely know what you mean about dairy free being touted as this cure all when sometimes it comes across as a bit quacky - and if it's not making a difference perhaps it's worth looking at other things.

Is it worth waiting a week and trying him on some little bits of solids to see if anything there causes a noticeable reaction, given that you can separate foods out much easier than wondering what exactly it is you've eaten which has caused an issue? Solids can also help with reflux because they take longer to digest so similar concept to the comfort/staydown milks basically. Again may be worth dropping previous ideas about waiting as long as possible etc and looking at the (safe) possibilities to try.

Strange that you say in three weeks he's gone from being OK to having all of these issues. What was it that caused you to ask for advice initially?

Nice that he's settled tonight at least :) Perhaps you can mix formula and breast, it might ease the pressure a bit? Giving him some formula doesn't mean that you can never breastfeed again, you can keep offering milk/expressing if you want to. OTOH a clean break might be easier to get your head around. Sorry if this has all just caused even more overthinking

@QueenAmongstMen I hope you get some answers.
Just to reassure you, if it is Cmpa most children do outgrow it. My son still won't drink milk and doesn't like milkshakes etc but he manages it on his cereal and likes yogurt and cheese. It doesn't make him ill anymore. He outgrew it at 2.5/3 slowly

Well isn't it Sod's Law that last night was the best night I've had in about 2-3 weeks.

He went to sleep really easily at the beginning of the night (7pm ish) and we haven't had a single episode of crying or screaming overnight. Normally each night he's waking up with horrendous painful wind but he's slept soundly all night. He's woken up three times for a feed and each time he's fed well....no signs of if pain, no squirming, he's been comfortable in my arms and feeding for normal lengths of time as opposed to just 1-2 minutes like he had all day.

I just don't understand it.

You aren’t giving up. You are taking the best course of action for you and your baby. Please try not to be so hard on yourself.

He obviously doesn't want you to have a moment of peace! An allergy wouldn't disappear, maybe get a prescription for formula but keep breastfeeding. I would boil a bit of bishops weed and give him few drops of water, is fantastic for wind.

I didn’t have allergy issues but had tongue tie and other problems which made breast feeding incredibly difficult and stressful. I found I was resenting some time I spent with baby as I was so worried they would want to feed again and I knew something wasn’t right. I had always assumed I would breastfeed and was convinced I’d be letting baby down if I didn’t.. however, when I quit my baby put on weight, I cried a lot less and we could work on enjoying time together and I could finally feel comfortable she was eating.

Now it seemed like the obvious answer, but it was incredibly hard and I felt so guilty. It always gets overlooked but your emotional well-being and physical health is incredibly important in all of this and you have to do what you feel is right for you as well.

I just saw that about his poo. Green poo can be normal for a breastfed baby, my DS had it sometimes. No allergies, but I did have oversupply. Do you?

You need to give yourself a break.

Fed is best.

I have a 16 weeker, he's on prescription milk because he was early, ill and my milk dried up.

I would really, really struggling trying to cut food from my diet even without the BF'ing. We still have nightfeeds and I'm still constantly exhausted.

I’m glad you had a better night last night OP!

Breastfeeding an allergy baby is really bloody tough, especially when it takes a while for the allergen to get out of your milk and you feel like you’re doing it all wrong.

If you want to move onto formula for your peace of mind, then don’t have any guilt in doing so. If you are in a rut and having a tough time but think that you would regret your decision, maybe slowly introduce the formula and see how you feel. That way you won’t be left thinking “oh shit I wish I hadn’t done that” and not having your milk anymore.

Also, ignore the self righteous buggers who can survive on 10 foods. Not everyone can do that, I’d like to think that I could but if I was honest with myself I couldn’t. I find it hard enough with the few allergens we have to avoid.

Good luck.

Neocate.
Dr Neil Shah at great Ormond st. is treating reflux babies with better more advanced protocol than rantitidine/omeprazole/go away. go see him!

eczema definitely sounds like cmpa.

xxxxxxx

Oh that’s great news that he settled better last night! Maybe it was teeth. Mine could be so fussy when he was teething. Or when he had wind! It really would be much easier if they could just talk and tell us what’s wrong! 😐 Take each day as it comes and try not to over think (easier said than done I know!).

I've just got back from the doctors and I cried as soon as I walked into his room. I'm just so upset about all this.

We talked about all my concerns and my son's symptoms and it definitely seems like he has CMPI. He went through the clinical guidelines of CMPI and all the signs that indicate the condition and my son does fit a lot of them.

I cried about three times when I was in there and the GP said he's more worried about me than he is my son.

He gave me a prescription for Nutramigen which I've got to collect from the pharmacy tomorrow.

I've never felt so much as a failure. It's ridiculous I know but I can't help it.

Oh you’re not a failure at all. ((Hug)) I had CMPA as a baby and it was completely missed. I was a miserable little baby and my mum still beats herself up about it now. It just made more aware when I had mine and I did have to do the elimination diet (although I’ve never eaten much dairy so it wasn’t a massive change for me) At least you know now and you can make the changes you need. If he settled last night then it may already be making a difference. You’re doing a great job. Don’t be so hard on yourself. This baby stuff is tough!

Jesus Christ I cannot believe people get themselves into such a state over BF!

I tried with my first DS and for various reasons it wasn't to be, so switched to exclusive formula before 6 months. I have absolutely zero guilt whatsoever and as a PhD-qualified scientist, I'm happy and confident I made the right decision for us.

Totally anecdotal and thus virtually meaningless in reality, but I was given formula and my sibling was EBF and left school with no qualifications. The point I'm trying to make is, when we're grown up, who can tell the difference? Who even knows or cares by then?

Give yourself a break OP!

OP, are you sure you don't have PND? Your reaction and the constant crying over irrational things don't sound normal.

Delta - I'm absolutely fine otherwise, I'm just very disappointed because I so desperately wanted to breast feed.

But it is what it is.

My GP said his son had had CMPI and he saw his wife react exactly the same and that I shouldn't be too hard on myself. He's told me to go and buy lots of chocolate, "Doctors orders!"

I will be ok - it's just hard coming to terms with it. I'm just really upset things have had to end this way.

Un-MNy hugs, Queen. Chocolate is definitely called for. You've done a fantastic job and you will continue to do so, just in a different way.