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AIBU?

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Original poster

Dedicated a book to friends dcs and she's not mentioned it

339 replies

Trampire · 11/12/2017 12:24

I'm braving AIBU. To be honest I'm not sure where to put this...

I'm feeling a little confused. I'm a professional illustrator. I've had hundreds of books published. I often get asked to include a dedication in the book. Over the years I've included my own dcs, my dh, my mum and dad and friend's children.

I few years ago I reconnected with an old school friend who is shared a flat with in London when we were in our 20's. We're in our mid 40's now. My dcs are slightly older than hers but we met up a few times and had a great time, all got on well. We regularly sent birthday and Xmas cards. I sent through copies of my new books to her dcs etc. When my dad died earlier this year she was really supportive, lots of phone calls and we met up for a dog walk. She sent through a photo of her daughter on World book day dressed up as one of my book characters - I was really touched.
So when I was asked for a dedication for my latest book I put her dcs names forward. When the title came out I sent her a few copies along with a birthday card for her. I explained that I'd dedicated the book to her dcs as they were always supportive and interested in my books.

Thing is, since then I've heard nothing. I left it a whole as I know life is busy. We normally communicate by text. I sent her a text a month later asking if she was ok and did her dcs like the books? No reply.

Wtf? Could anyone possibly be offended by a book dedication? Maybe it's nothing to do with that and I'm over thinking it? She doesn't do SM but her husband does. I've taken to looking at his fb page to see if something tragic had happened but from what I can see it's business as usual.

I'm so confused. Shall I leave it? I'm not offended or angry about the book really (I dedicated a book to my dh's niece once and my BIL and his de could not have been less interested!) and just so confused as it's do out of character.

OP posts:
Chchchchangeabout · 12/12/2017 20:13

Could it be a privacy issue? I think I'd expect to be asked before someone dedicated a book to my children, assuming they are young. Maybe she didn't like the idea of them getting unwanted attention?

Madonnasmum · 12/12/2017 20:13

What was the books theme? If it was 'Timmy, the rudest boy in Britain' she may be offended.....

treacletoffee23 · 12/12/2017 20:16

Something has happened in her life...if anyone dedicated a book to my twinnies l would explode with joy and glitter and everyone would know about it. Wether they wanted to or not.Grin

QuimReaper · 12/12/2017 20:27

Chchch just from their first names though?

QuimReaper · 12/12/2017 20:27

What "unwanted attention" could that bring?

Original poster
Trampire · 12/12/2017 20:38

Right,

The books have no last names or details - just first names that are not uncommon. There's no earthly way that this means her children's names are 'public' unless you specifically knew they were her children because I'd said so.

The book is an illustrated fiction book. Not religious, not involving magic, or naughty children, - just a bit of an adventure, not offensive at all.

I sent the books in September along with a usual birthday card. There was a post-it note on the FRONT of the book explaining the dedication inside. The books weren't wrapped.

I realise it's a huge mystery. I've decided I'm not going to mention it again to her, but send a Christmas card as normal and see what happens.

Thanks for the replies, I know it's frustrating not knowing an answer. I had no idea that some people would be offending about not asking permission for the dedication beforehand. I have never asked anyone before and neither have any authors I know but hey ho. Maybe I'll be more cautious in future?

Ringle - as a book illustrator I mentioned that I only avoid bookshops at times when I'm feeling delicate or lacking in confidence temporarily. It's a coping mechanism when you feel like all your peers are way more talented. It happens to us all from time to time.

OP posts:
lettingthedaysgoby · 12/12/2017 20:42

A dedication is a lovely thing to do.

However, if I read OP's PP right, it's dedicated to two children and is about two children, camping, having adventures and so on - Trampire's friend might have thought Trampire had been fantasizing about her DC and been weirded out or felt it was inappropriate.

And to all those saying "send a text" - OP said they only text occasionally, so it's not like there was a daily text that's stopped - perhaps life has just got busy.

A bright and breezy Christmas card with a "let's catch up, it's been a while" message would be my suggestion.

Italiangreyhound · 12/12/2017 20:43

Trampire that's really unusual and such a shame. I hope she explains sometime.

My kids have unusual names and one of them is adopted, so I would expect to be asked, but under normal circumstances I would expect people to be pleased.

Why don't you ask her outright?

