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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull out because of programme at Christmas concert

331 replies

Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 17:28

I've been going to a choir since September, most of which has been practising for the Christmas concert this week.

We've just had the final rehearsal in which they've introduced a duet which us two people (not including me) singing 'Baby it's cold outside'.

Am I overreacting to pull out? At the moment I don't see how I can sit there through it.

OP posts:
LivininaBox · 10/12/2017 17:40

Please can't we discuss this without using the term "rapey" - a horrible term which minimises rape.

MipMipMip · 10/12/2017 17:40

Ive noticed the very funny version by Cerys from Catatonia and Tom Jones is no longer on YouTube. The lyrics aren't good but I think you can take it how you want yo.

MrsExpo · 10/12/2017 17:41

You say you’re not actually going to be singing it yourself OP. Unless the person taking the woman’s part has an issue, why on earth would you be bothered.

allegretto · 10/12/2017 17:43

You're not singing it though. I could maybe understand if you were singing it but I think it would be bad to make a stand and let the choir down. And fwiw I think if performed properly, it is pretty obvious that there is no coercion going on!

newtlover · 10/12/2017 17:43

OP might be bothered because the song promotes an unhealthy attitude to consent

Jamboree05 · 10/12/2017 17:43

Oh for goodness' sakes. We won't be singing half the songs in the bloody charts if we continue down this line- as someone else said, it's hardly blurred lines.

To recap, the lyrics follow this line:

"I really shouldn't stay because of my reputation."

"But it's cold outside."

"I'll straighten my hair and put a record on and have a ciggy and every other excuse in the book to stay..."

"Oooo, you might be staying. It really is cold you know."

"Right, I'll stay."

"Hurrah!!"

Just sing the damned concert. It really isn't a rapey song at all.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/12/2017 17:44

Say what's in this drink? It could be that she was expecting a whisky and got an OJ!

Why assume the worst?

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 17:47

I know the feminist arguments. The 'what's in this drink' line is most definitely being sung as a spiked drink.

Also, all very well using societal norms as an excuse for it initially but to me that does not excuse singing it now.

It also brings back bad memories of guys in the past who pushed and pushed until I finally said yes. Not technically rape but uncomfortable memories.

OP posts:
JediStoleMyBike · 10/12/2017 17:48

Didn't a professor of languages just debunk that it's rapey and actually about the woman's independence in doing what she wanted?

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 17:50

I also don't think the choir will collapse without me there. I'm not that good a singer! It would collapse without the two people singing the duet.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 10/12/2017 17:54

If you're the sort of lemming to misunderstand and then overreact about something then stay home. Like you said, the choir won't miss you.

PrincessoftheSea · 10/12/2017 17:54

OMG lol

IvorBiggun · 10/12/2017 17:57

If you don’t want to do the concert then don’t.

Telling them what you have posted above as some sort of reason will make them think you’re bonkers (and very poor at literary and feminist criticism).

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 10/12/2017 17:57

This might just be the most ridiculous thing I've read today. Congrats OP.

scrabbler3 · 10/12/2017 17:59

I know whet you mean about guys who push and push, unfortunately, because I've been on the receiving end. It's so grim.

If you're enjoying choir and have been looking forward to the concert, however, it would seem a shame to withdraw. You could always mention your aversion to the song to the person in charge, without saying that you want to quit. They may reconsider, and pick a different duet.

Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 18:00

In what way am I being a lemming? There's been a massive debate about this song every Christmas for years now. It is probably evenly split down the middle but given how important the debate over consent is at the moment I feel very uncomfortable sitting there and clapping and smiling whilst it's on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whyamistillawake · 10/12/2017 18:02

I wouldn't mention why, I'll just say I'm sick or something's come up at work. I'm not about to force two people who've been practising for ages to change their song. If they're comfortable then fine by them.

OP posts:
allegretto · 10/12/2017 18:03

Maybe you could get them to invert the parts and sing it like Nuryev and Miss Piggy?

Seriously though, in the interpretations I have heard of it -it always seems pretty clear to me that the woman WANTS to stay - in fact she sings "It's cold outside" - giving herself an excuse to stay.

MortalEnemy · 10/12/2017 18:05

It’s a tiresome little ditty and about as ‘progressive’ as Neil Young’s ‘A Man Needs A Maid’.

helpfulperson · 10/12/2017 18:05

didn't someone post recently that in the original film it was actually the women persuading the man to stay. For a good perspective on this song have a look on youtube at the various different version. It shows how the same words can be sung very differently - sometimes it's obvious both parties want to stay, others the women or man is obviously being pressured. My favourite version is the two men singing it in Glee.

Jamboree05 · 10/12/2017 18:07

As someone who leads choirs, you would be missed because the choir leader would know you weren't there and would probably feel quite uncomfortable about it.

Look, OP, it's your choice and you're gonna do what you're gonna do but:

  1. you are not singing it
  2. your choir leader has probably tried to balance the parts well (assuming your choir sings in harmony) so losing even one voice WILL make a difference
  3. the song really isn't rapey

IMO, this is not a reason to pull out of a concert you've worked bloody hard for. Choral concerts regularly employ soloists who rock up and sing whatever the fuck they want without any previous knowledge of the choir. What would you have done if this was the case for this concert- pull out halfway through???

StealthPolarBear · 10/12/2017 18:08

"sakes. We won't be singing half the songs in the bloody charts"
Yes there are songs that are no longer considered appropriate in the current climate. So we no longer sing them.

Beek84 · 10/12/2017 18:09

To answer your question 'am I over reacting to pull out?'

Yes. Huge over reaction. Ridiculous, bordering on absurd. But if you genuinely can't sit through it, that's your call obviously

TheFirstMrsDV · 10/12/2017 18:10

Oh for goodness' sakes. We won't be singing half the songs in the bloody charts if we continue down this line- as someone else said, it's hardly blurred lines o
Never mind in the charts, we won't be able to listen to much of the music made in the last 70 years or so or watch many films, plays or read many books.
We shouldn't be lining the pockets of the majority of rock and pop musicians nor using certain fonts in our documents.

I would NEVER excuse or minimise sexual assault.
But ffs people.
Get a bloody grip

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