Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

[Trampire]

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

That is really, really strange behaviour in response to the most lovely of gestures.

I think it's only those who work on books that will understand what a labour of love they are, and how much this means!! I don't think you sound like you were "doing it for the recognition" at all. What a thoroughly uncharitable thing to say.

moany - she's already done that. It's in the OP.

Someone once dedicated something to me. I read the book, raved about it but only saw the page with the actual dedication on about 15 years later: genuinely missed the page. I know in the covering letter you mentioned it but was she aware it's an "actual " dedication IYSWIM.

On that subject @wheresmyphone, Tad Williams's dedications to 'Otherland’ books 1-5 are amusing:

Book 1: “This Book is dedicated to my father Joseph Hill Evans with love. Actually Dad doesn’t read fiction, so if someone doesn’t tell him about this, he’ll never know.”

Book 2: “This Book is dedicated to my father Joseph Hill Evans with love. As I said before, Dad doesn’t read fiction. He still hasn’t noticed that this thing is dedicated to him. This is Volume Two – let’s see how many more until he catches on.”

Book 3: “This is still dedicated to you-know-who, even if he doesn’t.
Maybe we can keep this a secret all the way to the final volume.”

Book 4: “My father still hasn’t actually cracked any of the books – so, no, he still hasn’t noticed. I think I’m just going to have to tell him. Maybe I should break it to him gently.

Book 5: “Everyone here who hasn’t had a book dedicated to them, take three steps forward. Whoops, Dad, hang on there for a second…”

whisky

Any number of of explanations - she didn't receive the books, you didn't receive a thank you in the post. I have a very good friend and radio silence from her means she's gone into a depressive slump. I'd text or email and check she's ok - say you are worried at hearing nothing. Alternatively she could just be extremely rude - this highlights the importance of thanking people for stuff received in the post - just to acknowledge it has arrived if nothing else.

Ask her!

@moanyoldcow

Why don't you just read the OP? I cannot understand how after 4 pages of responses you've missed the bit where she explains that she has indeed sent a simple text asking whether or not it had arrived.

Seriously. How have you not read this?

Could it be that she thinks a dedication is a bit over the top? I've worked in publishing and most people not in publishing attach a different level of significance to things than those who deal with it every day. So to you, a dedication was just a nice thing to do, but not particularly unusual, but for her, it had a different meaning and for whatever reason, she's not comfortable with it.

Oh god! Sorry - I really did read it but missed that bit. Sorry OP.

Ignore my post

I consider myself told, Brogue and Whiskey!!

Going again the grain slightly, OP...whilst I think you did a lovely thing, and 99% of people would simply be thrilled to bits, it's possible that - for a reason I can't really fathom - some people might have preferred you to check first, especially as it's their DC.

I understand that you've never done so before, but I think I get it slightly - I would be surprised if someone did this for my DC without just a gentle sounding out first. I've no idea why it would make me uncomfortable though!

That said, I wouldn't ignore you and my feelings about that would always remain my own - outwardly, I would simply be very grateful and touched.

So...that really doesn't help doesn't it?

Bette (are you going to be watching Feud, by the way?!), I don't disagree that that could be the case.

I find it odd that someone would just drop out of contact over it though, rather than phone and talk about it like a grown-up –or at least text and say 'I know you meant well, but I would have liked you to check with me first.'

As a PP said, if I forget to get back to someone about something/miss something I get super anxious about it and start panicking and it makes addressing the situation really difficult. Impossible sometimes! So could be that?

That aside, I would be THRILLED to have a book dedicated to me!

That's a lovely gesture for you to do for your friends children. I'd think that maybe it got lost in the post or that the kids opened it and took it up to their bedroom or something to read and maybe your friend has not actually seen the front page?

Ah I re read I see you mentioned it in the card... in that case it's baffling

I’d send the text asking if you’ve sent them already - she might just have forgot

"Send her a text" must be the new version of "cancel the cheque!"

whisk

Love those!

Another one whose dc would love to have that!

Does she normally send a thank you for presents and how?

I am also remembering the year where someone asked if we'd received the present sent one Christmas and we were surprised as we'd sent thank you cards. We thought.
2 years later we moved the heavy sideboard out to do the floor and the Christmas thank you cards slid gracefully onto the floor at our feet.
Oops!

Moany the OP says in her first post that she texted her friend and asked if they liked the book!

Did you put the DC full name or just first?

If you put the full name perhaps she’s upset as personally I wouldn’t want my DC’s full name being published in a book. But if it’s just first names and no way of anyone identifying who they actually are then no clue what could of upset her, how strange.

I would of personally loved it if it were my DC.

You sent a parcel, no reply, then followed up with a text, no reply. OP are you certain there is nothing in the book itself which could offend? I'm thinking of things like an unflattering trait in one of the characters and your friend think this is inspired by her children or something? I really think you need to phone her and chat and ask outright if things are frosty. I know it's hard to do but this situation isn't fair on you. Good luck!