Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

[Trampire]

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

Of course you don't sound self-absorbed!

If someone dedicated a book to my dc, they and I would be over the moon! And it's entirely normal to thank someone when they do something nice for you.

So I agree, op, it's really odd that you've not heard anything.

Craig I think I will.

Thanks for replies and helping me think it through here. Very helpful.

Husky what I mean is that if the friend had expressed gratitude then the OP wouldn't be worrying about whether the book had arrived or whether they were offended. Hence the lack of gratitude/acknowledgement is what's prompting all the questions.

@Trampire
Yes, you do.
You come across as if you’ve only done it because you want recognition for it

Okay, I see what you mean

I do get your confusion though OP. I got married last year and my friend's daughters were flower girls. For Christmas I got a big frame and made a montage of pictures of them. It took ages, and then it cost me a bloody fortune to post it, and I didn't hear a peep from her, even when I followed up to check the parcel had arrived, as I was worried it was languishing in their sorting office. I thought they must have hated it and didn't know what to say, but when I went round to their house it was up on the wall and apparently the girls loved it. I guess she was just really busy, but I still think it was a teeny bit rude to just never acknowledge it when it must've been pretty obvious some effort had gone into it!

Overnightangel if you want to think that then you crack on.

(That was to Winnie, not angel )

Well I’d be fucking thrilled to have a book dedicated to my DCs!!

You must have drawn pretty famous character if children are dressing up as them for wbd 🤔🤔😆...who are you?!

Also, I think she may not have received the books. If it happened to me, I’d go crazy! It’s a wonderful thing to do for someone.

I'm really not very well-known. You can find me shops and in Amazon but I'm no Axel

*However taking out the issue of the dedication, this is a friend who usually maintains contact and is supportive, and now you haven't heard from her in a while?

Personally I would send a text, not mentioning the book at all, but simply saying "I've been thinking about you, and worried that I haven't heard from you in sometime. hope everything's ok?"*

I agree with this. Obviously the glaring lack of acknowledgment for something fairly significant has exacerbated the situation, but even without that, presumably sooner or later you'd have started wondering what's up with her, so I'd do this.

I still suspect the dedication and the radio silence are not unrelated, but you're perfectly justified in approaching it as if they are!

Not self absorbed at all, just normal!

I wouldn't put it in the xmas card, but I would text her, say it's been a long time since you heard from her and hope things are well. If she replies, then you can ask her if the children enjoyed the book.
If she doesn't reply, perhaps you could ask her husband if you've upset her.

I can't imagine anyone not liking having a dedication in a book. I know I'd love it and would show everybody!

I'd send her a message, something like "Hi, hope you're well, just wanted to check in as I haven't heard from you for a while. Everything OK?"

See if she comes back. I think it's a good idea to ask since it's not just the original books she ignored, but also your follow up message.

I can't see what her problem could be tbh, but best to ask.

Oooh I'm really wondering if I know your work now OP! (I'm a nursery teacher with a huuuuuge children's book collection!)

We normally message and send things at birthdays and Christmas and in misc circumstances in between (i.e. Her coming for a visit and my dad dying). I'm just going to stick with this. I don't want to over-weird it.

I would assume she's lost her phone and your phone number. Try email or messenger?

I'd send her a message, something like "Hi, hope you're well, just wanted to check in as I haven't heard from you for a while. Everything OK?"

I think this. It is odd not to hear from her at all, from what you've said about your normal contact.

Parcel could have gone missing; something maybe going on in her life. No point speculating, just get in touch.

I would assume shit going on. Not everyone posts about this on face book. Maybe she is very depressed, and even getting out of bed is a struggle? Maybe she is ill? You won't know until you contact her.

I am another one in the "wrapped them up for Christmas and possibly didn't realise that the whole run was dedicated to your dc" camp.

And when I had family murdered, I did not post about it on face book, even though I use it a lot. And the last thing I was up to was responding to messages from friends. My rule of thumb is if someone is normally decent and nice, assume you don't know the full story.

flip even if she didn't register the dedication, it would still be unusual not to acknowledge the gift.

I'd be thrilled! My sister works with a lot of publishers and illustrators and we get a lot of books sighed for us sometimes with a message or a picture. We'd all be absolutely thrilled with a dedication!!

My sister became a place name in one of her friends books as well as a dedication. She was over the moon.

Your friend either has other stuff going on or is really odd.

Why don't you just text her? I cannot understand how there are 4 pages of speculation about something you could clear up with a simple text:

'Hi friend - just checking you got the book I sent fir your DC the other week - hope you liked the dedication - bit worried it went missing as I forgot to send it recorded. Hope xmas shaping up well - OP x'

Seriously. How have you not done this?