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Original poster

To pull out because of programme at Christmas concert

331 replies

Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 17:28

I've been going to a choir since September, most of which has been practising for the Christmas concert this week.

We've just had the final rehearsal in which they've introduced a duet which us two people (not including me) singing 'Baby it's cold outside'.

Am I overreacting to pull out? At the moment I don't see how I can sit there through it.

OP posts:
Doingthebattybat · 10/12/2017 18:12

Only you can say how strongly you feel about this as to whether you decide to pull out. It’s ok for people to agree/disagree with you here but I’d say it’s your feelings that matter and if you will be stood there seething you’d be better off not going imo. It’s supposed to be something you do for enjoyment.

Trueheart1 · 10/12/2017 18:12

This updated version is really lovely and helps teach about how the conversation should have gone.

QueenOfAllISurvey · 10/12/2017 18:14

Well if you're going to feign sickness and not even register your protest what's the point?

What an odd little hill to die on Confused

bimbobaggins · 10/12/2017 18:18

Exactly queen!
There really is no end to what people get offended at on mn

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 18:21

It is too late in the day for the programme to be changed and me explaining why does nothing but put the choir leader (who has worked his arse off) in a really difficult position. If it was earlier in the year I would have just raised it as an issue.

I appreciate lots of people don't agree with me and that I'm overreacting which is food for thought. I'm going to sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning. It came as a complete shock tonight, particularly as it's not a song which really fits with the rest of the programme which is mainly classical.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 10/12/2017 18:23

It is a very old song 1940s I think it isn't rapey at all it is risque for it's time the woman is trying to be a ll modest but she really wants a shag 😀

JediStoleMyBike · 10/12/2017 18:24

@Trueheart1 - the conversation in the original is fine. Language wise, it is an old saying (apparently) to jokingly ask what's in your drink if you aren't drinking alcohol, as a reason to misbehave. In my opinion the woman wants to stay with her chap but opinion at the time would label her a floozy, thus why she talks about what her family would say. He's hardly twisting her arm it she's considering that Hmm

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 18:27

If the #metoo campaign and the overwhelming number of sexual assault allegations have taught us anything its that feelings about this exact issue (consent and sexual harassment/abuse) are hightened just now. The OP is perfectly within her rights to not want to sing a song she believes contains a lack of consent.

And YY to the previous poster who said ‘rapey’ is an abhorrent word to use.

MillicentFawcett · 10/12/2017 18:28

There is nothing more dismissive and less sisterly than telling other women to get a grip, particularly when it comes to stuff like this.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 10/12/2017 18:29

"say, whats in this drink?" is the line that most people think make it unacceptable, rather than a song about a woman trying to find excuses to do what she wants to do (stay), even though it would be socially unacceptable unless she had a good excuse (like, "I planned to leave but the snow was too deep and I got stuck. It wasnt my choice to spend teh night at his house, it was all innocent...")

However, that was a regular joke in the 50s jazz culture when someone was basically looking for an excuse for their own bad behaviour. The audience when this was written would have seen that has her giving a pre-curser to socially unacceptable behaviour. It was an 'in joke' at the time.

Those hearing it at the time it was written wouldn't hear it as him trying to make her stay, but him helping her think of excuses to do what she really, really wants to do, but can't

Trueheart1 · 10/12/2017 18:34

Jedi, maybe I phrased it badly. This is a version with updated lyrics that sound better for our time.

MillicentFawcett · 10/12/2017 18:35

And yes, #MeToo should have taught us that this shit has been going on for years. When Baby Its Cold Outside was written, women were being raped to get roles.

JediStoleMyBike · 10/12/2017 18:38

I understand you now Trueheart1, apologies.

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 18:38

There is nothing more dismissive and less sisterly

do people really believe in that "sisterhood" crap? It's not us against them, and pretending they are the enemy is not doing anyone any favour.

Loubymoo27 · 10/12/2017 18:43

Literally the most ridiculous post I've read!!! Why do people read too much into things and not take them at face value!!! Think you need to get a grip. If you enjoy the choir then why let this ridiculous point stop you!!!?? Hmm

Adelino · 10/12/2017 18:45

At no point in the song does she say she WANTS to go home.
In my opinion that shows that it is a flirty exchange and she does actually want to stay.

Crumbs1 · 10/12/2017 18:45

I suspect you’re overthinking.

DorisDangleberry · 10/12/2017 18:46

You would be better off protesting about ludicrous songs about a celestial being violating a poor defenceless virgin

MillicentFawcett · 10/12/2017 18:47

I believe in the 'sisterhood crap'. I don't think men are the enemy but I do believe/know the patriarchy means that men benefit from women's subjugation.

I think my POV does us all a favour. Gender roles and expectations hurt everyone.

SilverySurfer · 10/12/2017 18:47

Whyamistillawake In the OP you say:
We've just had the final rehearsal in which they've introduced a duet which us two people (not including me) singing 'Baby it's cold outside'.

Then in a later post say:

Sorry yes because of the lyrics. I don't want to be singing the duet!

Which is it?

Seriously? Either way I think you are waaaay overthinking it. It's ridiculous - pull out, let them sing what the hell they want without you having a vapor over the imaginary meanings of songs.

donquixotedelamancha · 10/12/2017 18:49

Oh God. Not this nonsense again. Here is the original song from the movie:

It's not a song about a woman raping a man (yep a woman sings the bits you don't like). It's a song about playful seduction.

Manufacturing offence at this minimises genuine examples of misogyny.

ProperLavs · 10/12/2017 18:50

Quite. We seem to think it's fine to sing songs about a baby born of a woman who was impreganted without knowing anything about it or giving her consent.

Pumperthepumper · 10/12/2017 18:50

Manufacturing offence at this minimises genuine examples of misogyny.

How?

EdithFinch · 10/12/2017 18:51

MillicentFawcett
I think that judging people based on the genitals they are born with is ridiculous at best.

Stop putting yourself as a victim for a start, I have never been one and never will. Women are not victims or inferiors! (in this part of the world clearly). We are lucky to be in countries (talking about UK) when we can truly have it all, and people trying to portray us as shy victims are hurting us immensely. That attitude really drives me mad, we work hard enough and equally to men when someone tries to dismiss that.

There is no sisterhood, there are people! Good and bad.

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 18:53

is not us @SilverySurfer

OP posts:
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