SleepingStandingUp · 12/12/2017 21:11

Trampire I give permission 😀😀😀😀

Trampire's friend might have thought Trampire had been fantasizing about her DC and been weirded out or felt it was inappropriate
Say what now? Unless Trampire suddenly announces that she drew the kids to look like the dedicate kids, how would she get that? She's the artist not the author and these kids aren't the only two kids she will know. Even of all the kids are say blonde, green eyed and fat - that doesn't make me assume that Trampire is having fantasies about them .. How very odd

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/12/2017 21:24

I can’t believe that someone would be personally affronted by this but that’s what I’m thinking now. Mind boggling.

Don’t sweat it OP. It was a lovely thing to do. Really sweet.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 12/12/2017 21:24

Oh for the love of god just text her and ask her!!!!!!!
The post it note may have come off when opening the parcel and her children may not have noticed the dedication
She may have sent a thank you card that got lost in the post

I want to know, please it's bugging me

Madonnasmum · 12/12/2017 21:25

Trampire I'm sorry that such a lovely gesture has not been received in the same way as you had hoped.
I, as many on this thread would have loved it.
I have no advice on how to mention it to your friend. You sound lovely and kind.

Tiredeypops · 12/12/2017 21:34

If there was other stuff going on in her life it may have been kept off social media. Sometimes people fall of the radar for a few months. Message again but I wouldn't let it worry you too much

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 12/12/2017 22:32

Oh for the love of god just text her and ask her!!!!!!!

The OP did, didn't she? It was ignored.

2rebecca · 12/12/2017 22:43

I suspect that like many people she skips straight to the story and ignores the first few pages. I find it odd that her kids are important enough to you that you dedicate a book to them but you aren't close enough to any of them to tell them you've done that.
If anyone ever dedicates a book to me I hope they like me enough to tell me so I can feel chuffed and tell everyone and not totally miss it upsetting the dedicator in the process

2rebecca · 12/12/2017 22:43

I suspect that like many people she skips straight to the story and ignores the first few pages. I find it odd that her kids are important enough to you that you dedicate a book to them but you aren't close enough to any of them to tell them you've done that.
If anyone ever dedicates a book to me I hope they like me enough to tell me so I can feel chuffed and tell everyone and not totally miss it upsetting the dedicator in the process

Original poster
Trampire · 12/12/2017 22:51

But I did tell her. In a whole Birthday package with post it notes all over the book! Old fashioned snail mail.

She's one of my oldest friends. We have a lot of History, but yes in the last 10 years our relationship contact has been through texts and cards with the odd phonecalls around dramatic times. I like her kids, I've sent her books before, they've enthused over them. Her daughter dressed up as a character of mine for a world book day....

Sometimes when a book is about to go to print, I have a few hours to think of a dedication. I just went for it. Sorry some people think that's strange.

I'm not going to mention it again because I already texted her with no response. Phoning her now would just be really unusual.

I know it's possible I'll never know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trampire · 12/12/2017 22:52

We do actually see each other from time to time in person (we live hours apart). Maybe I'll bring it up one day?

OP posts:
CurlJunkie · 12/12/2017 22:56

And then come straight back here to update us!Grin

DonkeyOil · 12/12/2017 23:04

I, as many on this thread would have loved it.

Yes, next time, for Heaven's sake dedicate the book to me. I would be appreciaton personified! Xmas Grin

climbatree · 12/12/2017 23:12

I think either it's lost or the other theory of she didn't say thanks and now it's just all too awkward.

Just pick up the phone! Don't even mention the book thing and then text as a follow up and say 'oh I meant to ask'.

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 12/12/2017 23:20

Maybe she never got the package. Snail mail can be unreliable

CeciliaBartolli · 12/12/2017 23:24

It's weird. Something similar. I gave a best friend a very beautiful expensive necklace in her favourite colour... she never thanked me for it.
She soon moved house and deliberately made me feel we were no longer close.
I can only think your friend wishes to cease contact. I never found out why my friend stopped our 20 year friendship.
When I saw her again she burst into tears and hugged me that was all.
I am sorry but it may remain unanswered. Some things do.

CeciliaBartolli · 12/12/2017 23:26

PS. oddly. I am an illustrator and writer.

climbatree · 12/12/2017 23:31

That IS weird.

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