To have thought we were well past calling gender dysmorohia a "mental illness"

[mostlikelyanunpopularviewpoint]

Just that really.

My male friend (who is quite young, early twenties) has recently confided in me that he is transgender and wishes to transition into presenting as female. As my friend still refers to himself as 'he' as he is not openly transgender, I shall refer to my friend as 'he' in this post to keep things simple.

What worries me is that he is feeling suicidal, has no support apart from my friend group and is generally in a need of a lot of help right now. Hence I feel annoyed at what happened.

One of our mutual friends who my friend has also told turned around and said to me, "he needs help, it's just a mental illness and he can recover from it and live a normal life."

AIBU to be unhappy at this statement and to think that although obviously this is a very controversial subject, with many different opinions on how integrate trans rights without compromising the rights of biological woman, in this day and age it is not acceptable to refer to someone who identifies as transgender as "mentally ill?"

Also would like to add that this thread is not to debate the rights of transgender people vs woman. I believe there are several threads like for this discussion at the moment, hence my AIBU pertains literally to the fact that I find it unacceptable to call being transgender "a mental illness" which implies it is temporary and is something a person can recover from!

I honestly thought this was discriminatory and that most people do NOT see being transgender as a mental illness?

Yes it's an echo chamber and it's widespread. Which, as please said can be really unfortunate for people struggling through this.

Gender dysphoria is a mental illness. Mental illnesses don't have to be curable - look at schizophrenia, personality disorders, the vast majority of which don't get cured.

If it's not an illness, then treatment wouldn't be at the taxpayers expense because it'd be purely cosmetic, wouldn't it?

Obviously a trans woman cannot biologically be a woman.

I know I am a woman as I just know. I can't pinpoint specific reasons. It is a feeling. So I imagine it's similar for trans people. They think they 'feel' more like one gender, yet i expect they also could not sum up this into words as I believe it's non qualitative, for me at least

How far do you go with a trans woman is not a woman? Would you tell a trans woman they are male and call them he to their face?

I never would dream of it, and even if I disagreed I still think I'd not do this out of respect for the persons feelings, but I wonder how this differs for other people?

Jesus fucking christ it's like a pit of snakes around here. Leave trans folks alone.

How far do you go with a trans woman is not a woman?

What do you mean how far do you go? it’s pretty clear. It’s biological fact.

Would you tell a trans woman they are male and call them he to their face?

If they asked me whether I thought they were male or female? Sure, i’d Tell them.

Yet again at the same time if no one ever talks about the issues surrounding trans people, nothing will change

I believe I am misinformed and perhaps red to question some of my opinions surrounding this. Like looking into the people who dont transition, etc... I don't think I've questioned it enough actually

Then again I still think those who have the entire opposite opinion to me, those who verge on being transphobic, are also wrong and need some more education

I feel very troubled by the unwillingness to treat Gender Dysphoria in the same manner that we currently treat other types of dysphoria.

With Body Dysmorphic Disorder, we don't agree that a slim person is morbidly obese and prescribe slimming pills.

In individuals with nihilistic beliefs about their limbs, we don't agree that the person's limb doesn't belong to them and schedule them in for surgery to remove it.

In fact, I cannot think of any other type of dysphoria where we say "ok then, your beliefs are real, despite no evidence, and we will reinforce that belief via medication and possibly surgery".

I feel very strongly that many individuals are being let down by the recategorisation of a known mental disorder into a valid life style choice.

Badly worded, but I hope you know what I mean.

Then again I still think those who have the entire opposite opinion to me, those who verge on being transphobic, are also wrong and need some more education

No they just need to be kinder.

I just wouldn't even consider it. I'd tell someone they were were biologically male. But I would not refuse to call them 'she' or by a female name- changing one word in my vocabulary could make this person feel a lot better and respected. It doesn't hurt me to change one word as much as it hurts them

And by "how far do you go" I mean with your opinions of trans people. Disagreeing in private is very diferent to saying such things to a trans persons face and being completely insensitive to their wishes

And if I now understand it's a mental illness- it's damaging potentially to call a transwoman 'he'

Of course a transwoman is not female biologically but you can at least do them the basic decency of calling them 'she' or by chosen female name out of respect

OP, I do see what you're saying, and I would hate to be cruel to anyone, but I cannot understand being trained to gently challenge manifestly untrue beliefs in other presentations of mental illness, whilst being expected to reinforce similar beliefs in the case of gender dysphoria. Why?

If someone tells me their name is banana i’ll Call them it. I don’t care what name they use. Names arent permanent for anyone. We can all change our names and should have our new choice respected, that’s nothing to do with trans issues. I’m not going to call someone Jane Doe if she changed her name for marriage to Jane bloggs. Her name is Jane bloggs. Same with Mary smith who used to be John smith.

sex is different. It can’t be changed. It’s fixed. I’m not going to lie and pretend someone is a female if they are a male. Regardless of their name of their outfit or how they feel. That does no-one any favours.

OP I'm with you and I think you sound lovely

You think WE need more education?

FFS.

Quite ignorant to say mental health can just be cured.
I have a multitude of conditions, it can be managed and controlled but never cured.

In my head- BDD and anorexia are curable and mental illnesses you can move on from.
Some people move on from them, some don't. Other mental illnesses are never cured: schizophrenia, bipolar etc. Curability is not a sign of something being a mental illness.

If I do say transgender is a mental illness- I don't see how it can be cured. Ever. The people I know are absolutely, 100% convinced they were born in the wrong body. So far that medical professionals make irreversible changes.
Well, as I say, not all mental illness can be cured. People can also be absolutely 100% convinced of something which is not true.
Medical professionals are divided. Some think the best solution is to make hormonal and surgical changes. Others have looked at the research which shows that those changes do not, after all, improve the mental health of the patients. There are still high rates of depression and suicide in post-op transgender patients.

If your friend is suicidal he absolutely needs therapy, no matter what the cause.

OP, if your friend was anorexic and near death from malnutrition would you agree with him that he was fat if he told you he was? If so, would you see that as kind and respectful and responsible?

In my opinion its a mental illness

I think some people can be 'cured' and i also think that some people can't be 'cured'. In which case transitioning may be the best thing for their mental health

Detransitioning.

What does being a woman feel like anyway? Because every description I've heard from a transwoman has been along the lines of wearing dresses and make up and other superficial but stereotypically female things.

How do you present as a woman? I'm sitting here in a pair of straight jeans, plain jumper an t-shirt, a pair of Chelsea boots, no make up and short hair.

yanbu, but why post here? you wont get much support sadly

YANBU

In the example you have given that was an awful thing for someone to say and very very hurtful.
However there are instances where it CAN be part of a set of mental health issues that can be recovered from.

That doesnt seem to be the case for your friend tho and even if it was the other person had no way of accurately knowing if it was and nor is it any of their business so they should not have said such and awful thing just to hurt someone.

yanbu, but why post here? you wont get much support sadly

Why would she get support to be both factually incorrect and patronising, at the same time?

Conversion therapy vs learning to love your body

I'm not saying that this happens easily or for every trans person, but I think it's important to recognise that for some, gender dysphoria was definitely NOT best treated medically.

My relative is struggling with depression. One issue that has come up is how they, mixed race, in a fairly white area, feel like they don't belong.

They really wish they were one or the other. Unfortunately, it is what it is.
I was interested that the psych actually told them, well, this is the ONE thing that you can't change.

I wish I had been there. It's not the ONE thing. There are lots of things we can't change and yes, it sucks.

Counselling, living in a way true to yourself, are the best ways of dealing with things rather than denying reality.