Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

[Trampire]

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

Home I was going to say the same - maybe for some reason she's left it too long and now feels like she won't be able to sound sincere at all gushing with thanks after such a long radio silence, so she keeps putting it off and ignoring you?

I'd open lines of communication on a completely different subject to hit the rest button, and just never bring it up again.

Can you call her and ask her if she's received them, as you hadn't heard anything? Would that work.

Maybe she changed her phone number? Although tbf she could still have contacted you via her DH presumably.
I can't imagine how a book dedication would have upset her unless she thought you should have asked her permission to include her DCs' names? Or that you would have dedicated it to her first?
I would love it if someone dedicated a book to me or my DC.

There may be serious illness in the family? I found it hard to respond to texts etc when this happened in our family.

It was only her children's first names. It wouldn't have identified her.

Thanks for the replies. I guess people can only guess. I think I'll send her my normal Xmas card and just casually mention it in there so it doesn't look too important. Can't do much else. We have a text-relationship. The only time we've ever spoken on the phone in the last few years is when my dad died. I feel phoning would make it look too 'important' iyswim.

I think she might have forgotten and now she's left it so long it's got awkward?
(Like when you chat with someone regularly and now it's way too late to ask their name - it's a very British thing )

Or never got it.

Can't imagine being offended, I would love it. I always read book dedications.

Here are some great ones: awesome book dedications

Just because her husband's FB page isn't mentioning any problem, that doesn't necessarily mean there isn't one. She may have asked him not to put anything on there. I have a friend whose FB page is all lovely lovely and only because I've spoken to her do I know her DH has terminal cancer. I think you'll have to bite the bullet and ring her.

For me it's the "ignoring text message" that adds to the oddness of the whole thing. Hopefully it's all fine and she's just super busy.

Maybe I should have asked first? It never occurred to me. I've never asked in all my dedications before. Most people have had a nice surprise.

I'm an author too and the jealousy problem is real. I've lost a lot of friends since being published.

I would just text and say "I hope I haven't upset you, as I didn't hear back re. the books I sent I got a little worried that I might have done something to offend without realising. Otherwise, hope you are well x"

99p really? I know of jealousy and back biting amoungst others in my profession (I'm guilty of jealousy amoungst my peers too) but this friend isn't in my line of work and has always been interested.

I'd send a text with what neonpink said otherwise you'll drive yourself mad wondering.

I would absolutely LOVE to have a book dedicated to me so I'd be surprised if she was offended, or if she was it'll probably be for a very odd reason that you could never have foreseen!

Just send a card or text to say that you think you might be going a bit mad or are having a mad memory crisis and can't for the life of you remember whether you sent her your latest book, that you are kicking yourself because it has a dedication to her Dc and you want to send for Christmas if you didn't already send..then she can either own up that she forgot to say thank you or pretend she never received.
She might have asked Dc to thank you...

I'm an author too and the jealousy problem is real. I've lost a lot of friends since being published

Maybe its just that they don't like you assuming they are jealous of you? That would lose you friends alright.

Jealousy could be the thing. it does do silly irrational things to your mind. The other thing is she might not have told or shown her children? I think what you've suggested adding something into the Christmas card is a good idea.

If you need inspiration for dedications, then mumsnet could be your answer. Feel free to add Jakeballardswife!

Chocatoo has it! Genius solution

What was the book content and characters? Perhaps some were unfavourable and she thought you were making a real life comparison to her children? Silly of course but if she's in her 40s and having a wobble about life (perimenopause?) could be that?

You sound a bit self absorbed OP

Chocatoo has the best solution!

It sounds like it was a lovely gesture, I can't see how anyone could be negative about it, but it would bother me so I would want to know

This is really odd.

The only thing I can think of is - are you sure she values your friendship as much as you value hers? If she doesn't, maybe she's a little embarrassed and not sure what to say?

Really odd though. I imagine most people are far more thrilled and gracious!

How bizarre. Sometimes there’s no fathoming some people. I would have been delighted!

Anyway I wouldn’t mention it again OP. There’s obviously some reason but it looks like she doesn’t want to explain.

Send a Christmas card then leave the ball in her court.

Do I overnightangel? Well thanks for that. If you'd dedicated a book to a friends dcs and you were used to contact etc and they suddenly stopped contacting you wouldn't be a bit confused? I don't expect a fanfare, but a "thanks for the books. That was nice" is a normal thing no?

Chocdoo thanks I think I will say this!

Chocatoo sorry got you name wrong.

Until last year (she died ) there was another book illustrator on here and she dedicated a book to my dd and another MN friend's ds.

We were delighted and so, so touched. I think there must be some issue here, OP. They haven't arrived, or there's a family issue of some sort.

Just ask her. I think she'd be mortified to have overlooked such lovely gesture.

Not to keep banging on but she's been the one to make the most effort in contact before - e.g., she made the suggestion to visit me last year.