Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

[Trampire]

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

Thanks to everyone who said they would be happy and not offended to have a book dedicated to their dcs. It makes me feel a little bit more hopeful.

Oh well, if she didn't even send you a Christmas card, that's the end of the relationship I think.

I can't see that you did anything wrong, but she obviously has taken offence with you about something.

I wish you a Happy New Year and hope you continue to dedicate books in the knowledge that most people would be thrilled to be thought of that way.

She could be having marriage problems which have come to a head over the festive season (this is not uncommon). My ex husband and I separated over Nov/Dec 2015 and I went off the radar with all but my two closest friends.

I'd be inclined to text her something specific and direct, but not related to the book or any concerns you may have. Something light, like, "hi - happy new year- let's get something in the diary! Are you free to meet up in [equidistant town] for lunch on [date]? Let me know".

By the way, a friend dedicated a play to me and I was thrilled. I couldn't imagine feeling otherwise.

This is so strange. I would be utterly delighted if someone dedicated a book to my children (or me!)

You did a lovely, special thing OP- please don't doubt that!

I'd be really intrigued too if I was just reading the thread.

It's not just about this; you're puzzled and upset that she seems to have dropped contact. You may have lost/be going to lose a good friend. Yet you still won't phone her.

I hate the phone too and I know how frightening the idea of phoning someone for a 'big' conversation is, but sometimes you just have to get over it – or spend the next God knows how long stewing/wondering what's going on.

I’d think it was lovely if a friend dedicated a book to my dc.
I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
I would message in the new year something like hope she’s had a lovely Christmas and happy new year, haven’t heard from her for a while, hope all is ok etc incase somethings going on in her life.

I texted last night a breezy Happy New Year message and asked if everything was ok. I've yet to hear back. There's only so much banging my head against a wall I can do.

Aww Trampire I hope she bangs back. If she doesn’t, you’ve done nothing wrong.

Time will out.

Til thne my name is...

Hahaha would love a sound check in a good book.

Peace x

Or *then

Such a lovely and special gesture to dedicate a book. People can be very strange. Years ago a very close friend cut me out completely - it was before the days of texting frequently let alone SM so I just spent years wondering. We recently got back in touch and have seen each other a few times and she’s never mentioned it so I’m still none the wiser as to what happened and don’t want to rock the boat again by bringing it up!

Could she have lost her phone or be ill or something?

You haven’t done anything wrong... I think it’s a beautiful thing to have a book dedicated to your children! It’s just shot to the top of my bucket list...

Something else must be wrong xx

I think something big and bad is happening in her life OP. I know that SM feeds can be a source of information but usually people avoid putting the big, bad stuff on there.

Can you message her DH? She could be mid-treatment, mid-divorce, mid-any other crisis. Who knows?

What an absolute gift your dedication is. I am sure she's not overwhelmed by your generous demonstration of affection for her children. She's more than likely overwhelmed by life going crooked on her.

Ignore the 'for God's sake just phone her!' brigade.

You've done all you can comfortably do OP, sent a Xmas card, texted to say Happy NY, whatever the issue/situation/circumstances your 'friend' is the one to make the next move.

A book dedication is a big thing. I'd only expect family to do it for me. Perhaps she's worried you want more from the friendship. More than she's willing to give. I think you scared her off.

Thing is, I do lots and lots of dedications. I get asked quite late in the process often so think on my feet. I have dedicated books to family before but also friends, friends children, whole groups of people. It's a nice thing to be able to do not a massive thing to me. The Book is not a Times best-seller, just a normal kids fiction book.

We've known each other for over 30 years, we used to share a flat. We've way more in each other's pockets and in contact than this before.

I will admit I'm perplexed but I AM going leave it now. To all the people saying "it's ridiculous you haven't rung her!".....if you'd done this using your normal communication, tried to reach out in several ways and heard zero would you really (in what would be most unusual for us) phone up to surprise her/embarrass her into saying what's wrong? I don't think you would.

There's even a thread on MN at the moment saying how much people hate people phoning.

You’ve done nothing wrong at all! Dedicating a Book is a lovely thing to do and anyone taking offence to it, is ridiculous.

However I would presume your friend is going through a difficult time, rather than offended by the dedication. You have texted her ever, sent her a card etc and she’s ignoring you. You’ve done everything you can, so I would just leave it.

A book dedication is a big thing...I think you scared her off.

Please. I think she's a bigger girl than that.

OP, if you'd done this using your normal communication, tried to reach out in several ways and heard zero would you really (in what would be most unusual for us) phone up to surprise her/embarrass her into saying what's wrong?

Yes, I would, in such extreme circumstances. I wouldn't kick off the call with 'What's up with you?!' or anything like that as I wouldn't want to embarrass a friend. More like a gentle 'I know this is a really weird way for us to communicate, but I was a little worried that I hadn't heard anything in ages. Are things OK?'

Op you did a lovely thing, very sweet, and she treats you like that! She is no friend, and I think it is the end of the friendship if she cannot even pull her big girl pants up and talk to you. If she is offened (I honestly don't know how she would be), she should have contacted you.

So you are pretty much being ghosted by one of your oldest friends that is utterly shit!!! Totally with you I hate phoning and you are not wrong if it's not a means of communication that you both really use it's making a bigger deal straight from the start. Obviously it is a big deal she is your friend and should at least be able to text you and say you pissed me off monumentally with "blah blah bla" just can't do it any more Trampire". "Thanks for the book dedication it was a lovely gesture but let's leave it at that" Christ a 30yr friendship deserves that. I find it upsetting how some people deal with things, I hate confrontation but everyone deserves an explanation.

I hope you get one I really do. Good luck with the book hope its doing well.

This would really bother me too and I think i'd have to text or write and say that i feel as though I must have doen something to offend and i'd like the opportunity to put things right.

TBH, it's probably not popular but i'd be thinking of dropping a quick facebook message to her DH to say that you've tried to contact her a couple of times lately and has she changed any details (unlikely, doesn't explain why she didn't send you a xmas card as normal). Mighy open up a conversation

From what you've said, i can't see why she would be upset about the books. I think it's a lovely thing to have done.

I didn't know being 'ghosted' meant that, but yes I suppose it is. Never happened before.

Do you know she's ok OP? I would be concerned that something had happened.

Have you got a delivered message on your phone? I would be inclined to hide my number and ring hers just to see if it rang out.

No I don't know she's ok. The only way I would know she wasn't was if she told me.
I've had a glance at her DH's Facebook page. He's mainly talking about some actively he's doing but at the beginning of December a friend of theirs thanked them both for the 'visit' and they had lots of joyful photos, none of her but that's normal.

Latest text is showing as delivered.

As pp's have said, I've done all I can comfortably.